Quotes by Henry David Thoreau

Category	Quote	E-Mail this quote
	The squirrel that you kill in jest, dies in earnest.
Chemistry	I mix my water myself -- two parts H and one part O.
(comic strip)	I'm not dumb I just have a command of thoroughly useless information
9-11-01	Did an angel whisper in your ear, and hold you close, and take away your fear . . . in those long last moments?
Ability	Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, administrate.
Ability	Ability is the art of getting credit for all the home runs somebody else hits.
ability	... the (United States) army has carried the American democratic ideal to its logical conclusion in the sense that not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed, and color, but also on the grounds of ability. - (An Evening Wasted With...)
Ability	You know, I could run for governor but I'm basically a media creation. I've never done anything. I've worked for my Dad. I worked in the oil business. - (from 1989)
Abortion	If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
Abortion	Abolition of a woman's right to abortion, when and if she wants it, amounts to compulsory maternity: a form of rape by the State.
Absent minded	Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
Abstinence	Abstinence is as easy to me, as temperance would be difficult.
Abstinence	I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Abstinence	Abstainer, n: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Abstinence	Abstinence is a good thing, but it should always be practised in moderation.
Abstinence	Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
Absurdity	Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Absurdity	Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd.
Abuse	As to abuse - I thrive on it. Abuse, hearty abuse, is a tonic to all save men of indifferent health.
Abuse	America will tolerate the taking of a human life without giving it a second thought. But don't misuse a household pet.
Academy Awards	We are drawn to our television sets each April the way we are drawn to the scene of an accident. - (On the Academy Awards)
Acceptance	Patriotism is not enough. I must have no hatred or bitterness toward anyone. - (on the eve of her execution)
Accidents	In an accident, presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.
Accomplishment	The way to get things done is not to mind who gets the credit of doing them.
Accomplishments	It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
Accountants	An accountant is a man hired to explain that you didn't make the money you did.
Accounting	There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
Achievement	The world is divided into people who do a thing - and people who get the credit.
Acquaintances	Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Acting	He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace. - (Drama Critic)
Acting	He had never acted in his life and could not play the pin in "Pinafore".
Acting	We used to have actrresses trying to become stars, now we have stars trying to become actresses.
Acting	Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four.
Acting	My dear boy, forget about the motivation. Just say the lines and don't trip over the furniture. - (on acting)
Acting	Your motivation is your pay packet on Friday. Now get on with it.
Acting	A.E. Matthews ambled through "This Was a Man" like a charming retriever who has buried a bone and can't quite remember where.
Acting	Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Acting	I love acting. It is so much more real than life.
Acting	Acting is merely the art of keeping a large group of people from coughing.
Acting	I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
Acting	Method acting? There are quite a few methods. Mine involves a lot of talent, a glass and some cracked ice.
Action	If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.
Action	Action: the last resource of those who know not how to dream.
Action	Every normal man must be tempted at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Action	Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us.
Action	Never confuse motion with action.
Action	If you see a situation that requires action, then take action. It is easier to beg forgiveness than to request permission.
Action	If you don't want to use the army, I should like to borrow it for a while. - (to the hesitant General George B. McClellan)
Action	Be wary of the man who urges an action in which he himself incurs no risk.
Action	We have too many high sounding words, and too few actions that correspond with them.
Action	There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still.
Activism	I knew I'd been living in Berkeley too long when I saw a sign that said 'Free Firewood,' and my first thought was 'Who is Firewood and what has he done?' - (English painter, teacher, art critic)
Actors	I enjoy being a highly overpaid actor.
Actors	If in an actor there appears an utter vacancy of meaning, a frigid equality, a stupid languor, a torpid apathy, the greatest kindness that can be shown him is a speedy sentence of expulsion.
Actors	When I asked him, "Would not you, sir, start as Mr. Garrick does, if you saw a ghost?" He answered, "I hope not. If I did, I should frighten the ghost."
Actors	Speaks of respeting actors, “What, Sir, (respect) a fellow who claps a lump on his back, and a lump on his leg, and cries 'I am Richard the Third'? Nay, Sir, a ballad singer is a higher man, for he does two things; he repeats and he sings: there is both recitation and musick in his performance: the player only recites."
Actors	I knew her before she was a virgin. - (on Doris Day)
Actors	Actors are crap.
Actors	Every actor has a natural animosity toward every other actor, present or absent, living or dead.
Actors	An actor's success has the life expectancy of a small boy about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
Actors	Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband; show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
Actors	An actor is not quite a human being -- but then who is?
Actors	The scenery in the play was beautiful, but the actors got in front of it.
Actors	You can pick out actors by the glazed look that comes into their eyes when the conversation wanders away from themselves.
Actors	Disney, of course, has the best casting. If he doesn't like an actor, he just tears him up.
Actors	I do not want actors and acresses to understand my plays. That is not necessary. If they will only pronounce the correct sounds I can guarantee the results.
Actors	Every actor in his heart believes everything bad that's printed about him
Actors	Scratch an actor -- and you'll find an actress.
Actors	The physical labor actors have to do wouldn't tax an embryo.
Actors	It is a great help for a man to be in love with himself. For an actor, however, it is absolutiy essential.
Actors	I never said all actors are cattle. What I said was all actors should be treated like cattle
Actors	Some of the greatest love affairs I've known involved one actor, unassisted.
Actors	Actresses will happen in the best regulated families.
Actors	I'm now at the age where I've got to prove that I'm just as good as I never was.
Actors	An actor's a guy who, if you ain't talking about him, ain't listening.
Actors	If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives.
Actors	She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B. - (on Katherine Hepburn)
Actors	We're actors - we're the opposite of people. - (from "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead")
Actors	I'm an actor. An actress is someone who wears feather boas.
Actresses	A walking X-ray. - (on Audrey Hepburn)
Addresses	Addresses are given to us to conceal our whereabouts.
Admiration	Admiration, n: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves
Admiration	Maybe a woman would be more admired for her mind if it would bounce gently as she walks.
Admiration	We always like those who admire us; we do not always like those whom we admire.
Admiration	Dear God, please make me the person my dog thinks I am.
Adults	To be adult is to be alone.
Advancement	Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
Advantage	You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
Adventure	Climbing K2 or floating the Grand Canyon in an inner tube -- there are some things one would rather have done than do.
Adversary Intelligence Systems	The most adversarial adversary intelligence system is always one's own.
Advertising	Advertising is the modern substitute ro argument; its function is to make the worse appear the better.
Advertising	Advertising is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commision.
Advertising	Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
Advertising	Chess is as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you can find outside an advertising agency.
Advertising	What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public.
Advertising	Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.
Advertising	Advertising is the art of making whole lies out of half truths.
Advertising	Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.
Advice	I have lived some thirty years on this planet, and I have yet to hear the first syllable of valuable or even earnest advice from my seniors.
Advice	Few things are so liberally bestowed, or squandered with so little effect, as good advice.
Advice	Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
Advice	There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise.
advice	Don't sweat the petty things, but don't pet the sweaty things
Advice	Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
Advice	The only thing one can do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.
Advice	And you, your job is to shut up! - (a line from the movie)
Advice	Never take the advice of someone who has not had your kind of trouble.
Advice	If you're doing business with a religious son of a bitch, get it in writing. His word isn't worth shit, not with the Good Lord telling how to fuck you on the deal. - (American author)
Advise	Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
Advise	It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one's life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than "try to be a little kinder."
Advise	Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.
Advise	Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
Advise	Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
Affection	Most affections are habits or duties we lack the courage to end.
Affection	All my life affection has been showered upon me, and every forward step I have made has been taken in spite of it.
Age	Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Age	By the time I'd grown up, I naturally supposed that I'd be grown up.
Age	The best years are the forties; after fifty a man begins to deteriorate, but in the forties hi is at the maximum of his villainy.
Age	As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.
Age	One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that, would tell one anything
Age	Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
Age	Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.
Age	The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have reminiscences of what never happened.
Age	The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Age	You're never too old to become younger.
Age	People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.
AGE	Youth is wasted on the young. - (R.S.V.P. This quote did not originate with Mlle. Lumiere, our curmudgeonly contributor tells us, its author's identity having been lost in the irascible [and faintly plagiaristic] Lily's remarkable antiquity...)
Age	Old age ain't no place for sissies.
Age	A man is as old as the woman he feels.
Age	Time and tide wait for no man- but time always stands still for a woman of 30.
Age	Middle age: when you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.
Age	Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Age	When people tell you how young you look, they are also telling you how old you are. - (actor)
Age	Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Age	The dead might as well try to speak to the living as the old to the young.
Age	When I turned 65 I came to the terrible realization that my life was almost half over.
Agent-in-place	Agent-in-place? Your place or mine?
Aggravation	No man who has wrestled with a self-adjusting card table can ever be quite the man he once was.
Aging	The denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of older people, and greatly assists in the circulation of the blood.
Aging	The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Aging	The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.
Aging	At my age the only reason I'd start exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Aging	Time is a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
Aging	There are parts of my body I haven't used in years.
Aging	I still climb Mount Everest just as often as I used to. I play polo just as often as I used to. But to walk down to the hardware store I find a little bit more difficult. - (on aging)
Aging	Old Cary Grant fine. How you? - (responding to telegram asking)
Aging	Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Aging	There is still no cure for the common birthday. - (astronaut)
Aging	Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Aging	I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
Aging	Old men are children for a second time.
Aging	At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, and heard it all; I just can't remember it all.
Aging	I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
Aging	Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you're aboard, there’s nothing you can do.
Aging	Old age -- it's the only disease that you don't look forward to being cured of. - (the movie)
Aging	First you forget names; then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up, and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Aging	When you're my age, you don't plan ahead.
Agreement	If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.
Agreement	It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree.
Agreement	Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
Agriculture	Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the cornfield.
Air safety	If black boxes survive air crashes, why don't we make the whole airplane of the same material?
Air travel	There are only two emotions in a plane: boredom and terror.
Air travel	There are only two kinds of airline luggage -- carry-on and lost.
Airlines	Jet Blue has introduced its new in-flight magazine: Sit Down and Shut Up.
Alcholism	If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue.
Alcohol	Of the demonstrably wise, there are but two: those who commit suicide and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied by drink.
Alcoholism	An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Alcoholism	The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism.
Alertness	The early bird gets the worm; the second mouse gets the cheese.
Aliens	Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering.
Aliens	The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Aliens	Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
Alimony	You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony
Alimony	Even hooligans marry, though they know that marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever.
Alimony	Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
Alimony	Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Alimony	The ransom that the happy pay to the devil.
Alternatives	The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously.
Altruism	Men are the only animals that devore themselves, day in and day out, to making one another unhappy. It as an art like any other. Its virtuosi are called altruists.
Altruism	Every major horror of history was committed in the name of an altruistic motive. Has any act of selfishness ever equalled the carnage perpertrated by disciples of altruism?
Alzheimer's Disease	Regarding Alzheimers, if you forget you forgot, forget it.
Ambidextrous	I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Ambition	Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
Ambition	Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.
Ambition	People Who Do Things exceed my endurance. God, for a man that solicits insurance!
Ambition	I want to be what I was when I wanted to be what I am now.
Ambition	I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
Ambition	If something is too hard to do then it's just not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your short-wave radio, your karate outfit, and your unicycle, and we'll go inside and watch TV
Ambition	My goals? My goals are to find a cure for irony and make a fool out of God.
America	I am willing to love all mankind, except an American.
America	Slavery is now no where more patiently endured, than in countries once inhabited by the zealots of liberty.
America	How is it that we hear the loudest yelps for liberty among the drivers of negroes?
America	Sir, they are a race of convicts, and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging. - (on Americans)
America	The only way to success in American public life lies in flattering and kowtowing to the mob.
America	Perhaps the most revolting character that the United States ever produced was the Christian business man.
America	The United States, to my eye, is incomparably the greatest show on earth . . . we have clowns among us who are as far above the clowns of any other great state as Jack Dempsey is above the paralytic -- and not a few dozen or score of them, but whole droves and herds.
America	The American way is to seduce a man by bribery and make a prostitute of him. Or else to ignore him, starve him into submission and make a hack out of him.
America	Americans are the only people in the world know to me whose status anxiety promts them to advertise their college and univeristy affiliations in the rear window of their automobiles.
America	America is still a government of the naive, by the naive, and for the naive. He who does not know, nor relish it, has no inkling of the nature of this country.
America	The discovery of America was the occasion of the greatest outburst of cruelty and reckless greed know in history.
America	In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
America	In America, though pressure of conformity, there is freedom of choice, but nothing to choose from.
America	America is the greatest of opportunities and the worst of influences.
America	America . . . just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.
America	The orginization of American society is an interlocking system of semi-monopolies notoriously venal, an electrate nororiously unelightened, misled by a mass media notoriously phony.
America	Every time Europe looks across the Atlantic to see the American eagle, it observes only the rear end of an ostrich.
America	In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.
America	The only country in the world where failing to promote yourself is regarded as being arrogant.
America	The civilization whose absence drove Henry James to Europe. - (on America)
America	An asylum for the sane would be empty in America.
America	I have never been able to look upon America as young and vital, but rather as prematurely old, as a fruit which rotted before it had a chance to ripen. The word which gives the key to the national vice is waste.
America	America's one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.
America	Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
America	The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
America	America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism to decadence without touching civilization.
America	America is a mistake, a giant mistake.
America	The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children.
America	Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
America	A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
America	What a pity, when Christopher Colombus discovered America, that he ever mentioned it.
America	America is the land of the free, if you can afford it.
America	You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.
America	Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected. - ("The Picture of Dorian Gray")
America	America is a country that doesn't know where it's going, but is determined to set a speed record getting there.
America	If America could be, once again, a nation of self-reliant farmers, craftsmen, hunters, ranchers, and artists, then the rich would have little power to dominate others. Neither to serve nor to rule: That was the American dream.
America	In America, with all of its evils and faults, you can still reach through the forest and see the sun. But we don't know yet whether that sun is rising or setting for our country.
Americans	Americans are childish in many ways and about as subtle as a Wimpy burger; but in the long run it doesn't make any difference. They just turn on the power.
Americans	Americans are broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive there's something wrong with him.
Americans	We don't know what we want, but we are ready be bite somebody to get it.
Americans	I have defined the 100% American as 99% an idiot. And they just adore me.
Americans	The Americans are certainly great hero-worshipers, and always take their heros from the criminal classes.
Americans	The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut stupid moves, only complicated stupid moves which make us wonder at the possibility that there may be something to them which we are missing.
Americans	Americans can eat garbage, provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup, mustard, chili sauce, tobasco sauce, cayenne pepper, or any other condiment which destroys the original flavor of the dish.
Americans	Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich.
Americans	When you concider how indifferent Americans are to the quality and cooking of the food they put in their insides, it cannot but strike you as peculiar that they should take such pride in the mechanical appliances they use for its excretion.
Americans	Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them.
Americans	Americans like fat books and thin women.
Americans	Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.
Americans	We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language.
Americans	Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
Americans	People can be divided into two classes: those who go ahead and do something, and those who sit still and inquire, why wasn't it done the other way?
Americans	Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is done by children.
Americans	Nature, when she invented, manufactured, and patented her authors, contrived to make critics out of the chips that were left.
Americans	Good Americans when they die, go to Paris.
Americans	How many people live on the reputation of the reputation they might have made!
Americans	Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.
Americans	America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
Amusement	Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.
Analogies	Analogies are like, the worst. - (crank)
Analysis	Secret 205. One intelligence analyst's Analytic Outreach is another's nonconsensual groping.
Anarchism	Anarchism is not a romantic fable but the hardheaded realization, based on five thousand years of experience, that we cannot entrust the management of our lives to kings, priests, politicians, generals, and county commissioners.
Anarchy	Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea.
Ancestry	The man who has nothing to boast of but his illustrious ancestry is like the potato - the best part under ground.
Anger	If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.
Anger	Dangerous is wrath concealed. Hatred proclaimed doth lose its chance of wreaking vengeance.
Anger	Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
ANGER	Those that like to give others "a piece of their mind" shouldn't be surprised by how quickly they run out of pieces. - (Author "COMMENTS USA")
ANGER	Those who like to give others "a piece of their mind" shouldn't be surprised by how quickly they run out of pieces. - (Author )
Animals	A cow is a very good animal in the field; but we turn her out of a garden.
Animals	We are told, that the black bear is innocent; but I should not like to trust myself with him.
Animals	Animals have these advantages over man: they have no theologians to instuct them, their funerals cost them nothing, and no starts lawsuits over their wills.
Animals	I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
Animals	It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese.
Animals	We have enslaved the rest of the animal creation, and have treated our distant cousins in fur and feathers so badly that beyond doubt, if they were able to formulate a religion, they would depict the Devil in human. - (clergyman, scholar, and author)
Annoyance	There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
Annoyances	A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one.
Annoying	There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.
Anonymity	"Anonymous" was never born, and will never die.
Anonymous	The truth comes out when the spirits go in.
Answer	I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building.
Antarctica	Men wanted for Hazardous Journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return doubtful. Honor and recognition in case of success. - (Advertisement for crew members)
Anti-feminism	The real liberators of American women were not the feminist noisemakers; they were the automobile, the supermarket, the shopping center, the dishwasher, the washer-dryer, the freezer.
Antiques	An antique is something that's been useless so long it's still in pretty good condition.
Apathy	Give a rat's ass. - (First uttered in 1962 at the Sigma Phi Epsilon Fraternity house in Berkeley, CA.)
Apathy	Give a rat's a_ _. - (First uttered in 1962 at the Sigma Phi Epsilon Fraternity house in Berkeley, CA.)
Appearances	In real life, unlike in Shakespeare, the sweetness of the rose depends upon the name it bears. Things are not only what they are. They are, in very important respects, what they seem to be.
Appearances	She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Appeasement	An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile -- hoping it will eat him last.
Applause	This strange beating together of hands has no meaning. To me it is very disturbing. We try to make sounds like music, and then it between comes this strange sound,
Aptitude	My professor in college told me I have the perfect face for radio. - (TV weatherman)
Aquariums	There is something about a home aquarium which sets my teeth on edge the moment I see it. Why anyone would want to live with a small container of stagnant water populated by a half-dead guppy is beyond me.
Archbishop	Archbishop: a Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
Architecture	Architecture is the art of how to waste space.
Architecture	The physician can bury his mistakes, but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines.
Argument	I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
Arguments	Johnson having argued for some time with a pertinacious gentleman; his opponent, who had talked in a very puzzling manner, happened to say, 'I don't understand you, Sir;' upon which Johnson observed, 'Sir, I have found you an argument; but I am not obliged to find you an understanding.'
Arguments	Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
Arising	He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is. - (about one of his boxing trainees)
arithmetic	Two plus two equals five -- for sufficiently large values of two.
Armageddon	Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
Armageddon	Both the cockroach and the bird would get along very well without us, although the cockroach would miss us most.
Armageddon	The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.
Armageddon	If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.
armed services	When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.
Arogance	Under the veil of the pompous and arrogant, often lives the sad and pathetic. - (Librarian)
Arrogance	To knock a thing down, especially if it is cocked at an arrogant angle, is a deep delight of the blood.
Arrogance	Arrogant is a word used to describe people who are successful without kissing ass to their inferiors.
Arrogance	I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.
Arrogance	You gotta say this for the white race – its self confidence knows no bounds. Who else could go to a small island in the Pacific where there's no poverty, no crime, no unemployment, no war, and no worry – and call it a "primitive society?"
Arrogance	Folks, this is the finest cookware, made in America, by Americans, for Americans. - (hawker at a livestock show)
Arrogance	We Americans, we're a simple people; but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.
arrogance	The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, "Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses." Now she's got a baseball bat and yelling, "You want a piece of me?"
Art	Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.
Art	If more than ten percent of the population likes a painting it should be burned, for it must be bad
Art	Without art, the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable.
Art	[Abstract art is] a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
Art	A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions than anything else in the world.
Art	The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums.
Art	The more minimal the art, the more maximum the explanation.
Art	I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need. - (when asked to explain his sculpture method)
Art	All art is but imitation of nature.
Art	The enemy of art is the absence of limitations.
Art	Art is science made clear.
Art	The first mistake of art is to assume that it's serious. - (rock critic)
Art	Anyone who sees and paints a sky green and fields blue ought to be sterilized.
Art	There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can remove all traces of reality.
Artistry	I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day. - (painter)
artistry	Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.
Artists	I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time.
Artists	Bad artists copy; great artists steal.
Ascending Spiral	Everybody line up and form an ascending spiral.
Aspiration	If mankind had wished for what is right, they might have had it long ago.
Aspirations	We are members of a strange species that devotes its energies to climbing the ladder of success in order to make money to buy things we don't like.
Assassination	Assassination is the extreme form of censorship
Assassination	Assassination, n. A form of censorship that can be enforced with a bullet or by the stroke of a pen.
Associates	When you mess around with jail-bait, you accept the consequences.
Astrology	Who needs astrology? The wise man gets by on fortune cookies.
Atheism	The courts are merely a ruse, if you will, for humanist, atheistic educators to beat up on Christians.
Atheistism	An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
Atomic theory	We might as well attempt to introduce a new planet into the solar system or annihilate one already in existence, as to create or destroy a particle of hydrogen. - (early atomic theorist)
Atrocity	My delegation cannot refrain from speaking on this question -- we who have such an intimate knowledge of boxcars and of deportations to unknown destinations that we cannot be silent.
Attitude	A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Attitude	I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it.
Aught	We ought not let aught be for naught.
Austerity	Property is a nuisance. - (Hungarian mathematician)
Australians	Australian Animal Rights Activist? bit of a double negative that one!
Authority	Authority poisons everybody who takes authority on himself.
Authority	Since I'm the judge, it's a very stupid thing to irritate me.
Authors	An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with, insists on boring future generations.
Authors	The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who can write know anything.
Authorship	The author of the Iliad is either Homer or, if not Homer, somebody else of the same name.
Authorship	Yeah, it's the best book I ever read. - (to an interviewer congratulating him on the publication of his book)
autobiographies	I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
Autobiography	Autobiography is an unrivalled vehicle for telling the truth about other people.
automobiles	Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary... That's what gets you.
Automobilism	The number of registered passenger motor vehicles in the US exceeds the number of licensed drivers.
automotive	(about the Chevrolet Corvette Z06) In many ways then this car is like herpes. Great fun catching it but not so much fun live with every day.
Avarice	Avarice and happiness never saw each other, how then should they become acquainted?
Average	To be better than average, you only have to be better than half.
Averages	Half the people you know are below average.
Aviation mathematics	The aviation theorem: If the plane you are on is late, then the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
Awards	I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
Awards	Awards are like hemorrhoids; in the end, every asshole gets one.
Awards	It [the Legion of Honor] is taken rather seriously by those who have recieved it.
Awards	This medal [the National Book Award], together with my American Express card, will identify me worldwide -- except at Bloomindale's.
Awards	Nothing would disgust me more, morally, than recieving an Oscar.
Awards	Awards are merely the badges of mediocrity.
B.S.	Excuse me for a moment, my B.S. detector is ringing.
Babble	I am such a strong admirer and supporter of George W. Bush that if he suggested eliminating the income tax or doubling it, I would vote yes on first blush.
Babbling	I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you. This is not a message of hate; this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It'll bring about terrorist bombs; it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor. - (right-wing evangelist)
Babies	I find that the most successful approach to the subject of babies is to discuss them as though they were hams; the firmness of the flesh, the pinkness of the flesh, the even distibution of fat, the sweetness and tenderness of the whole, and the placing of bone are things to praise.
Babies	A soiled baby, with a neglected nose, cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.
Bach	Johann Sebastian Bach was a famous composer. He had 20 children. In the attic he kept a spinster on which he practiced.
Bachelors	Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier that others.
BACKWARD EVOLUTION	If we were only considering the social behavior of mankind and of the great apes, we would conclude that the great apes evolved from man. - (Author )
Bad Habits	See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails?
Bad news	Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
Banking	It is well enough that the people of this nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning.
Bankruptcy	Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors.
Banks	A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
Banks	A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
Baseball	Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.
Baseball	If the fans don't wanna come out to the ballpark, no one can stop 'em. - (as quoted by Joe Garagiola on the Jack Paar show, NBC 1963)
Bathing	I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
Batteries	Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Be careful	Keep honking, I'm reloading.
Beauty	She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Beauty	Beauty is only skin deep; ugly goes all the way to the bone.
Beauty	If you're considered a beauty, it's hard to be accepted doing anything but standing around.
Beauty	Use harms and even destroys beauty. The noblest function of an object is to be contemplated.
Beer	Put it back in the horse. - (of beer)
Beer	The United States contains 5% of the world's population, yet uses 24% of the world's energy. On the other hand, the US produces 20% of the world's beer, but consumes only 12.8%. So it's not like the US isn't sharing.
Befuddlement	The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century.
Being Me	Nobody knows how it feels to be me, except it.
Belief	The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief accupation of mankind.
Belief	Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Belief	Oh, what a tangled web we weave / When first we practice to believe.
Belief	Belief is the death of intelligence. As soon as one believes a doctrine of any sort, or assumes certitude, one stops thinking about that aspect of existence.
Beliefs	Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.
Beliefs	The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
Beliefs	I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Beliefs	My opinion of mankind is founded upon the mournful fact that: they find within themselves the means of believing in a thousand times as much as there is to believe in.
Beliefs	What's the difference between belief and science? Belief is conviction without evidence. Science is evidence without conviction.
Berra-ism	I want to rush for 1,000 yards or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.
Best-Sellers	A best-seller is the gilded tomb of a mediocre talent.
Betting	It may be that the race is not always to the swift, mor the battle to the stong -- but that is the way to bet.
bewilderment	Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Bible	The insperation of the Bible depends on the ingrance of the gentleman who reads it.
Bible	Scriptures, n. The sacred book of our holy religion, as distingushed from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
Bible	So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.
Bible	The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enimies; probably because they are generally the same people.
Bible	It ain't the part of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it's the parts that I do understand
Bible	The Good Book -- one of the most remarkable euphemisms ever coined.
Bible	When I think of all the harm the Bible has done, I despair of ever writing anything to equal it. - (Irish-born author)
Bible	Those who talk of the Bible as a "monument of English prose" are merely admiring it as a monument over the grave of Christianity. - (American poet and critic)
Bickering	The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!
BIG PROBLEMS ???	It seems as though when we have no major problems, we do as newscasters do; we take small things and make them large - (Author Cmments USA)
Big business	Government of the Exxons, by the General Motors, for the Du Ponts.
Big Picture	Everybody wants to see the big picture. Nobody wants to smell the big scratch-and-sniff.
Bigotry	If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would find some other cause for prejudice by noon.
Bigotry	God favors no group. Only religions do that.
Bigotry	If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being.
Bigotry	Bigotry dwarfs the soul by shutting out the truth. - (minister, author, lecturer)
Billboards	I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
Binary	There are 10 types of people: those who know binary, and those who don't.
Biography	Biography lends to death a new terror.
Birth	Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
Birth	No one recovers from the disease of being born, a deadly wound if there ever was one.
Birth	It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can't speak for my twin sister.
Birth	When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
Birth	To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
Bitterness	You've got to take the bitter with the sour.
Blame	Blame someone else and get on with your life.
Blame	The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Blessed	Blessed are those who can give without remembering, and take without forgetting.
Blessings	Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
Bloodshed	I must apologize for the lack of bloodshed in tonight's program. We shall try to do better next time.
Boasting	Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Bombs	The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.
Bondage	Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
Book burning	Don't join the book burners. Don't think you are going to conceal faults by concealing evidence that they ever existed.
Books	A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.
Books	Paradise Lost is one of the books which the reader admires and puts down, and forgets to take up again. None ever wished it longer than it is.
Books	The covers of this book are too far apart.
Books	I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
Books	Books for general reading always smell badly. The odor of common people hangs about them.
Books	Books are fatal: they are the curse of the human race. Nine-tenths of existing books are nonsense, and the clever books are the refutation of that nonsense. The greatest misfortune that ever befell man was the invention of printing.
Books	From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Books	I take the view, and always have, that if you cannot say what you are going to say in twenty minutes you ought to go away and write a book about it.
Books	Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it.
Books	There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written.
Books	This paperback is very interesting, but I find it will never replace a hardcover book - it makes a very poor doorstop.
Books	It was a book to kill time for those who like it better dead.
Books	Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
Books	This book fills a much-needed gap.
Books	A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has read.
Books	All of the books in the world contain no more information than is broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year. Not all bits have equal value.
Books	People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.
Books	How long does it take to write a good book? All of the years that you've lived.
Bore	A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.
Boredom	The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
Bores	Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Bores	We often forgive those who bore us, bur we cannot fogive those whom we bore.
Bores	Bores bore each other too, but it never seems ot teach them anything.
Bores	He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.
Bores	Bore: a man who is never unintentionally rude.
Bores	Someone's boring me. I think it's me.
Bores	A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience.
Borrowing	Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect to get it back.
Boston	I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself there.
Boys	Boys are capital fellows in their own way, among their mates; but they are unwholesome companions for grown people.
Boys	The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.
Brahms	There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Braininess	I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
Brains	It's nice to be open minded, but a sieve holds few brains.
Bravery	At the bottom of not a little of the bravery that appears in the world, there lurks a miserable cowardice. Men will face powder and steel because they have not the courage to face public opinion.
Breakfast	My wife and I tried two of three times in the last forty years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
Brevity	Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
Brevity	Be sincere; be brief; be seated.
Brides	Hollywood brides keep the boquets and throw awaay the grooms.
Brides	Brides aren't happy -- they are just triumphant
Broadway	What a glorious garden of wonders the lights of Broadway would be to anyone lucky enough to be unable to read.
Brotherhood	Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood.
Brotherhood	It's silly to go on pretending that under the skin we are all brothers. The truth is more likely that under skin we are all cannibals, assassins, traitors, liars, hypocrites, poltroons.
Brotherhood	The brotherhood of man is not a mere poet's dream: it is a most depressing and humiliating reality.
Brotherhood	I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
Brotherhood	You don't live in a world all alone. Your brothers are here too. - (from Nobel Prize acceptance speech)
Bureaucracy	Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses.
Bureaucracy	Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.
Bureaucracy	The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty.
Bureaucracy	Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
Bureaucracy	The longer the title, the less important the job.
Bureaucracy	Most managers were trained to be the thing they most despise -- bureaucrats.
Bush	Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate -- The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language.
Bush	The government has announced plans to build a 700-mile-long fence to protect the nation's 1600-mile-long border with Mexico. Now see, that's what happens when you let President Bush do the math.
Bush	First Lady Laura Bush says she can't fall asleep without reading, unlike her husband, who can't read without falling asleep.
Bushism	While our writers were gone, Democratic candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama declared their support for the writers' strike. Meanwhile, President Bush announced he's in favor of a readers' strike.
Business	In this business you either sink or swim or you don't.
Business	The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
Business	We're not only outsourcing manufacturing to China and services to India, but we've manged to outsource our financing to Asia. - (economist)
Business	Theres no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
Business	I think that there is nothing, not even crime, more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself than this incessant business. - (naturalist)
Businessmen	My father always told me that all businessmen were sons of bitches, but I never believed it till now.
Calamity	Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
California	Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
California	Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
California	A wet dream in the mind of New York. - (on California)
California	Living in California adds ten years to a man's life. And those extra ten years I'd lilke to spend in New York.
California	California: The west coast of Iowa
California	It's a scientific fact that if you stay in California you lose one point of your IQ every year.
California	California, the department store state.
California	In California everyone goes to a therapist, is a therapist, or is a therapist going to a therapist.
California	If you stay in Beverly Hills too long you become a Mercedes.
California	In Southern California the vegetables have no flavor and the flowers have no smell.
California	The California climate make the sick well and the well sick, the old young and the young old.
California	California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange.
California	I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.
California	Whatever starts in California unfortunately has an inclination to spread.
California	There is science, logic, reason; there is thought verified by experience. And then there is California.
Calmness	Nothing is so aggrivating as calmness.
Canada	A few acres of snow. - (On Canada)
Canadians	Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States.
Capital punishment	Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
Capital Punishment	There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
capital punishment	Why do we kill people who kill people to show them that killing people is wrong?
Capitalism	Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.
Careers	The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.
Careless talk	There is no evidence that the tongue is connected to the brain.
Carnivore	I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables.
Carpentry	I trimmed off that board twice, and it was still too short. - (a carpenter’s apprentice)
Cars	People can have the Model T in any colour--so long as it's black.
Cars	The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.
Cars	Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperatelly? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.
Cars	Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.
Cats	Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Cats	Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
Cats	If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve the man but deteriorate the cat.
Cats	You can train a cat to do anything it wants to do.
Cats	As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.
Cause	The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just.
Celebrity	The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault.
Celebrity	A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know.
Celibacy	Celibacy is not hereditary.
Censorship	A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
Censorship	Censure is willingly indulged, because it always implies some superiority: men please themselves with imagining that they have made a deeper search, or wider survey than others, and detected faults and follies which escape vulgar observation.
Censorship	Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but, unlike charity, it should end there.
Censorship	Censors tend to do what only psychotics do: they confuse reality with illusion. - (Canadian filmmaker)
Censorship	Redact, or be redacted.
Certainty	I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.
Certainty	I may be wrong but I'm never uncertain.
Certainty, Morals	The desire for certainty in life, often becomes a fast track to the acceptance of some form of mental or physical tyranny. - (Librarian, Author)
Certianty	In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain.
Chance	In the battle of one man against the world, bet on the world.
Chance	The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Change	Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
Change	Change is inevitable -- except from a vending machine.
Change	To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.
Change	Change is good. You go first. - (in Dilbert)
Change	Never doubt that a small group of committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
Change	They say time changes things, but actually you have to change them yourself.
Change	Change is the process by which the future invades our lives.
Character	Under this flabby exterior is an enomous lack of character.
Character	My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.
Character	a well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
Character	Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
Character	He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
character	You can tell the character of every man when you see how he receives praise.
Character	Character, or the lack thereof, is revealed in how someone with power treats someone without power, and without the capacity to retaliate.
Character	He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Charity	One of the serious obstacles to the improvement of our race is indiscriminate charity.
Charity	The highest form of charity is education.
Charity	Of all the industrialized nations, we are by far the stingiest in sharing our wealth with others.
Charity	For some folks, Christian charity is only a stone's throw away.
Charity	Anonymous gifts are charity. Gifts with a name attached are publicity.
Charity	If you give money, spend yourself with it.
Charm	Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.
Cheating	A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
Cheney	Vice president Dick Cheney went duck hunting -- when he hunts, everybody ducks.
Chess	Chess is seldom found above the upper-middle class; it's too hard.
Chess	Chess is a foolish expedient of making idle people believe they are doing something very clever when they are only wasting their time.
Chess	Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake. - (Chessmaster)
Chicago	This vicious, stinking zoo, this mean-grinning, mace-smelling boneyard of a city; an elegant rockpile of a monument to everything cruel and stupid and corrupt in the human spirit.
Chicago	I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said,"Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west."
Chicago	In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it's a sport.
Childhood	Childhood, n. The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth -- two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of old age.
Childhood	People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
Childhood	The town where I grew up has a zip code of E-I-E-I-O.
Childhood	Oh, grown-ups cannot understand, And grown-ups never will, How short's the way to fairyland Across the purple hill: They smile: their smile is very bland, Their eyes are wise and chill; And yet — at just a child's command — The world's an Eden still. - (English poet)
Childishness	There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
Children	There was a time when we expected nothing of our children but obedience, as opposed to the present, when we expect everything of them but obedience.
Children	Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.
Children	How to Raise your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children
Children	Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.
Children	The thing that impresses me the most about America is they way parents obey their children.
Children	We are given children to test us and make us more spiritual.
Children	Children make the most desirable opponents in Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
Children	A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic.
Children	What is more enchanting than the voices of young people when you can't hear what they say?
Children	When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults and they enter society, one of the politer names of hell. That is why we dread children, even if we love them. They show us the state of our decay.
Children	Contemporary American children, if they are old enough to grasp the concept of Santa Claus by Thanksgiving, are able to see through it by December 15th.
Children	Go back to reform school, you little nose-picker.
Children	A son of my own! Oh, no, no, no! Let my flesh perish with me, and let not me transmit to anyone the boredom and the ignominiousness of life.
Children	My children weary me. I can only see them as defective adults; feckless, destructive, frivolous sensual, humorless.
Children	Insanity is hereditary, you get it from you children.
Children	Children are never too tender to be whipped. Like tough beefsteaks, the more you beat them, the more tender they become.
Children	I like children if they're properly cooked.
Children	By the time the youngest children have learned to keep the house tidy, the oldest grandchildren are on hand to tear it to pieces.
Children	The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant -- and let the air out of the tires.
Children	The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent.
Children	There are three terrible ages of childhood -- 1 to 10, 10 to 20, and 20 to 30.
Children	At eight or nine, I suppose, intelligence is no more that a small spot of light on the floor of a large and murky room.
Children	Children should neither be seen nor heard from -- ever again.
Children	I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
Children	Of children as of procreation -- the pleasure momentray, the posture ridiculous, the expense damnable.
Children	Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
Children	Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Children	Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.
Children	I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
Children	You know that children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers.
Children	A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he has a right not only to be right but also to be wrong.
Children	Familiarity breeds contempt--and children.
Children	It is no wonder that people are so horrible when they start their life as children.
Children	If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.
Children	Children are all foreigners.
Children	I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my shelf.
Children	Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Children	There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.
Children	Wrinkles are hereditary. Parents get them from their children.
Children	I married your mother because I wanted children. You can imagine my disappointment when you arrived.
Children	Children, who play life, discern its true law and relations more clearly than men, who fail to live it worthily, but who think that they are wiser by experience, that is, by failure.
Children	All children have good hearts, until someone beats it out of them.
Children	I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
Children	Give a little love to a child, and you get a great deal back. - (author, poet, artist)
Children	Dear God, did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it just an accident? - (child's letter to God)
Children	My house is childproof ... but they still get in.
Children	Children are the world's most valuable resource and its best hope for the future.
Christ	If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be -- a Christian
Christ	Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?
Christ	Everyone in the world is Christ and they are all crucified.
Christ	A parish demagogue.
Christ	Christ: an anarchist who succeeded. That's all.
Christ	Let's not go overboard... I prefer to think of myself as the Semi-Christ.
Christian conservatism	AIDS cures fags.
Christianity	The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad.
Christians	Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to the garage makes you a car.
Christians	People may say what they like about the decay of Christianity; the religious system that produced green Charteuse can never really die.
Christians	The Christian ideal has not tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried.
Christians	People in general are equally horrified at hearing the Chrisian religion doubted, and at seeing it practiced.
Christians	The Christian religion not only was at first attended with miracles, but even at this day cannot be believed by any reasonable person without one.
Christians	Organized Christianity has probably doen more to retard the ideas that were its founder's than any other agency in the world.
Christians	What I got in Sunday School . . . was simply a firm conviction that the Christian faith was full of palpable absurdities, and the Christian God preposterous.
Christians	I admire the serene assurance of those who have religous faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
Christians	The last Christian died on the cross.
Christians	Christian, n. One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistant with a life of sin.
Christians	He's a born-again Christian. The trouble is, he suffered brain damage during rebirth
Christians	The problem with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.
Christmas	I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
Christmas	I don't buy Christmas presents. If they want stock for next spring's garage sales let them purchase it themselves.
Christmas	Call me a stickler for grammar, but for me, "A Christmas Carol" was always missing the Ghost of Christmas Present Perfect.
Christmas	Current Bush administration policy would seem best summed up by the term 'Prevenge'.
Christmas	Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer.... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? -- Calvin's Dad - (Cartoonist, Calvin & Hobbes)
Church	The Churches must learn humility as well as teach it.
Church and State	Whose nation, under whose God? Keep church and state separate.
Churches	We don't build churches for God; we build them for us. - (Rabbi)
CIA	Underhead reconnaissance is the greater INT by far.
Civility	Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them again on your way down.
Civilization	It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.
Civilization	Can you tell me, in a world that is flagrant with the failures of civilizations, what there is particularly immortal about yours?
Civilization	London hath a great belly and no palate.
Civilization	We are born princes and the civilizing process makes us frogs.
Civilization	The civilized are those who get more out of life than the uncivilized, and for this the uncivilized have never forgiven them.
Civilization	Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
Civilization	The civilization of one epoch becomes the manure of the next.
Civilization	The State of a civilized society can be divined from the manner in which it responds to its criminals.
Class	The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern.
Class	The classes that wash most are those that work least.
Class	Each class preaches the importance of those virtues it need not exercise. The rich harp on the value of thrift, the idle grow eloquent over the dignity of labor.
Cleanliness	My wife had a particular reverence for cleanliness, and desired the praise of neatness in her dress and furniture, as many ladies do, till they become troublesome to their best friends, slaves to their own besoms, and only sigh for the hour of sweeping their husbands out of the house as dirt and useless lumber: a clean floor is so comfortable, she would say sometimes, by way of twitting; till at last I told her, that I thought we had had talk enough about the floor, we would now have a touch at the ceiling.
Cleanliness	You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty.
Clergy	A clergyman is one who feels himself called upon to live without working at the expense of the rascals who work to live.
Clergy	Clergyman, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.
Clergy	Of learned men, the clergy show the lowest development of professional ethics. Any pastor is free to cadge customers from the divines of rival sects, and to denounce the divines themeselves as theological quacks.
Cleveland	Anyone found smoking in the rest room will be put on the next flight to Cleveland.
Cliches	Let's have some new cliches.
Clinton	President Bush and Bill Clinton both agree that cloning is morally wrong. Clinton said that he thinks humans should be made the old-fashioned way -- liquored up in a cheap hotel room.
Cloning	The cloning of humans is on most of the lists of things to worry about from Science, along with behaviour control, genetic engineering, transplanted heads, computer poetry and the unrestrained growth of plastic flowers.
Cloning	We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Clothing	We should distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Cloths	Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Cocktail	The cocktail is a stimulating liquor composed of spirits of any kind, sugar, water, and bitters—it is vulgarly called a bittered sling and is supposed to be an excellent electioneering potion, inasmuch as it renders the heart stout and bold, at the same time that it fuddles the head. It is said, also to be of great use to a . . . candidate: because, a person having swallowed a glass of it, is ready to swallow anything else." - (First known use of the word cockail)
Cold	Cold! If the thermometer had been an inch longer we'd all have frozen to death!
Collaboration	Collaboration has already given us long periods of peace and prosperity. Ultimately it will lead to a planet without countries, without wars, without patriotism, without religions, without poverty -- and we will be able to share the world. - (physicist)
Colorado	In the Colorado mountains there are three seasons: July, August, and winter.
Combat	Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.
Comebacks	Heckler: "Mr. Churchill, if I were your wife, I would poison your coffee!" Churchill: "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
Comedy	Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Comic Books	I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.
comic strip	I'm not dumb I just have a command of thoroughly useless information
comic strip	I'm not dumb I just have a command of thoroughly useless information
comic strip	I'm not dumb I just have a command of thoroughly useless information
Commitment	The difference between contribution and commitment? Ham and eggs requires a contribution from the chicken, but a commitment from the pig.
Committees	Committee--a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
Committees	A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.
Committees	There is no monument dedicated to the memory of a committee.
Committees	A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Common criminals	What do Martha Stewart and George W. Bush have in common? Both are afraid of a long sentence.
Common Ground	When you reach common ground, check to make sure you're not sinking.
Common Sense	Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Common Sense	Time is what the Universe gave us to keep everything from happening all at once.
Communication	Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down.
Communication	I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.
Communication	I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Communication	I have received no more than one or two letters in my life that were worth the postage.
Communism	Communisim is like one big phone company.
Communism	Communisim like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophesies.
Communism	Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
Communism	A communist is like a crocodile: when it opens its mouth you cannot tell whether it is trying to smile or preparing to eat you up.
Communism	How do you tell a Communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin.
Communism	Communism was the brain-child of German-Jewish intellectuals. - (Evangelist)
Community	"Love your neighbor" is an old idea that is still too new for most of us.
Community	There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies.
community	Thieves are just smart enough to know the street value of merchandise. They have no clue as to the value of a properly functioning human community.
Community	On Spaceship Earth there are no passengers; everybody is a member of the crew. We have moved into an age in which everybody's activities affect everybody else.
Community	It takes a whole village to raise a child.
Compassion	It is a denial of justice not to stretch out a helping hand to the fallen; that is the common right of humanity.
Compassion	Compassion is not weakness, and concern for the unfortunate is not socialism.
Compassion	It's easy to make a buck. It's a lot tougher to make a difference. - (news broadcaster)
Compassion	Better a bleeding heart than none at all.
compassion	It's no accident many accuse me of conducting public affairs with my heart instead of my head. Well, what if I do? Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either.
compassion	You don't have to believe everything you think.
compassion	Compassion and tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength.
Competence	Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.
Competition	The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Competition	It's a contest only if you're winning.
Compexity	Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.
Complaining	Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
Complaining	The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced.
Complaining	I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
Compliments	Some fellows pay a compliment like they expected a receipt. - (humorist)
Composure	Mrs. Lindsay: You certainly look cool. Berra: Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself.
Comprehension	A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Compromise	A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.
Compromise	When life hands you lemons...it does not intend to hand you sugar too...
computer programming	It's all a bunch of 1's and 0's, how hard could it be?
Computers	I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Computers	In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it.
Computers	To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
Computers	Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Computers	If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Computers	All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
Computers	Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Computers	Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.
Computers	The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor.', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs.'
Computers	If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Computers	The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little.
Computers	Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Computers	Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
Computers	If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Computers	What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
Computers	There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home.
Computers	The computing field is always in need of new cliches.
Computers	Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equpped with 18,000 vaccuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vaccuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1 1/2 tons.
Computers	Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest.
Computers	Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Computers	At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
Computers	There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
Computers	A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Computers	Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
Computers	The computer can do more work faster than a human because it doesn't have to answer the phone.
computers	A computer is like an airplane: it's something everyone can use, but only a few know how to operate.
Computers	The difference between friends and computers: friends ask first if they can hang and crash.
Conceit	The world tolerates conceit from those who are successful, but not from anybody else.
Conceit	I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.
Conduct	Resolved, never to do anything which I should be afraid to do if it were the last hour of my life.
Conduct	When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.
Conferences	A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Confession	Nothing spoils a confession like repentence.
Confession	Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed jacket is good for dandruff -- it is a palliative rather than a remedy.
Confidence	Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, "Certainly I can!" Then get busy and find out how to do it.
Conflict	Americans tend to see conflicts in terms of friend/enemy, angel/devil. This view is one of the major impediments to realizing our global potential as a champion of peace.
Conflict	No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
conflict	Cooperation isn't the absence of conflict but a means of managing conflict.
Conflict	It is the enemy who can truly teach us to practice the virtues of compassion and tolerance.
Conformity	We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves to be like other people.
Conformity	The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher regard those who think alike than those who think differently.
Confusion	If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
Confusion	If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.
Confusion	You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Confusion	If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there.
Confusion	Confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not understood.
Congress	Congress -- these, for the most part, illiterate hacks whose fancy vests are spotted with gravy, and whose speeches, hypocritical, unctous, and slovenly, are spotted also with the gravy of political patronage.
Congress	Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.
Congress	When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty'.
Congress	This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer
Congress	There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.
Congress	Every time they make a joke, it's a law, and every time they make a law, it's a joke. - (about congress)
Congress	We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex -- but Congress can.
Congress	Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.
Conquest	Once they were a happy race. Now they are made miserable by the white people, who are never contented but are always encroaching. - (Shawnee Chief, about his people)
Conscience	Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
Conscience	Conscience and cowardice are really the same thing. Conscience is the trade-name of the firm.
Conscience	A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
Conscience	Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.
Conscience	A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory.
Conscience	Never do anything against conscience, even if the state demands it.
Conscience	A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Consent	No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
conserv-ing	Most political conservatives are poor conservationists.
Conservation	If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.
Conservative	Conservative, n. A statesman who is enamoured of existing evils, as distiguished from a liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.
Conservatives	A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits.
Conservatives	A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.
Conservatives	Do Republicans send their kids to conservative-arts colleges?
Consistency	The only completely consistent people are the dead.
Consistency	Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago.
Consistency	Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
Constitution	We should avoid modifying the constitution in response to cyclical changes in American public opinion.
Consumerism	People will buy anything that is one to a customer.
Contempt	Oscar . . . is full of contempt for himself. And good neurotic that he is, he is willing to share this contempt with the world. - (on Oscar Levant)
Contentment	I have not a word to say against contented people, so long as they keep quiet. But do not, for goodness sake, let them go strutting about, as they are so fond of doing, crying out that they are the true models for the whole species.
Contentment	Be content with your lot; one cannot be first in everything.
Contraception	It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics and chemistry.
Contracts	A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Contradiction	Extremists should be executed. - (joking)
Conversation	The problem with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
Conversation	A prating barber asked Archelaus how he would be trimmed. He answered, "In Silence."
Conversation	During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk, today we have small men enjoying big talk.
Conversation	Conversation is the enemy of good wine and food.
Conversation	If other people are going to talk, conversation becomes impossible.
Conversation	It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.
Conversation	To talk well and eloquently is a very great art, but an equally great one is to know the right moment to stop.
Convictions	Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.
Cooking	Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.
Cooking	I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Cooperation	If you have come to help me, you can go home. But if you see my struggle as part of your own survival, then perhaps we can work together.
Cooperation	I never did anything alone. Whatever was accomplished in this country was accomplished collectively. - (Israeli Prime Minister)
Corporations	Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
Corporations	Multinational corporations influence the lives and welfare of billions of people yet their accountability is limited to their shareholders and their influence on national and international policy-making kept behind the scenes. - (1999 Human Development Report)
Correction	Conviction is worthless unless it is converted into conduct.
Corruption	I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
Corruption	Please God, let me prove to you that winning the lottery won't corrupt me. - (on a t-shirt)
Corruption	The rich man is always sold to the institution which makes him rich. Absolutely speaking, the more money, the less virtue.
Cosmetic Surgery	I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso
cost of living	In St. Louis, a church group is holding prayer services at gas stations asking God to lower fuel prices. If it works, the church will hold a prayer service at Starbucks.
Country	There is nothing good to be had in the country, or if there is, they will not let you have it.
Country	I have no relish for the country, it is a kind of healthy grave.
Country	O Lord! I don't know which is the worst of the country, the walking or the sitting at home with nothing to do.
Country	The country has charms only for those not obliged to stay there.
Country	Anybody can be good in the country. There are no temptations there.
Courage	I would rather be a coward than brave because people hurt you when you are brave.
Courage	Courage is the fear of being thought a coward.
Courage	Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
Courage	The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself, in spite of being unacceptable.
Courage	The test of courage comes when we are in the minority; the test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority. - (US religious leader)
Courage	Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
Courtroom	This boy doesn't know if he is afoot or horseback.
Courts	The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.
Courts	When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Coveting	He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it - namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain. - ("The Adventures of Tom Sawyer", Chapter 2)
Crazy	My psychiatrist told me I was crazy. I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Creation	My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed
Creation	There is for me powerful evidence that there is something going on behind it all. It seems as though somebody has fine-tuned nature's numbers to make the Universe ... the impression of design is overwhelming.
Creativity	The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Creativity	If I create from the heart, nearly everything works; if from the head, almost nothing.
Creativity	Whatever creativity is, it is in part a solution to a problem.
Creativity	Nor do I hear in my imagination the parts successively; I hear them all at once. What a delight this is! All this inventing, this producing, takes place in a pleasing, lively dream.
Crime	Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
Crime	Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?'
Crime	Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
Crime	Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime.
Crime	The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law.
Crime	A kleptomaniac can't help helping himself
Crime	When is conduct a crime, and when is a crime not a crime? When Somebody Up There -- a monarch, a dictator, a Pope, a legislator -- so decrees.
Criminals	Criminal: A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.
Crisis	Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
Crisis	There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Criteria	Well, I think I'll get saddled up and go looking for a woman. Shouldn't take more than a couple of days. I'm not picky. As long as she's smart, pretty, and sweet, and gentle, and tender, and refined, and lovely, and carefree ... - (the movie)
Criticism	Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.
Criticism	Tonstant Weader fwowed up. - (review of "Whinnie the Pooh" in her column Constant Reader)
Criticism	If you will only take the precaution to go in long enough after it commences and to come out long enough before it is over, you will not find it wearisome.
Criticism	The House Beautiful, is the play lousy.
Criticism	When I saw "Annie" (at a date's insistance) I had to hit myself on the had afterward with a small hammer to get the stupid "Tomorrow" song out of my head.
Criticism	Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
Criticism	People ask for criticism, but they only want praise.
Criticism	I have benefited greatly from criticism, and at no time have I suffered from a lack thereof.
Criticism	When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home.
Critics	Pay no attention to what the critics say; there has never been set up a statue in honor of a critic.
Critics	Reviewing has one advantage over suicide; in suicide you take it out of yourself; in reviewing you take it out of other people.
Critics	Criticism is a study by which men grow important and formidible at very small expense.
Critics	Criticism is the art wherewith a critic tries to guess himself into a share of the artist's fame.
Critics	There are some men born only to suck out the poison of books.
Critics	Critics are a dissembling, dishonest, contempable race of men. Asking a working writer what he thinks of critics is like asking a lampost what it feels about dogs.
Critics	A book reviewer is usually a barker before the door of a publisher's circus.
Critics	A drama critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.
Critics	Critics are like pigs at the pastry cart.
Critics	Drooling, driveling, doleful, depressing, dropsical drips. - (on Critics)
Critics	Has anybody ever seen a drama critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.
Critics	A critic is a gong at a railroad crossing clanging loudly and vainly as the train goes by.
Critics	A critic is a legless man who teaches running
Critics	Critics are like eunuchs in a harem: they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.
Critics	Critic, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.
Critics	Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
Critics	Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.
Critics	No degree of dullness can safeguard a work against the determination of critics to find it fascinating.
Critics	Any time something is written against me, I not only share the sentiment but feel I could do the job far better myself. Perhaps I should advise would-be enemies to send me their grievances beforehand, with full assurance that they will receive my every aid and support. I have even secretly longed to write, under a pen name, a merciless tirade against myself.
Critics	A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
Critics	A critic's review is an individual's attempt to insert him/herself into the efforts of another in the hope of acquiring a tidbit of the results of the effort in a parasitic manner. - (Librarian)
Critisism	When the people criticised and answered his pamphlets, papers, etc. "Why now, these fellows are only advertising my book (he would say); it is surely better a man should be abused than forgotten."
Critisism	You may abuse a tragedy, though you cannot write one. You may scold a carpenter who has made you a bad table, though you cannot make a table. It is not your trade to make tables.
Critism	Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.
Cruelty	Man is the cruelest animal.
Cuba	What's the most popular website in Cuba? InnerTube.
Cults	A cult is a religion with no political power.
Cultural Appropriation	I'd criticize cultural appropriation, but that would require my appropriating a culture of criticism.
Cultural travel	I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to. - (on whether he had visited the Parthenon while in Greece)
Culture	Culture is an instrument wielded by professors to manufacture professors, who when their turn comes will manufacture professors.
Culture	In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed; but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, they had 500 years of democracy and peace. And what did that produce? The cuckoo clock. - (in The Third Man)
Culture	Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.
Cure	I have the perfect cure for the sore throat; cut it.
Curiosity	Curiosity is one of the most permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.
Curiostiy	Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Cynicism	The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
Cynicism	Cyncicism, as a state of mind, produces more accurate observations about the universe that practically any other.
Cynics	Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth
Cynics	What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Cynics	A cynic is not merely one who reads lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.
Cynics	Cynic, n. A blackgaurd whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
Cynics	A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
Dali	Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Dan Quayle	Dan Quayle has a new idea for improving his image. He promises no more long pauses while reciting the alphabet.
Dancing	I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
Dark Ages	Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as including our own.
Data Mining	The analytical challenges of data mining are manageable, provided proper safety equipment is worn.
Dating	I have such poor vision I can date anybody.
Deadbeats	If it looks like a deadbeat and talks like a deadbeat, then it must be a deadbeat.
Deadlines	I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Death	If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.
Death	I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.
Death	Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
Death	Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something. - (His last words.)
Death	After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Death	I am just going outside and may be some time.
Death	In this world, nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.
Death	A very ignorant young fellow, who had plagued us all for nine or ten months, died at last consumptive: ""I think (said Mr. Johnson when he heard the news), I am afraid, I should have been more concerned for the death of the dog; but -------- (hesitating a while) I am not wrong now in all this, for the dog acted up to his character on every occasion that we know; but that dunce of a fellow helped forward the general disgrace of humanity.
Death	Depend upon it, Sir, when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.
Death	Sleep is lovely, death is better still, not to have been born is of course the miracle.
Death	It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year.
Death	Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
Death	There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Death	Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
Death	Oh, come on. If you can't laugh at the walking dead, who can you laugh at?
Death	I hate life, I hate death and everything in between just doesn't interest me.
Death	It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens
Death	Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Death	For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
Death	On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
Death	Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
Death	Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.
Death	Is there life before death?
Death	My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.
Death	A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
Death	It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Death	So you think *I'm* the murderer? What do I have to do to convince you that I'm not, be the next victim?' 'Well, that would be a start.
Death	Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Death	I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Death	What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
Death	I want to be burried upside down; so that the world can kiss my ass.
Death	The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our ways - I to die, and you to live. Which is better God only knows.
Death	Death is a friend of ours; and he that is not ready to entertain him is not at home. - (essayist, philosopher, and statesman)
Death	I told you I was ill. - (His epitaph)
Death	Death is every man's final critic. To die well you must live bravely.
Death	Death, when we come to consider it closely, is the true goal of our existence.
Death	If you live long enough something will kill you
Death epitaph	I told you I was ill
Death of children	It is so soon that I am done for, I wonder what I was begun for. - (epitaph on a child’s gravestone)
Debate	The most important thing in an argument, next to being right, is to leave an escape hatch for your opponent, so that he can gracefully swing over to your side without too much apparent loss of face. - (Columnist)
Debt	A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing.
Debt	A man properly must pay the fiddler. In my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra had to be subsidized.
Debt	We pay the debts of the last generation by issuing bonds payable by the next generation.
Decency	Decency . . . must be an even more exhausting state to mantain than its opposite. Those who secceed seemto need a stupefying amount of sleep
Deciseveness	I used to be undecisive, but now I'm not so sure
Decision	If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
Decisions	When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.
Delusion	The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.
Delusions	Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.
Delusions	It is a common delusion that you make things better by talking about them.
Democracy	Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
Democracy	An aristocracy of blackguards.
Democracy	In every well-governed stat wealth is a sacred thing; in democracies it is the only sacred thing.
Democracy	Democracy give every man the right bot his own oppressor.
Democracy	The worship of jackals by jackasses
Democracy	Democracy becomes a government of bullies, tempered by editors.
Democracy	The substitution of election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
Democracy	The bludgeioning of the people, by the people, for the people
Democracy	Democracy encourages the majority to decide things about which the majority is blissfully ignorant.
Democracy	A democracy is a government in the hands of men of low birth, no property, and vulgar employments.
Democracy	Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.
Democracy	Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time.
Democracy	Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Democracy	On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
Democracy	Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them.
Democracy	It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.
Democracy	Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.
Democracy	In democracy its your vote that counts.; In feudalism its your count that votes.
Democracy	Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
Democracy	Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.
Democracy	Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and are right.
Democracy	The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.
Democracy	It's not the voting that's democracy; it's the counting.
Democracy	Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.
Democracy	Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.
Democracy	Democracy is the Ouija board theory of government.
Democracy	The other day, someone told me the difference between a democracy and a people's democracy. It's the same difference between a jacket and a straitjacket.
Democracy	The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
Democracy	Take away the shephard and the sheep will follow wolves.
Democracy	Democracy is like a school boy’s top. It runs upon so small a point, that it cannot support its own weight, unless kept constantly turning and turning.
Democracy	Democracy gives every man the right to be his own oppressor. - (American poet)
Democracy	Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
Democracy	Democracy is hypocrisy when the government does not accept the will of the electorate.
Democracy	Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who'll get the blame.
Democracy	This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their Constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it.
Democracy	A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine.
Democracy	Democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts and murders itself. There was never a democracy that did not commit suicide. - (US President #2)
demotivation	hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off right now
demotivation	a journey of a thousand miles can sometimes end very very badly
Denial	Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down? That's not my department, says Wernher von Braun.
Denial	I've never quite believed that one chance is all I get.
Denmark	The government of Denmark announced today that they would recall all their troops from Iraq. You didn't know that Denmark had an army? Yeah, Lars left on Friday; Sten will go home on Monday.
Depression	I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.
desert traveler's advice	Drink the water while you're still alive. It won't help later.
Despair	Despair leads to boredom, electronic games, computer hacking, poetry, and other bad habits.
Desperation	Nowadays men lead lives of noisy desperation.
Destinations	I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.
Details	William Feather said 'Beware of the man who won't be bothered with details,' though he didn't offer specifics.
Diagnosis	Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of disease by the patient's pulse and purse.
Diaries	Keep a diary and one day it'll keep you.
Dichotomy	There are two types of people: Those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.
Dick Cheney	While visiting troops, Vice President Dick Cheney was given a 19-gun salute -- then he returned fire.
dictatorial power	Every movement that seeks to enslave a country, every dictatorship or potential dictatorship, needs some minority group as a scapegoat which it can blame for the nation's troubles and use as a justification of its own demand for dictatorial powers. In Soviet Russia, the scapegoat was the bourgeoisie; in Nazi Germany, it was the Jewish people; in America, it is the businessmen.
Diet	If we're not supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Diet	I didn't eat enough vegetables, so now I have to act like one.
Dieting	I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.
Difference Between The Sexes	Women dine; men feed.
Difficulty	Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.
Dignity	No race can prosper until it learns that there is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem.
Dimplomacy	A diplomat...is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Diplomacy	I'm convinced there's a small room in the attic of the Foreign Office where future diplomats are tought to stammer.
Diplomacy	Diplomacy: n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
Diplomacy	The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy -- give on and take ten.
Diplomacy	Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
Diplomacy	Speak softly, and carry a big stick.
Directness	Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.
Disappointment	We're so used to being disappointed, that if we're not disappointed again this year, we'll be disappointed.
Disappointment	I quit being disillusioned when I quit being illusioned. - ((unknown self))
Discovery	They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea.
Discovery	Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.
Discovery	I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Discovery	You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.
Discrimination	We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people. - (Colonel, ROTC instructor)
Disease	Ever notice that fifteen minutes into a Jerry Lewis telethon you start rooting for the disease?
Disease	They certainly give very strange names to diseases.
Disease	First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
Disgusting	Your skin cells are all dead. It's a somewhat galling notion to reflect that every inch of your surface is deceased. - (Author of A Short History of Nearly Everything)
Dishonesty	There's one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him; if he says yes, you know he is crooked.
Disorderly	One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
Dispute	I am not arguing with you. I'm telling you. - (painter and etcher)
Distribution of wealth	When 80 percent of the world's wealth belongs to 1 percent of the people, how can we expect peace? - (2003 Nobel Peace Prize recipient)
Distruction	Nothing ever goes away.
Distrust	Joyous Distrust is a sign of health. Everything absolute belongs to pathology.
Distrust	We have to distrust each other. It's our only defense againt betrayl.
Divorce	Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
Divorce	Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Do-gooders	If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life.
Doctors	One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine.
Doctors	Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, wheras doctors rob you and kill you, too.
Doctors	The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.
Doctors	Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing.
Doctors	God heals, and the doctor take the fee.
Doctors	The best doctor is the one you run for and can't find.
Doctors	A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.
Doctors	If you believe the doctors, nothing is wholesome; if you believe the theologians, nothing is innocent; if you believe the military, nothing is safe.
Doctors	One has a greater sense of intellectual degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience.
Doctors	We have not lost faith, but we have transferred it from God to the medical profession.
Doctors	Never go to a Doctor whose office plants have died.
Doctors	I'm not feeling very well -- I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
doggerel	Don't lose your head / To gain a minute / You need your head / Your brains are in it
Dogs	To be sure, the dog is loyal. But why, on that account, should we take him as an example? He is loyal to men, not to other dogs.
Dogs	The dog has seldom been successful in pulling man up to its level of sagacity, but man has fequently dragged the dog down to his.
Dogs	A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedence, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
Dogs	My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money.
Dogs	If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man.
Dogs	I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
Dogs	You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
Dogs	Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Dogs	When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
Dolls	I'm still waiting for someone to credibly explain the difference between an action figure and a doll.
Doubt	To believe is very dull. To doubt is intensely engrossing. To be on the alert is to live, to be lulled into security is to die.
Doubt	The believer is happy; the doubter is wise.
Doubt	Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in their readiness to doubt.
Doubt	I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
Doubt	Strictly speaking, you only know when you know little. Doubt grows with knowledge.
Drama	Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.
Dreaming	Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
Dreams	I could be bounded in nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams.
Dreams	Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
Dreams	In a dream you are never eighty.
Dreams	I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Drink	Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.
Drinking	There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man, by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn.
Drinking	Boswell: 'You must allow me, Sir, at least that it produces truth; in vino veritas, you know, Sir--' 'That (replied Mr. Johnson) would be useless to a man who knew he was not a liar when he was sober.'
Drinking	Anyone who hates dogs and loves whiskey can't be all bad.
Drinking	I exercise self-control and never touch any beverage stronger than gin before breakfast.
Drinking	The cost of living has gone up a dollar a quart.
Drinking	My illness is due to my doctor's insistance that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
Drinking	What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?
Drinking	I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
Drinking	Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
Drinking	A woman drove me to drink, and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.
Drinking	I have taken more out of alcohol that alcohol has taken out of me.
Drinking	I only drink to make other people seem interesting.
Drinking	Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.
Drinking	I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.
Drinking	Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
Drinking	If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
Drinking	One reason why I don't drink is because I wish to know when I am having a good time.
Drinking	Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
Drinking	The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
Drinking	When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Drinking	I always take life with a grain of salt, ... plus a slice of lemon ... and a shot of tequila
Drinking	I don't drink; I don't like it -- it makes me feel good.
Drinking	There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.
Drinking	As soon as you learn that you don't live forever, You grow fond of the fruit of the vine.
Drinking	My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Drivers	The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.
Drivers	If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would try to pass them.
Driving	People in Massachusetts all think they know how to drive a car, that is when they take the time to think. Of course, thinking is apparently not allowed while driving. - (Move here, and you'll see for yourself!)
Drugs	I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
Drugs	I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
Drunkenness	I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk. Drunks don't attend meetings.
Drunks	D.A.M.M. -- Drunks Against Mad Mothers.
Duct Tape	Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together....
Due dates	Please file your form by the due date 6/15/2000. If the due date has passed and you have not yet filed, please file your form by 8/5/1999.
Duels	I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
Dullness	It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull.
Dumbness	Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.
Duty	When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.
Duty	Duty, n. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
Dying	I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
E-mail	E-mail: A conduit for sleaze, smut, advertising at consumer expense, hoaxes, and theft.
Earth	The most common trait of all primitive peoples is a reverence for the life-giving earth, and the Native American shared this elemental ethic: The land was alive to his loving touch, and he, its son, was brother to all creatures. - (US Representative, Secretary of Interior)
Earth	The supreme reality of our time is the vulnerability of our planet.
Eating	Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them
Eating	I watch what I eat. First I watch the food, and then I eat it.
Eating words	In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.
Eccentricity	Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.
Ecology	Over the long haul of life on this planet, it is the ecologists, and not the bookkeepers of business, who are the ultimate accountants. - (U.S. Interior Secretary)
economic security	The question from a presidential candidate should not be "are you better off than you were four years ago," but rather "are the strong more just and the weak more secure?" - (political commentator)
Economics	Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
Economics	It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. - (in Observer, April 13, 1958)
Economics	The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. - (British Political Leader)
Economics	Trying to close the gap between the have and have-nots by taking from the "haves" is like trying to close the ever-increasing gap between the educated and uneducated by requiring lobotomies. - ("COMMENTS USA")
Economists	If all economists, were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.
Economists	An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
Economists	Teach a parrot the terms "supply and demand" and you've got an economist.
Economy of expression	Invariably eschew the utilization of an aggrandized word when a diminutive one suffices.
Edcuation	Public schools are the nurseries of all vice and immorality.
Edcuation	You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
Editing	Read over your compositions, and where ever you meet with a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out.
Editors	An editor should have a pimp for a brother, so he'd have someone to look up to.
Editors	Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.
Eduation	Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton. - (about Mike Tyson)
Education	It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated.
Education	There is now less flogging in our great schools than formerly, but then less is learned there; so that what the boys get at one end, they lose at the other.
Education	Remember always that the parents buy the books, and that the children never read them.
Education	You teach your daugthers the diameters of the planets and wonder when you are done that they do not delight in your company.
Education	You can't expect a boy to be depraved until he has been to a good school.
Education	How is it that little children are so intelligent and men so stupid? it must be education that does it.
Education	I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly.
Education	Education is a method wherby one acquires a higher grade of predjudices.
Education	Society produces rogues, and education makes one rogue cleverer than another.
Education	Men are born ignorant, not stupid; they are make stupid by education.
Education	Soap and education are not as sudden as massacre but they are more deadly in the long run.
Education	Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper.
Education	Education... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.
Education	A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
Education	The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving.
Education	Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.
Education	It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
Education	I think the world is run by C students.
Education	Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten
Education	If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
Education	Common sense is in spite of, not as a result of an education.
Education	Education is no substitute for intelligence. - (Quoted from Chapterhouse: Dune)
Education	Education gives stupid people delusions of normalcy, normal people delusions of granduer, and intelligent people delusions of accomplishment. All three are meaningless.
Education	Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
Education	Education is that which remains, if one has forgotten everything one learned in school.
Education	What does education often do? It makes a straight-cut ditch of a free, meandering brook.
Education	A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
Education	Next in importance to freedom and justice is popular education, without which neither freedom nor justice can be permanently maintained. - (20th U.S. President)
Education	Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
educational analysis	We are completely void of anything to do with God. Teachers can't touch a child -- even to hug a crying child. Young boys are on Ritalin and a lot of the problem is because we have a female-dominated educational system which tries to make little boys act like little girls.
Efficiency	Efficiency is intelligent laziness.
Ego	The affair between Margot Asquith and Margot Asquith will live as one of the prettiest love stories in all history.
Egoism	An ostentatious man will rather relate a blunder or an absurdity he has committed, than be debarred from talking of his own dear person.
Egoism	Egoist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. - (Birece's Dictionary)
Egotism	Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.
Einstien	Any man whose errors take ten years to correct is quite a man.
Elections	Mrs. Churchill: "Your election defeat may be a blessing in disguise." Winston: "At the moment, my dear, it's certainly very well disguised."
Electricity	Her own mother lived the latter years of her life in the horrible suspicion that electricity was dripping invisibly all over the house.
Emotion	The degree of one's emotions varies inversely with one's knowledge of the facts.
Emperors	As for the pyramids, there is nothing to wonder at in them so much as the fact that so many men could be found degraded enough to spend their lives constructing a tomb for some ambitious booby, whom it would have been wiser and manlier to have drowned in the Nile, and then given his body to the dogs.
Empire	Every single empire, in its official discourse, has said that it is not like all the others, that its circumstances are special, that it has a mission to enlighten, civilize, bring order and democracy, and that it uses force only as a last resort.
Encouragement	Repel them, repel them, make them relinquish the ball. - (Yale college cheer)
End of an era	I guess you know that Katie Couric is leaving NBC. Everybody is jumping ship. Today the NBC peacock announced it's leaving to do a show on Animal Planet.
Endurance	The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Enemies	You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.
Enemies	A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.
Enemies	There are more of them than us.
Enemies	We have met the enemy, and he is us. - (from "Pogo")
Enemies	Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Energy	Foreign officials are visiting the U.S. this week in an effort to learn how to reduce their dependence on Mideast oil. - (news report)
Engineers	Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. - (The Dilbert Principle)
England	To say the truth we are a declining people, destinated I fear for absolute destruction. We have had our day; it ended with Queen Anne.
England	The harlot's cry from street to street, Shall weave old england's winding-sheet.
England	What a pity it is that we have no amusements in england but vice and religion.
England	It is commonly observed, that when two Englishmen meet, their first talk is of the weather; they are in haste to tell each other, what each must already know, that it is hot or cold, bright or cloudy, windy or calm.
England	Curse the blasted jelly-boned swines, the slimy belly-wriggling invertebrates, the miserable sodding rotters, the flaming sods, the sniveling, dribbling, dithering, palsied pulseless lot that make up England today. They've got white of egg in their veins, and their spunk is that watery, it's a marvel they can breed . . . Why, why, why, was I born an Englishman!
England	The English think incompetence is the same thing as sincerity.
England	The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.
England	England has forty-two religions and only two sauces.
England	There is such a thing a too much couth. - (on England)
England	England is the most class-ridden country under the sun. It is a land of snobbery and privilege, ruled largely by the old and silly
England	In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say, "Stop, or I'll say stop again."
English	Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?
English	England and America are two countries separated by the same language.
Englishmen	In life, he suffered from a sense of unreality, as do many Englishmen.
Enimies	One should forgive one's enimies, but not before they are hanged.
Enimies	A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Enimies	Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Enthusiasm	If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.
Environment	I think the environment should be put in the category of our national security. Defense of our resources is just as important as defense abroad. Otherwise what is there to defend?
Environment	Water and air, the two essential fluids on which all life depends, have become global garbage cans.
Environment	Mining is like a search-and-destroy mission. - (former Secretary of the Interior)
Environment	At least the war on the environment is going well.
Environmental warfare	Always pull up survey stakes anywhere you find them. -- George Washington Hayduke of The Monkey Wrench Gang
Environmentalism	Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway. - (member of a pesticide review board on chlordane)
Environmentalism	We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need? - (Chrysler Corp. chairman)
Environmentalism	The most common form of terrorism in the U.S.A. is that carried on by bulldozers and chain saws.
Epigrams	If with the literate, I am / Impelled to try an epigram, / I never seek to take the credit, / We all assume that Oscar said it.
Epigrams	You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.
Epitaph	I'd rather have my epitaph read: "There's been a terrible mistake" rather than "Here lies one."
Equality	That all men are created equal is a proposition to which, at ordinary times, no sane individual has ever given his assent.
Equality	Equality may perhaps be a right, but no power on earth can ever turn it in to a fact.
Equality	All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.
Equality	I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.
Equality	When everyone is somebody, then no one's anybody.
Equality	We know that people are stupid, and hope that we are intelligent individuals, and yet we cling to the idea of equality.
Equality	To live anywhere in the world today and be against equality because of race or color is like living in Alaska and being against snow.
Errata	We apologise for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce. - (British newspaper)
Errors	To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Eternity	Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke.
Eternity	Eternity's a terrible thought. I mean, where's it all going to end?
Ethics	If he does really think there is no distinction between virtue and vice, why, Sir, when he leaves our houses, let us count our spoons.
Ethics	Grub first, then ethics
Ethics	I am partial to no vested interests. Give me lingeried interests every time.
Europe	The worst thing about Europe is that you can't go out in the middle of the night and get a Slurpee.
Europe	What is Europe? A rubble heap, a charnel house, a breeding ground for pestilence and hate.
Evening	I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Everyday life	Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
Evidence	Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk.
Evil	Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried.
Evil	When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Evil	No man is justified in doing evil on the ground of expediency.
Evil	Remember, the lesser of two evils is still evil.
Evil	There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.
Evolution	It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
Example	If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
Excercise	The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.
Excess	You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.
Excess	Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
Excess	The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. - ('Proverbs of Hell')
excess	A billion hours ago, human life first appeared on earth. A billion minutes ago, Christianity emerged. A billion Coca-Colas ago was yesterday morning.
Excuses	The latest computer virus is no excuse for late homework - unless you have a note from your doctor.
Executives	An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides.
Exercise	Exercise: A hateful tax levied upon commodities, and adjudged not by the common judges of property, but wretches hired by those to whom excise is paid.
Exercise	I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Exercise	Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don't need it; if you are sick , you shouldn't take it.
Exercise	I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
Exercise	My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Exercise	I don't exercise. If God meant us to touch our toes, He would have put them higher on our bodies.
Exercise	It is well documented that for every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life. This means that when you're 85 you can spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
Exhilaration	There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result.
Existance	What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
Expectations	I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine.
Experience	We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
Experience	Experience is the name that everyone gives to their mistakes.
Experience	Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
Experience	Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Experience	If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
Experience	A sympathetic Scot summed it all up very neatly in the remark, "You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk dancing."
Experience	Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, and the lesson afterwards.
Expertise	I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Expertise	Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish a reputation as an expert.
Expertise	For every expert, there is an equal and opposite expert.
Experts	An expert is a person who avoids small error as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
Experts	An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.
Explainations	Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
extinction	It's an unnerving thought that we humans may be the living universe's supreme achievement and its worst nightmare simultaneously.
Fact	There is a kind of poetry in simple fact.
Faction	Faction seldom leaves a man honest, however it might find him.
Facts	Facts are stupid things.
Facts	Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Facts	If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. - ((Attributed))
Facts	Where facts are few, experts are many.
Facts	Interesting if true - (CEO - Harper & Row)
Failure	I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Failure	No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
Failure	If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
Failure	I never blame failure-there are too many complicated situations in life-but I am absolutely merciless towards lack of effort.
Failure	The most spectacular failures in the world are intelligent people that don't have the stomach to be heartlessly vicious.
Failure	There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought.
Fairness	If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Faith	A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.
Faith	Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
Faith	Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parellel.
Faith	Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power.
Faith	There are those who scoff at the school boy, calling him frivolous and shallow. Yet it was the school boy who said, "Faith is believing what you know ain't so." - (American author & humorist)
Faith	Faith is a cop-out. If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can't be taken on its own merits.
Faith	Definition of Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
Faith	God is by definition the holder of all possible knowledge, it would be impossible for him to have faith in anything. Faith, then, is built upon ignorance and hope. - (television personality)
Fakes	If you can fake it, it's the real deal.
Falwell's drivel	Textbooks are Soviet propaganda.
Fame	Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.
Fame	No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.
Fame	You're not a star until they can spell your name in Karachi.
Fame	In the future, everyone will be world-famous for fifteen minutes.
Family	He that hath no fools, knaves, nor beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightening.
Family	Thousands and tens of thousands flourish in youth and wither in age, without the knowledge of any other than domestic evils, and share the same pleasures and vexations, whether their kings are mild or cruel, and whether the armies of their country pursue their enemies or retreat before them.
Family	Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us that a cage is natural to a cockatoo.
Family	Having a family is liking having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
Family	A married man with a family will do anything for money.
Family	A family is but too often a commonwealth of malignants.
Family	The family is the ultimate American fascism.
Family	The family is a court of justice which never shuts down for night or day.
Family	My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a- bitch.
Family	Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Family	You can change your Levis but not your genes.
Family court	I eat bullies for breakfast.
Famous last words	No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris. No known motor can run at the requisite speed for four days without stopping.
fanaticism	The downright fanatic is nearer to the heart of things than the cool and slippery disputant. - (Universalist minister)
Fanatics	The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Fanatics	A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
Fans	An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
Farmers	To glitch is mechanical, but to really screw things up requires an uneducated farmer.
Farms	A farm is an irregular patch of nettles bounded by short-term notes, containing a fool and his wife who didn't know enough to stay in the city.
Fashion	Fashions are the only induced epidemics, proving that epidemics can be induced by tradesman.
Fashion	Never despise fashion. It's what we have instead of God.
Fashion	Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Fashion	Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other.
Fashion	Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
Fatalism	Interviewer: Why, you're a fatalist! Berra: You mean I save postage stamps? Not me.
Fate	This is the grave of Mike O'Day / Who died maintaining his right of way. / His right was clear, his will was strong, / But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong. - (on a gravestone)
Fatherhood	It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.
fatherhood	A father is a person who has photos where his money used to be.
Fathers	The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.
Fats	Long John Silvers announced today that it was removing trans fat from its food -- replacing it with Mobil #10.
Fault	Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
Faults	The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders.
Faults	We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones.
Faults	If we had no faults of our own, we would not take so much pleasure in noticing those of others.
faults	Love your enemies, for they tell you your faults.
Favoritism	Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
FDA	The FDA bans anything that's non-toxic, innovative and doesn't come from the pharmaceutical industry. - (M.D.)
Fear	The people I am most afraid of are those who are the most afraid.
Fear	Some people are afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.
Fear	For the most part, fear is nothing but an illusion. When you share it with someone else, it tends to disappear.
Fear of flying	It's better to be on the ground wishing you were flying on a plane than to be on a plane wishing you were on the ground.
Fellowship	I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them.
Feminism	I don't understand guys who call themselves feminists. That's like the time Hubert Humphrey, running for President, told a black audience he was a soul brother.
Feminism	Adams rib and satans fib ended up in womens lib.
Fiction	The words 'figure' and 'fictitious' both derive from the same Latin root 'fingere'. Beware!
Fiction	The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Fiction	This book, though fictional in form, is based strictly on historical fact. Everything in it is real or actually happened. And it all began just one year from today. - (– preface to The Monkey Wrench Gang)
Fighting	Never fight an inanimate object.
Fighting	There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people.
Film	If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job.
Finance	Finance is the art of passing currency from hand to hand until it finally diappears.
Finance	Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears.
Fishing	Fishing , with me, has always been an excuse to drink in the daytime.
Fishing	Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old cloths.
Fishing	There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Flattery	I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your effort to believe it.
Flattery	It is possible to be below flattery as well as above it.
Flattery	You can flatter any man by telling him he's the kind of man who can't be flattered.
Flattery	A flatterer is a friend who is your inferior, or pretends to be so.
Fleas	So, naturalists observe, a flea Hath smaller fleas that on him prey; And these have smaller still to bite 'em; And so proceed ad infinitum.
Fleetingness	Fleetingness is here to stay.
Flies	Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Florida	Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
Florida	As a resident alien in the U.S. I wasn't allowed to vote, but since I was living in Florida it didn't seem to matter.
fluoridation	Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face. - (Character in Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb)
Flying	If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
Flying	If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport.
Flying	Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth!
Flying	The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
Flying	Flying is man's second greatest thrill. Landing is the first.
Foibles	The lesson of history is that we don't learn the lessons of history.
Foibles	Man only likes to count his troubles, but he does not count his joys.
Foibles	It's a great country: you can say whatever you like so long as it is strictly true -- nobody will take you seriously.
Folk music	All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song.
FOLLOWING TRENDS	"Going with the flow" often means going down the drain. - (Author "COMMENTS USA")
Folls	Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Food	If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
Food	If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Food	Cabbage: A... vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
Food	Mustard's no good without roast beef.
Food	Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Food	[Piozzi] asked him, if he ever huffed his wife about his dinner? 'So often (replied he), that at last she called to me, and said, Nay, hold Mr. Johnson, and do not make a farce of thanking God for a dinner which in a few moments you will protest not eatable.
Food	A man seldom thinks with more earnestness of any thing than he does of his dinner; and if he cannot get that well dressed, he should be suspected of inaccuracy in other things.
Food	This was a good dinner enough, to be sure: but it was not a dinner to ask a man to.
Food	Some people have a foolish way of not minding, or pretending not to mind, what they eat. For my part, I mind my belly very studiously, and very carefully; for I look upon it, that he who does not mind his belly, will hardly mind anything else.
Food	A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing.
Food	Oats: A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people.
Food	Favorite animal -- steak.
Food	Scrambled eggs should never be assembled in vat-sized proportions.
Food	You better cut the pizza in four pieces, 'cause I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
Food	My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Food	Never eat more than you can lift.
Food	I no longer prepare food or drink with more than one ingredient.
Food	The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
Food	Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Food	Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250
Food	Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.
Food	Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.
Food	Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
Food	Preach not to others what they should eat, but eat as becomes you, and be silent.
Food	Anything you have to acquire a taste for was not meant to be eaten.
Food	I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
Food	Our relationship with food in large part defines us – or at least it defines our large parts.
Fool	You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.
Foolishness	He who hesitates is a damned fool.
Fools	Fools rush in where fools have been before.
Fools	A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.
Fools	Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Fools	Barnum was wrong - it's more like every 30 seconds.
Fools	He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
Fools	There are more fools in the world than there are people.
Fools	The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool.
Fools	Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
Fools	Only fools are positive.
Fools	'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Fools	There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good." And one says, "This is new, and therefore better." - (Science Fiction Author)
Fools	A fool and his money have only a dot in common.
Football	College football would be more interesting if the faculty played instead of the students -- there would be a great increase in broken arms, legs and necks.
Football	Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.
Football	I'm not allowed to comment on lousy no-good officiating.
Football	Football is a game for trained apes. That, in fact, is what most of the players are -- retarded gorillas wearing helmets and uniforms. The only thing more debased is the surrounding mob of drunken monkeys howling the gorillas on.
Force	The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations.
Foreign Affairs	This is the devilish thing about foreign affairs: they are foreign and will not always conform to our whim.
Foreigners	Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.
Forest	God has cared for these trees, saved them from drought, disease, avalanches, and a thousand tempests and floods. But he cannot save them from fools. - (Yosemite naturalist)
Forgiveness	It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.
Forgiveness	The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Forgiveness	To err is human; to forgive, infrequent.
Forgiveness	Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury.
forgiveness	A winner rebukes and forgives; a loser is too timid to rebuke and too petty to forgive. - (Chicago Sun-Times columnist)
forgiveness	'Tis more noble to forgive, and more manly to despise, than to revenge an injury.
Fortune	Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Fortune	A great fortune is a great slavery.
Fortune Tellers	I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her.
Fortune Telling	Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Foundation	To make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
France	Germans with good food. - (on France)
France	They aren't much at fighting wars anymore. Despite their reputation for fashion, their women have spindly legs. Their music is sappy. But they do know how to whip up a plate of grub. - (on France)
France	The French probably invented the very notion of discretion. It's not that they feel that whay you don't know won't hurt you; they feel that what you don't know won't hurt them. To the French lying is simiply talking.
France	Frenchmen are like gunpowder, each by itself smutty and comtempible, but mass them together and they are terrible indeed!
France	In England, any man who wears a sword and a powdered wig is ashamed to be illiterate. I believe it is not so in France.
France	They have few sentiments, but they express them neatly; they have little meat, too, but they dress it well.
France	I would have loved it -- without the French.
France	What I gained by being in France was learning to be better satisfied with my own country.
France	France is the only country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.
France	A relatively small and eternally quarrelsome country in Western Europe, fountainhead of rationalist political manias, military impotent, historically inglorious during the past century, democratically bankrupt, Communist-infiltrated from top to bottom. - (on France)
France	In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.
France	How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?
France	France is the only country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper. - (Director, writer and producer)
FRANCE	EVERY MAN HAS TWO COUNTRIES - THE ONE OF HIS BIRTH AND FRANCE - (AUTHOR & ESSAYIST)
Free Enterprise	At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
Free love	Free love is priced right.
Free market	A purely free market is like a free fox in a free henhouse. - (Chairman of Renault)
Free world	The free world must not prove itself worthy of its own past.
Freedom	All theory is against the freedom of the will; all experience for it.
Freedom	Sir, we know our will is free, and there's an end on it.
Freedom	Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
Freedom	Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting.
Freedom	When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
Freedom	People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Freedom	The clash of ideas is the sound of freedom.
Freedom	People who are willing to give up freedom for the sake of short term security, deserve neither freedom nor security.
Freedom	The clash of ideas is the sound of freedom. - (American First Lady)
Freedom	The fetters imposed on liberty at home have ever been forged out of the weapons provided for defence against real, pretended, or imaginary dangers from abroad. - (4th US president)
Freedom	Put a man in a palace, and convince him he is a prisoner; he will do anything to escape. Put a man in a dark cell, convince him is the lord of that space, and he will stay there content.
Freedom	The most certain test by which we judge whether a country is really free is the amount of security enjoyed by minorities.
Freedom	The freedom of all is essential to my freedom.
Freedom	We who officially value freedom of speech above life itself seem to have nothing to talk about but the weather.
Freedom	People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. - (Danish philosopher and theologian)
Freedom	Freedom is not just a political issue; it's a religious issue too. - (Rabbi)
Freedom	The ignorant of the world enjoy one kind of freedom that the rest don’t; the freedom from doubt. - (Author "Comments USA")
freedom of speech	I agree with everything you say, but I would attack to the death your right to say it.
FREEDOM'S PARADOX	Paradoxically, true freedom is acquired by first placing reins on ourselves. - (Author Comments USA)
Freedoms	It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.
Freeedom	A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular.
French	Bloody French!
Friends	I put it down as a fact that if all men knew what each said of the other, there would not be four friends left in the world.
Friends	Friendship is a very taxing and arduous form of leisure activity.
Friends	Friendship is a common belief in the same fallacies, mountebanks and hobgoblins.
Friends	We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them.
Friends	A friend who is very near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative.
Friends	The one thing your friends will never forgive you is your happiness.
Friends	Everytime a friend succeeds, I die a little.
Friends	It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you; the one to slander you, and the other to bring the news to you.
Friends	May God defend me from my friends, I can defend myself from my enimies.
Friends	He hasn't an enemy in the world - but all his friends hate him.
Friends	The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist.
Friends	A true friend stabs you in the front.
Friends	If you loan a friend $100 and never see him again, it was probably money well-spent. - (Quoted by NBA Hall-of-Famer Rick Barry)
Friendship	A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.
Friendship	Interiorly, most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
Friendship	You can always tell a real friend; when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you’ve done a permanent job.
Fun	The prospect of a long day at the beach makes me panic. There is no harder work I can think of than taking myself off to somewhere pleasant, where I am forced to stay for hours and 'have fun'.
Fun	Having fun should be taken seriously.
Fundamentalism	A knowledge of the true age of the earth and of the fossil record makes it impossible for any balanced intellect to believe in the literal truth of every part of the Bible in the way that fundamentalists do. And if some of the Bible is manifestly wrong, why should any of the rest of it be accepted automatically?
funeral business	Euphemisms such as "slumber room" abound in the funeral business.
Funerals	What bereaved people need is a little comic relief, and this is why funerals are so farcical.
Funerals	I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Funerals	Gracious dying is a huge, macabre and expensive joke on the American public.
Funerals	O death where is thy sting? O grave where is thy victory? Where, indeed? Many a badly stung survivor, faced with the aftermath of some relative's funeral, has ruefully conceded that the victory has been won hands down by the funeral establishment.
Funerals	In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic; in the country it is a form of entertainment.
Fur	People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Future	The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive.
Future	If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stomping on a human face -- forever.
Future	I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
Future	The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Future	The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.
Future	The future is much like the present, only longer.
Future	If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going.
Future	The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Future	It is the business of the future to be dangerous.
Future	Children are messages to a time we will never see.
Future	We cannot remain indifferent. Each of us has to think about the future of the world.
Gadgets	I got so frustrated with the infernal contraption that I traded it for a dog, and shot the dog.
Gambling	Gambling promises the poor what property performs for the rich; that is why the bishops dare not denounce it fundamentally.
Gambling	The reason God considers gambling to be a sin is becuase he rarely ever gets his cut of the action.
Gambling	Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
Gardening	I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
Gardening	Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $371.49 each.
Gender Fluidity	According to science, gender fluidity, if it's hot enough, can transform into a gender gas!
general	I feel more like I did when I got here than I do now.
Generalizations	All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.
Generalizations	All general statements are false.
Generations	Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it.
Generosity	I once knew a lady lend the key of her library to a poor scribbling dependent, as if she took the woman for an ostrich that could digest iron.
Generosity	We get to make a living; we give to make a life.
Genius	There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Genius	When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign; that all the dunces are in confederacy against him.
Genius	Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.
Genius	Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction.
Genius	But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
Genius	The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.
Genius	A genius is one who can do anything except make a living.
Genius	Every man of genius is considerably helped by being dead.
Genocide	Except for the scale of the operation, there was nothing unusual about Hitler's massacre of the Jews. Genocide's an old tradition, as human as mother love or cherry pie.
Gentlemen	A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.
Gentlemen	I am a gentleman, I live by robbing the poor.
Geography	It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago...
George W. Bush	Bush says he prays. But I think God covers up his ears when George Bush prays. - ((1980 Nobel Peace Prize))
George W. Bush	Coherent speech is not one of George W. Bush's gifts. - (Washington Post columnist)
George W. Bush	The Bush legacy: Leave no child a dime.
George W. Bush	Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!
George W. Bush	He's used to ducking. - (after a Baghdad news conference where an Iraqi newsman threw his shoes at Bush)
Germans	Everything that is ponderous, Vicious and pompously clumsy, all long-winded and wearying kinds of style, are developed in great variety amoung Germans.
Germans	German; a good fellow maybe; but it is better hang him.
Germany	Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.
GETTING THE WORD AROUND	Secrets should be regarded as what we tell others when we want something to be widely known. - (Author )
Gibberish	The loss of life will be irreplaceable.
Gibberish	There are some concern about overstating a numbers, you know, invest in my company because the sky's the limit. We may not be cash flowing much, but the sky's the limit.
Gibberish	I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period.
Gibberish	The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.
Gibberish	You're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense. I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist.
Gibberish	What is a definition of "infinity" that everyone understands? It's the number of different ways George W. Bush pronounces "Abu Graib."
Gibberish	Presbyterians are the spirit of the Antichrist. - (Evangelist)
Gibberish	Our culture is superior. Our culture is superior because our religion is Christianity and that is the truth that makes men free.
Gibberish	The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true. - (film with Danny Kaye)
Gibberish	Hawkins: Oh, it's very simple, sire. When the Douge did his duty and the Duke didn't, that's when the Duchess did the dirt to the Duke with the Douge. King Roderick: Who did what to what? Hawkins: Oh, they all did, sire. There they were in the dark; the Duke with his dagger, the Douge with his dart, Duchess with her dirk. King Roderick: Duchess with her dirk? Hawkins: Yes! The Duchess dove at the Duke just when the Duke dove at the Douge. Now the Duke ducked, the Douge dodged, and the Duchess didn't. So the Duke got the Duchess, the Duchess got the Douge, and the Douge got the Duke! - (1955 film with Danny Kaye)
Gifts	My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
Gifts	When someone says: It’s not the gift. It’s the thought that counts.” next time just see what happens when you send just a thought. - (Author "Comments USA")
Give it a try	Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. - (comedian)
Glamor	Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Global warming	I believe that global warming is a myth. And so, therefore, I have no conscience problems at all and I’m going to buy a Suburban next time. - (Evangelist)
Global warming	It is God's planet -- and he's taking care of it. And I don't believe that anything we do will raise or lower the temperature one point. - (Evangelist)
Global warming	The whole global warming thing is created to destroy America's free enterprise system and our economic stability. - (Evangelist)
global warming	Scientists say we have five years to reverse global warming, or face serious consequences -- like maybe another Al Gore movie.
God	The gods too are fond of a joke.
God	I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
God	How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
God	It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us.
God	God is not dead but alive and well and working on a much less ambitious project.
God	He seems to have an inordinate fondess for beetles. - (about God)
God	I do not believe in God, I believe in cashmere.
God	Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable.
God	Creator: a comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.
God	God is love, but get it in writing.
God	It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person to reconcile himself to the idea that after all God will not help him.
God	For me the single work "God" suggests everything that is slippery, shady, sqalid, foul and grotesque.
God	i cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time.
God	God, that dumping ground of our dreams.
God	Which is it; is man one of God's blunders, or is God on of man's blunders?
God	Beware of the man whose God is in the skies.
God	There are scores of thousands of human insects who are ready at a moment's notice to reveal the Will of God on every possible subject.
God	The only excuse for God is that he dosn't exist.
God	If God were suddenly condemned to live the life which he has inflicted upon men, He would kill himself.
God	If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.
God	If God did not exist, it would be neccessary to invent Him.
God	God is the immemorial refuge of the incompetent, the helpless, the misrable. They find not oly sanctuary in His arms, but also a kind of superiority, soothing to their macerated ego's; He will set them above their betters.
God	What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive?
God	If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
God	If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
God	Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish
God	To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
God	God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
God	If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
God	There is no god, and Murphy is his prophet.
God	Never knock on Death's door: ring the bell and run away! Death really hates that!
God	I could prove God statistically.
God	I'm still an atheist, thank God.
God	I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.
God	I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world.
God	I sometimes think that God, in creating man, overestimated His ability.
God	Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat.
God	If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.
God	They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse.
God	God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
God	God help those who do not help themselves.
God	As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
God	God is too big to fit into one religion.
God	God shrinks as the universe expands.
God	Satan has been the best friend the church has ever had, as he has kept it in business all these years!
God	Woman was God's second mistake.
God	If god really is an old Jewish fart is the sky, it explains a whole lot.
God	God's plan made a hopeful beginning. But man spoiled his chances by sinning. We trust that the story will end in God's glory. But, at present, the other side's winning.
God	God is a concept by which we measure our pain.
God	Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds - (German-born American physicist)
God	God may be a cry in the street. - (Author)
God	If God chooses every nation's leaders, that is not because He believes they can do the job. That gesture shows that He has a great sense of humor.
God	Call it Nature, Fate, Fortune; all these are names of the one and selfsame God. - (Roman philosopher)
God	There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, in the end, 'Thy will be done.' - (From "The Great Divorce")
God	If God created Man in his image, then he shouldn't have used such shoddy workmanship.
God	If God was proven to exist beyond a shadow of a doubt, I would not pray to Him...I would curse Him.
God	If God plays dice with the universe, who's the house?
Gold	O Gold! I still prefer thee unto paper, Which makes bank credit like a bark of vapour.
Golf	I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
Golf	A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood.
Golf	If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in the United States.
Golf	Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Golf	The game of golf prepares you for the frustrations of marriage and fatherhood.
Golf	Continuing to play golf is like a second marriage, a triumph of hope over experience.
Golf	Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Golf	If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
Golf	My handicap? Woods and irons.
Good	When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.
Good Deeds	A good deed never goes unpunished.
good riddance	I still miss my ex-husband; but my aim is improving.
Goodness	No good deed goes unpunished.
Goodness	On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time.
Goodness	The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've go to be good.
Goodness	The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Gossip	If you don't have anytyhing good to say about anybody, come sit by me.
Gossip	The only thing worse than peple talking about you is people not talking about you
Government	I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.
Government	You will find that the State is the kind of organization which, though it does big things badly, does small things badly, too.
Government	There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Government	Government, even in its best state is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, and intolerable one.
Government	In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one class of the citizens to give to the other.
Government	Every government is run by liars and nothing they say sould be believed.
Government	Society is produced by our wants and government by our wickedness.
Government	I would not give half a guinea to live under one form of Government rather than another. It is of no moment to the happiness of an individual. Sir, the danger of the abuse of power is nothing to a private man.
Government	How small, of all that human hearts endure, that part which kings or laws can cause or cure.
Government	Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too.
Government	I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to promote peace than our governments. Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it.
Government	There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government.
Government	For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
Government	It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Government	The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
Government	A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.
Government	Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
Government	Washington is the only place where sound travels faster than light.
Government	I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time.
Government	Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself.
Government	I assume that a "Do not file" document can only be filed in a "Do not file" file.
Government	The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent vice of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.
Government	The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away.
Government	Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. - (Remarks to the White House Conference on Small Business, August 15, 1986)
Government	Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
Government	No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
Government	Democracy is the most equitable form of government because, in it, greed and corruption are most widely spread.
Government	It is a noble purpose of government to provide jobs for those of us who are otherwise unemployable.
Government	There is a dramatic difference between what American citizens believe and want, and what our government is doing.
Government	Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
Government	Whenever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship.
Government	The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
Government	In the Soviet Union, government controls industry. In the United States, industry controls government. That is the principal structural difference between the two great oligarchies of our time.
Government	The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.
Government	If you want government to intervene domestically, you're a liberal. If you want government to intervene overseas, you're a conservative. If you want government to intervene everywhere, you're a moderate. If you don't want government to intervene anywhere, you're an extremist.
Government	All governments require enemy governments.
Government	How does it become a man to behave toward this American government today? I answer that he cannot without disgrace be associated with it.
Government	The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
Government	Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are wise enough to rule themselves, even fewer are wise enough to rule others.
Government	A society without an organized government would be at the mercy of the first criminal who came along and who would precipitate it into the chaos of gang warfare.
Government	If the machine of government is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then, I say, break the law.
GOVERNMENT	It is rather amazing that those who believe that magic is a fake believe that government isn’t. - (Author "Comments USA")
Government waste	I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, "If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government Pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference."
Grammar	From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is a rule up with which I shall not put.
Grammar	Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
Grammar	No man forgets his original trade: the rights of nations and of kings sink into questions of grammar, if grammarians discuss them.
Grammar	Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very;" your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Grammar	Lack of proper response by officials on 9-11 may have cost unnecessary lives. - (Matt's grammar lesson?)
Grandchildren	Grandson: "Grandpapa, is it true that you are the greatest man in the world?" Churchill: "Yes. Now bugger off."
Grandparents	The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
Granted	Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.
GRATEFULNESS	It is easy to be grateful for all of the positive things that happen in life but few of us take notice of the even greater number of negative things that never found us. - (Author )
Gratification	Instant gratification takes too long.
Gratitiude	Gratitude is merely the secret hope of further favors.
Gratitude	I feel a very unusual sensation -- if it is not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude.
Gratitude	I want to thank all those who made this night necessary.
Gratitude	Maybe the only thing worse than having to give gratitude constantly is having to accept it.
Grave	Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.
Gravity	The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
Greatness	Great minds may travel in the same direction, but weak ones travel in packs.
Greatness	I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered at the White House, with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone. - (welcoming Nobel Prize winners to the White House)
Greatness	Great nations write their autobiographies in three manuscripts -- the book of their deeds, the book of their words, and the book of their art.
Greed	Land and money — the two things that drive men mad.
Greed	Keep your eyes open, and guard against every sort of covetousness, because even when a person has an abundance, his life does not result from the things he possesses.
Grief	Grief is a species of idleness.
grin and bear it	Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth. - (French philosopher)
Gross	Police stopped a chauffered car and arrested a 78-year-old couple having sex in the back seat. Well, that's one way to get rid of that new-car smell, huh?
Growth	Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.
Guilt	Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving
Gun Control	Handguns should be banned. Most people are likely to miss.
Gun Control	Gun control pursuant to the Second Amendment is the possession of a firearm by someone who knows how to use it.
Guns	You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
Guns	Because we allow handguns, when you know someone in the crowd might be packing a rod, it can't help but rush your timing.
Habits	Small habits, well pursued betimes / May reach the dignity of crimes.
Habits	The fixity of a habit is generally in direct poportion to its absurdity.
Habits	The unfortunate thing about this world is that the good habits are so much easier to give up than the bad ones.
Hands	You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
Happiness	It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
Happiness	I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.
Happiness	Happiness is no laughing matter.
Happiness	Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
Happiness	It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis.
Happiness	Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.
Happiness	Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.
Happiness	Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another
Happiness	Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attibuted to children, and by children to adults.
Happiness	The only really happy folk are married women and single men.
Happiness	Every man is thouroughly happy twice in his life; just after he has met his first love, and just after he has left his last one.
Happiness	Few people can be happy unless they hate some other person, nation or creed.
Happiness	Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness.
Happiness	Happiness is the perpetual possesion of being well deceived.
Happiness	I can sympathize with people's pains, but not with their pleasure. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness
Happiness	It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only necessary to be rich.
Happiness	It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness. Poverty and wealth have both failed.
Happiness	A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.
Happiness	Positive pleasure is a mere idea. To be happy at any one point we must have suffered at the same. Never to suffer would have been never to have been blessed.
Happiness	Happiness is the only sanction of life; where happiness fails, existence remains a mad and lamentable experience.
Happiness	I've made an odd discovery. Every time I talk to a savant I feel quite sure that happiness is no longer a possibility. Yet when I talk with my gardener, I'm convinced of the opposite.
Happiness	MORE will not make you happy.
Hard Targets	The hardness is the target.
Hardship	When I hear somebody sigh that "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?" - (Journalist)
Harpsichord	The harpsichord? Two skeletons copulating on a corrugated tin roof.
Harvard	You can always tell a Harvard man, but you can't tell him much.
Haste	Don't lose your head / To gain a minute / You need your head / Your brains are in it
Hate	Men hate more steadily than they love; and if I have said something to hurt a man once, I shall not get the better of this by saying many things to please him.
Hate	It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not - (French writer, humanist & moralist)
Hate	I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that.
Hate	I listen to feminists and all these radical gals. These women just need a man in the house. That's all they need. Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home. And they blew it and they're mad at all men. Feminists hate men. They're sexist. They hate men; that's their problem.
Hatred	The more one is hated, I find, the happier on is.
Hatred	Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure; men love in haste, but the detest at leisure.
Hatred	It does not matter much what a man hates provided he hates something.
Hatred	Hatred: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.
Hatred	Hate -- we love it.
Hats	A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
Health	One of the most common of all diseases is diagnosis.
Health	Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond studded wheelchair
Health	Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Health	It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
Health	Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors.
Health	Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
Health	What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease.
Health	Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Health	Preserving health by too severe a rule is a worrisome malady.
Health	It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.
Health	The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
Health	The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
Health	At his wife's 60th birthday party in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, Dick Cheney had a huge steak and battered onion rings for dinner. Afterwards he met with 100 donors; not campaign donors, heart donors.
HEALTH	When someone gets diagnosed as having hypochondria, the first thing that they wonder about is whether or not it is fatal. - (Author Comments USA)
Health care	If you think health care is expensive now wait until you see what it costs when it's free.
Healthy diet	Holidays bring out the women who cook once a year. One by one they file in like gastronomic grim reapers bearing death in a casserole dish.
Heaven	Heaven, as conventionally conceived, is a place so inane, so dull, so useless, so miserable, that nobody has ever ventured to describe a whole day in heaven, though plenty of people have described a day at the seaside.
Heaven	If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have know will go to heaven, and very , very few persons.
Heaven	In heaven all the interesting people are missing.
Heaven	Men have feverishly conceived a heaven only to find it insipid, and a hell to find it ridiculous.
Hell	The road to hell is paved with good intentions
Hell	I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
Hell	Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
hell	Hell is other people
Hell	When I think of number of disagreeable people that I know who have gone to a better world, I am sure hell won't be bad at all.
Hell	The idea of Hell is based on the false assumption that there is a world worse than this one.
Hell	If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretenses. - (Evangelist)
Heroes	We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
Heros	Every hero becomes a bore at last.
Hesitation	He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
Hindsight	Hindsight is always twenty-twenty.
Historians	Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.
Historians	Historian; an unsuccessful novelist.
Historians	Any event, once it has occurred, can be made to appear inevitable by a competent historian.
History	Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
History	History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
History	History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
History	History is the short trudge from Adam to atom.
History	Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history.
History	History is more or less bunk.
History	History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
History	If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation.
History	Nothing is said that has not been said before.
History	Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter.
History	One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
History	History repeats itself; that's one of the things that's wrong with history.
History	We learn from history that we do not learn from history.
History	History informs us it is always different this time
History	Any event, once it has occurred, can be made to appear inevitable by a competent historian.
History	We owe to the middle ages the two worst inventions of humanity -- gunpowder and romantic love.
History	God in all of his omnipotence can't change the past. That's why he created historians.
History	An autopsy of history would show that all great nations commit suicide.
History	In analyzing history do not be too profound, for often the causes are quite superficial.
History	That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons of history.
History	We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre.
History	The only thing new in the world is the history we don't know.
History	Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
History	My forefathers didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they met the boat. - (part Cherokee)
History	History proves that the only thing that we have learned is that we haven't.
History	What we learn from history is that we never learn.
History	It must have been fun being the first humans, setting all those new world records every day.
Hitlerism	Many of those people involved with Adolf Hitler were Satanists, many of them were homosexuals -- the two things seem to go together.
HMOs	Dr. Jack Kevorkian doesn't do assisted suicides any more - too much competition from HMOs.
Hockey	Hockey is a sport in which millionaires on skates are paid to assault each other
Hogwash	The truth is, the local people are not entirely aware of their best interests.
Hollywood	I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
Hollywood	Hollywood is a place where they place you under contract instead of under observation.
Hollywood	Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
Hollywood	Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you 1,000 dollars for a kiss and 50 cents for your soul.
Hollywood	I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.
Home	Home is an invention on which no one has yet improved.
Homosexuality	Not only is homosexuality a sin, but anyone who supports fags is just as guilty as they are. You are both worthy of death.
Homosexuality	The first lesbian couple to be married under the liberalized marriage law in Massachussetts has split up, citing "irreconcilable similarities."
Honesty	Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance.
Honesty	I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Honesty	The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
Honesty	Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people
Honesty	Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
Honesty	It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Honesty	Honesty is the best image.
Honesty	No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Honesty	It is better to be quoteable than to be honest
Honesty	Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Honesty	Today I'm giving you two exams - one in calculus and the other in honesty. I hope you will pass both. But if you must fail one, let it be calculus. - (a college professor)
Honor	The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.
Honor	The instant that how you win becomes more important that simply winning, you are making a serious strategic mistake.
Honor	We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
Hope	Hope in reality is the worst of all evils, because it prolongs the torments of man.
Hope	Hope is a disease that grows more deadly with every new evil that enters the world.
Hope	"He who has never hoped can never despair."
Hope	Put Hope in one hand and take a crap in the other-tell me which one fills up first.
Hopeless	When the situation is hopeless, there's nothing to worry about. - (The Monkey Wrench Gang)
Horse	Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Horse Sense	Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Hospitals	A hospital is no place to be sick.
Hospitals	That should assure us of at least 45 minutes of undisturbed privacy. - (to a visitor in her hospital room, after pressing the NURSE button)
Hospitals	In U.S. hospitals alone, some fourteen thousand people a year die from infections they pick up there.
Housekeeping	I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
Housework	There's no real need to do housework - after four years it doesn't get any worse.
Housework	There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get any worse. - (British writer, actor and wit)
Hubris	Only the hubris of man could have allowed him to create God in his own image.
Hubris	Only the hubris of man allowed him to create God in his own image.
Human mind	Nothing has an uglier look to us than reason, when it is not on our side.
Human nature	One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
Human Nature	The greatest tragedies of life are those that got nothing that they wanted and those that got everything that they wanted. - (Author )
Human nature	Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right. - (explorer and writer)
Human race	Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Human race	Today, we are truly a global family. What happens in one part of the world may affect us all.
Human relations	If you treat people right they will treat you right - ninety percent of the time.
Human relations	In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Human relations	Nobody ever forgets where he buried a hatchet.
Human relations	The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
Human relations	Though force can protect in an emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace.
Human relations	If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have a paradise in a few years.
Human rights	In a country where there is no distinction of class, a child is not born to the station of its parents, but with an indefinite claim to all the prizes that can be won by thought and labor.
Humanities	The theoretical broadening which comes from having many humanities subjects on the campus is offset by the general dopiness of the people who study these things.
Humanities	Cultivate an Obligation to Evolution. - (Poet)
Humanity	There are time you have to choose between being human and having good taste.
Humanity	Humanity is a pigsty where liars, hypocrites and the obscene in spirit contregate.
Humanity	He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hope for the human condition is a fool.
Humanity	We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out, just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down with us trapped, locked in it.
Humanity	He who has never envied the vegetable has missed the human drama.
Humanity	The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore.
Humanity	The nature of men and women -- their essential nature -- is so vile and despicable that if you were to portray a person as he really is, no one would believe you.
Humanity	A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be led by the nose.
Humanity	It is easier to denature plutonium than to denature the evil spirit of man.
Humanity	It is human nature to think wisely and act foolishly.
Humanity	No doubt Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that is was human nature.
Humanity	If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign the human race.
Humanity	Don't over estimate the decency of the human race.
Humanity	The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.
Humanity	There are times when you have to choose between being human and having good taste.
Humanity	The beginnings and endings of all human undertakings are untidy - (author, Nobelist)
Humanity	Mankind is a habit God is trying to break
Humanity	The only thing that separates us from the animals is the belief that we are separate from the animals.
Humanity	We must talk about disease and hunger. As scary as terrorism is, there are far scarier threats to human security that receive only a fraction of the attention. - (President, Costa Rica)
Humanity	You cannot save people from themselves.
Humans	Human beings are seventy percent water, and with some the rest is collagen.
Humans	The biggest man ya ever gonna see, Was once a baby, In this life - (African Herbsman)
Humility	If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men.
Humility	I am no more humble than my talents require.
Humility	Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
Humility	Don't be so humble -- you are not that great. - (to a visiting diplomat)
Humility	Be silent as to services you have rendered, but speak of favours you have received.
Humiltiy	What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.
Humor	I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Humor	The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
Humor	In the end, everything is a gag.
Humor	Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.
Humor	One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
Humor	That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Humor	Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Humor	A pun is the lowest form of wit, It does not tax the brain a bit; One merely takes a word that's plain And picks one out that sounds the same.
Humor	Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.
humor	Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study Hard. Be evil.
humor	Never judge a good book by it's movie
humor	If first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you.
humor	You're unique...just like everybody else.
humor	Life's a bitch and seeing you, it looks like she just had babies.
humor	Person 1: I have an eyelash in my my eye Person 2: Better than a rock.
humor	I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
humor	I think I am; therefore I must be
humor	Snowmen are gifts from heaven; they just came assembly required.
Humor	Tradegy is when I cut my finger. comedy is when you fall down an open manhole cover and die.
Humor	Our last: / Farewell O verse / Along the road / How sad to see / You're out of mode
Humor	The salesman / Taught the / Farmer's daughter / To plant her tu-lips / Where she otter
Humor	If you must test / Her pucker paint / Be sure to drive / Where traffic ain't
Humor	A man who passes / On hills and curves / Is not a / Man of iron nerves / He's crazy!
Humor	Famous words / About lights that shine / If he won't dim his / I won't dim mine /
Humor	Don't take / A curve at / Sixty per / We hate to lose / A customer
Humor	If hugging on highways / Is your sport / Trade in your car / For a davenport
Humor	Car in ditch / Man in tree / Moon was full / So was he!
Humor	Snake rail fences / And old log houses / Both were built / To keep out / Cowses
Humor	You can drive / A mile a minute / But there is no / Future in it
Humor	They missed the turn / The car went whizzin' / The fault was hern / The funeral hisn
Humor	Angels who guard you / When you drive / Usually retire / At sixty-five
Humor	The car went whizzin' A nut at the wheel / A peach on his right / A curve in the road / Fruit salad that night
Humor	Dim your lights / Behind a car / Let folks see / How bright you are
Humor	If you don't know / Whose signs these are / You haven't driven / Very far!
Humor	Round the curve / Lickety-split / Beautiful car / Wasn't it?
Humor	Thirty days / Hath September / April, June, / And the Speed Offender
Humor	A Man, A Miss / A Car, A Curve / He kissed the Miss / And missed the Curve
Humor	Listen birds / These signs cost money / You can rest awhile / But don't get Funny
Humor	Don't stick your elbow / Out too far / Or it may / Go home / In another car!
Humor	The one who / Drives when / He's been drinking / Depends on you / To do his thinking
Humor	The midnight / Ride of Paul / For beer / Led to a warmer / Hemishpere
Humor	He lit a match / To check gas tank / That's why / They call him / Skinless frank
Humor	If daisies / Are your / Favorite flower / Keep pushin' up those / Miles-per-hour
Humor	Many a forest / Used to stand / Where a / Lighted match / Got out of hand
Humor	Don't leave safety / To mere chance / That's why / Belts are / Sold with pants
Humor	Don't / Try passing / On a slope / Unless you have / A periscope
Humor	Passing cars / When you can't see / May get you / A glimpse / Of eternity
Humor	Said farmer Brown / Who's bald / On top / Wish I could / Rotate the crop
Humor	Drinking drivers-- / Nothing worse / They put / The quart / Before the hearse
Humor	Does your husband / Misbehave / Grunt and grumble / Rant and rave? / Shoot the brute some
Humor	Take / Your / Time / Not / Your life
Humor	Cattle crossing / Means go slow / That old bull / Is some / Cow's beau
Humor	The blackened forest / Smoulders yet / Because / He flipped / A cigarette
Humor	The blackened forest / Smoulders yet / Because / He flipped / A cigarette
Humor	These signs / Are not / For laughs alone / The face they save / May be your own
Humor	The safest rule / No ifs or buts / Just drive / Like every one else / Is nuts!
Humor	Around / The curve / Lickety-split / It's a beautiful car / Wasn't it?
Humor	No matter / The price / No matter how new / The best safety device / In your car is you
Humor	It gave / McDonald / That needed charm / Hello Hollywood / Good-by farm
Humor	Why is it / When you / Try to pass / The guy in front / Goes twice as fast?
Humor	His rose / Is wed / His violet blew / But his sugar is sweet / Since he took this cue
Humor	Better try / Less speed per mile / That car / May have to / Last a while
Humor	Is he / Lonesome / Or just blind-- / This guy who drives / So close behind?
Humor	Heaven's / Latest / Neophyte / Signalled left / Then turned right
Humor	Drinking drivers / Don't you know / Great bangs / From little / Binges grow?
Humor	Substitutes / Can do / More harm / Than city fellers / On a farm
Humor	Proper / Distance / To him was bunk / They pulled him out / Of some guy's trunk
Humor	The band / For which / The grand stand roots / Is not made up of / Substi-toots!
Humor	Spring / Has sprung / The grass has riz / Where last year's / Careless drivers is
Humor	Cautious rider / To her / Reckless dear / Let's have less bull / And lots more steer
Humor	Altho insured / Remember, kiddo / They don't pay you / They pay / Your widow
Humor	Train approaching / Whistle squealing / Pause! / Avoid that / Rundown feeling!
Humor	Train wrecks few Reason clear / Fireman / Never hugs / Engineer
Humor	He tried / To cross / As fast train neared / Death didn't draft him / He volunteered
Humor	Her chariot / Raced 80 per / They hauled away / What had / Ben Her
Humor	Violets are blue / Roses are pink / On graves / Of those / Who drive and drink
Humor	A guy / Who drives / A car wide open / Is not thinkin' / He's just hopin'
Humor	Twinkle, twinkle / One-eyed car / We all wonder / WHERE you are
Humor	The place to pass / On curves / You know / Is only at / A beauty show
Humor	On curves ahead / Remember, sonny / That rabbit's foot / Didn't save / The bunny
Humor	The place to pass On curves You know Is only at A beauty show
Humor	OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Humor	The ultimate test of whether you posses a sense of humor is your reaction when someone tells you you don't.
Humor	When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.
Humor	An airline passenger died suddenly during the flight, so he was moved into an empty seat in first class. Well, a little late for an upgrade, wasn't it?
Humor	Dyslexics of the world, untie.
Humor	I don't have a photograph. I'd give you my footprints, but they're upstairs in my socks.
Humor	A good sense of humor is no laughing matter
Humor	A good sense of humor is no laughing matter.
Hunger	I've known what it is to be hungry, but I always went right to a restaurant.
Hunger	The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world.
Hunger	When there are starving people in the world, it seems wrong that so many of us Americans eat as much for entertainment as for nourishment.
Hunters	Whenever I see a photograph of some sportsman grinning over his kill, I am always impressed by the striking moral and aesthetic superiority of the dead animal to the live one.
Hunting	When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when a tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity.
Hunting	A sportsman is a man who, every now and then, simply has to go out and kill something.
Hunting	The English country gentleman galloping after a fox -- the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.
Hunting	The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
Hunting	One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I don't know.
Husbands	The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Husbands	Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.
Husbands	The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
Husbands	A women usually respects her father, but her view of her husband is mingled with contempt, for she is of course privy to the transparent devices by which she snared him.
Husbands	A husband is what is left of the lover once the nerve has been extracted.
Husbands	A women who takes her husband about with her everywhere is like a cat that goes on playing with a mouse long after she's killed it.
Hypocracy	If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
hypocrisy	Listen to hypocrites, they know what they're talking about.
Hypocrocy	No man is a hypocrite in his pleasures.
Hypocrocy	No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.
Icebergs	Not only is the iceberg that I came here to study larger than the iceberg that sank Titanic; not only is it larger than Titanic itself; it is larger than the country that built Titanic. - (Antarctic glaciologist)
Idealism	Idealism is the noble toga that political gentlemen drape over their will to power.
Idealism	Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality the cost becomes prohibitive.
Idealism	Idealism increases in direct proportion to one's distance from the problem.
Idealism	An idealist believes the short run doesn’t count. A cynic believes the long run doesn’t matter. A realist believes that what is done or left undone in the short run determines the long run.
Idealists	I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
Idealists	An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
Idealists	When they come down from their ivory towers, idealsts are apt to walk straight into the gutter
Idealists	The idealist is incorrigible -- if he is turned out of his heavan, he makes an ideal of his hell
Idealists	The idealist walks on his toes, the materialist on his talons.
Ideas	I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it.
Ideas	Man can only have a certian number of teeth, hairs, and ideas. There comes a time when he necessarily loses his teeth, his hair, and his ideas.
Ideas	Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle.
Ideas	To die for an idea is to set a rather high price on conjecture.
Ideas	To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true!
Ideas	We use ideas merely to justify our evil, and speech merely to conceal our ideas.
Ideas	The history of ideas is the history of the grudges of solitary men.
Ideas	Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.
Ideology	The problem with ideology is that people start killing for it.
Idiocy	He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
Idiocy	What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.
Idiocy	I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war, and I don't think any oil shipments will stop. - (of Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez)
Idiocy	According to the Washington Post, Dan Quayle thought Roe v. Wade were alternative ways to cross the Potomac.
Idiocy	President Bush promises to push for research into solar energy -- by ordering an invasion of the sun.
Idiocy	I think we ought to close Halloween down. Do you want your children to dress up as witches? The Druids used to dress up like this when they were doing human sacrifice. Your children are acting out Satanic rituals and participating in it, and don't even realize it. - (Evangelist)
Idiots	Mankind has consistently shown that nothing is idiot proof.
Idleness	I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
Idleness	It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.
Idleness	I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room.
Ignorance	I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.
Ignorance	Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
Ignorance	All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Ignorance	Since we didn't know what we couldn't do, anything was possible.
Ignorance	His ignorance is encyclopedic.
Ignorance	Ignorance is a voluntary misfortune.
ignorance	He was so learned that he could name a horse in nine languages; so ignorant that he bought a cow to ride on.
Ignorance	I don't even know what street Canada is on. - (gangster)
Illusion	What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
Illusion	Illusion is the first of all pleasures.
Image	General Motors announced that they are ending their endorsement deal with Tiger Woods. When asked why, a spokesperson for General Motors said, "Tiger Woods is successful, competitive, and popular. And that's just not us."
Imagination	Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Imagination	He is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts.
Imagination	You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Imitation	No man ever yet became great by imitation.
Imitation	Snowmen fall from the sky unassembled. Try not to imitate this when flying.
immigration	Hurricane Ernesto is gaining strength and is expected to strike the east coast in the next few days. Well, that's one way to guarantee that it gets into the U.S. -- give it a Spanish name.
Immigration	The government announced today that the nation's population officially passed 300 million. At the same time, the population of Mexico dropped to 38.
Immigration	The government announced today that the nation's population officially passed 300 million. At the same time, the population of Mexico dropped to 38.
Immigration	Let's ask the Native Americans about our immigration policies.
Immigration	The Chinese began the Wall nearly 3,000 years ago to keep out the thundering hordes from the north that threatened to kill them. Here, we're building a fence to keep out the hungry folks from the south that want to scrub our floors. - (Denver City Councilman At-Large)
immigration	Yesterday thousands of Mexicans gathered in Mexico City to protest high food prices. The protest only lasted an hour, because they all had to leave for their jobs in Los Angeles.
immigration	Ellis Island was reopened today, closed since 1954, the last time people entered this country legally.
Immorality	Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time.
Immortality	Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Immortality	If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
Immortality	The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever.
Immortality	I shall become immortal, even if it kills me!
Immortality	Immortality is the condition of a dead man who doesn't believe he is dead.
Immortality	Here halt, I pray you, make a little stay, O wayfarer, to read what I have writ, And know by my fate what thy fate shall be. What thou art now, wayfarer, world renowned, I was: what I am now, so shall thou be. The world's delight I followed with a heart Unsatisfied: ashes am I, and dust. - (his own epitaph)
Immortality	To himself everyone is immortal; he may know that he is going to die, but he can never know that he is dead. - (writer)
Imortality	The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever.
Impiety	Impiety: n. Your irreverence toward my diety.
Importance	In the end, the only people who claim something doesn't matter - be it intelligence, strength, good looks, money or anything else - are those that do not have it.
importance	No person is important enough to make me angry.
Impossibility	When someone tells you something defies description, you can be pretty sure he's going to have a go at it anyway.
Impossibility	It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
Impossibility	The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible.
Impossibility	Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
Impossible	Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Impossiblity	I have learned to use the word `impossible' with the greatest caution.
Inaccuracy	A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
Inaction	The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything.
Inadequacy	Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
Incarceration	A period of detention in a chilly upstate facility can be a great attitude adjuster.
Inclusiveness	The majority of church members are more self-satisfied, more committed to the status quo, and more exclusive of non-similar people than are most political officeholders I have known.
Incompetence	Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. - (The Peter Principle)
Incompetence	The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it.
Incontinence	In India an 88-year-old man has become a father. Well, how many soiled diapers is that family going to have?
Indecision	Decisiveness may be flexible – indecision, never.
India	In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
Indifference	Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
Indifference	The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.
Indolence	Indolence is a delightful but distressing state; we must be doing something to be happy.
Indolence	It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.
Indolence	If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Indoor climate	I came here for sinus trouble, and after two years of air conditioning, I got it. - (Arizona resident)
Inflation	One hundred dollars invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.
Inflation	Inflation is not caused by the actions of private citizens, but by the government: by an artificial expansion of the money supply required to support deficit spending. No private embezzlers or bank robbers in history have ever plundered people's savings on a scale comparable to the plunder perpetrated by the fiscal policies of statist governments.
Inflation	How can a cemetery raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living?
Influence	If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
Influence	You may not be able to change the world, but at least you can embarrass the guilty.
Influenza	World War I killed twenty-one million people in four years; swine flu did the same in its first four months. Almost 80 percent of American casualties in the First World War came not from enemy fire, but from flu. - (author of A Short History of Nearly Everything)
Information	My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.
Information	It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.
Information	Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.
Ingnorance	An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.
Ingnorance	The multitude of books is making us ignorant.
innovation	Sometimes the best, and only effective, way to kill an idea is to put it into practice. - (columnist)
Insanity	Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.
Insanity	I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Insanity	In a mad world only the mad are sane.
Insanity	When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.
Insanity	I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it. - (seen on a t-shirt)
Insanity	Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the results to be different.
Insanity	Both madmen and geniuses see something that no one else does. The difference, of course, is whether or not it's actually there.
Insanity	Insanity is endlessly repeating the same process and hoping for a different result. - (German-American physicist)
Insider	You can be a rank insider as well as a rank outsider.
Insult	A man should not insult his wife publicly at parties. He should insult her in the privacy of the home.
Insults	Sometimes I need what only you can provide - Your absence.
Insults	Johnson:'...She is like the Amazons of old; she must be courted by the sword. But I have not been severe to her.' Boswell: 'Yes, Sir, you have made her ridiculous.' Johnson: 'That was already done, Sir. To endeavour to make her ridiculous, is like blacking the chimney.'
Insults	He attacked Gray, calling him' a dull fellow.' Boswell: I understand he was reserved, and might appear dull in company; but surely he was not dull in poetry.' Johnson: 'Sir, he was dull in company, dull in his closet, dull everywhere. He was dull in a new way, and that made many people think him GREAT. He was a mechanical poet.'
Insults	Mrs. Montague, a lady distinguished for having written an Essay on Shakspeare, being mentioned; Reynolds: "I think that essay does her honour." Johnson: "Yes, Sir, it does her honour, but it would do nobody else honour. I have indeed, not read it all. But when I take up the end of a web, and find it packthread, I do not expect, by looking further, to find embroidery."
insults	A fly, Sir, may sting a stately horse, and make him wince; but one is still but an insect, and the other is a horse still.
Insults	I never watch the Dinah Shore show -- I'm a diabetic.
Insults	He writes his plays for the ages -- the ages between five and twelve
Insults	Mr Shaw is (I suspect) the only man on earth who has never written any poetry.
Insults	It is his life work to announce the obvious in terms of the scandalous.
Insults	Bernard Shaw has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his freinds.
Insults	He became mellow before he became ripe.
Insults	He festooned the dung heap on which he had placed himself with sonnets as people grow honeysuckle around outdoor privies.
Insults	One must have a heart of stone to read the death of Little Nell by Dickens without laughing.
Insults	Mr. Henry James writes fiction as if it were a painful duty.
Insults	He had one of the more wicked minds ever going.
Insults	A day away from Tallulah is like a month in the country.
Insults	Mr. Attlee is a very modest man. But then he has much to be modest about
Insults	He is a sheep in sheep's clothing
Insults	He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.
Insults	I dote on his very absence.
Insults	I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Insults	Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.
Insults	I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away. - (to an obnoxious acquaintance.)
insults	Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
Insults	No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's a dirty little beast.
Insults	If there is anyone here whom I have not insulted, I beg his pardon.
Insurance	I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.
Insutls	She doesn't need a steak knife. Rona cuts her food with her tongue. - (on Rona Barrett)
Insutls	It had only one fault. It was kind of lousy.
Intelect	There is no intellectual exercise which is not ultimately useless.
Intellect	"Excuse me, but were you born that STUPID, or is it an acquired talent in your case"? - (This should be directed to someone who has just done something which was incredibly stupid. or thoughtless.)
Intellectual deficiency.	"If rat turds were brain cells, you would be a F_____g genius". - (Again, to be quoted to anyone who says or does something incredibly stupid.)
Intellectuals	An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Intelligence	It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
Intelligence	The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.
Intelligence	There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence.
Intelligence	In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
intelligence	In the absence of intelligence politics will fill the void
Intelligence	Polysyllablic words are not a sign of intelligence.
Intelligence	If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
Intelligence	Between the two of them, I don't think they can put together a 3-digit I.Q. - (about defendants in her courtroom)
Intelligence Tests	An intelligence test measures one's ability to get out of having to take it.
Intent	In the long run, men only hit what they aim at.
Internet	My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them.
Internet	We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards coud produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.
internet	questions at curmudgeon-online dot net This is what your contact us address is and it doesn't work even when translated into questions@curmudgeon-online.net - (anonymous)
Internet	Just kidding – actually I *am* a robot.
interrupting	The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
Intimidation	You're not playing with a full deck. You're one can short of a 6-pack. - (to a defendant)
Intolerance	Intolerance is the most socially acceptable form of egotism, for it permits us to assume superiority without personal boasting.
Intolerance & stupidity	If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it's good enough for Texans. - (Governor of Texas 1925–1927, brandishing a Bible, responding to the question of using Spanish to teach in public schools having a large number of Mexican immigrant children)
Invention	Getting caught is the mother of invention.
Invention	To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
Inventions	Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Investing	Keep in mind that risk and reward go hand in hand; however, risk tends to walk a lot faster. - (Author "Comments USA")
Invitation	Meet me at my house Sunday before the game.
Invitations	I must decline your invitation due to a subsequent engagement.
Iraq	We should change our attitude toward the United Nations. There has to be some power in the world superior to our own. We should not have attacked Iraq without the okay of the United Nations. Now we have to live with that mistake. We're living with it, and too many of our guys are dying with it.
Iraq War	War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized that spells "OIL."
Iraq War	The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up.
Ireland	The Irish are a fair people; -- they never speak well of one another.
Ireland	Ireland has the honor of being the only country which never persecuted the Jews -- because they never let them in.
Ireland	I showed my appreciation of my native land in the usual Irish way by getting out of it as soon as I possibly could.
ironic	I once played a game with myself...and lost track of who'd won.
Irony	Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three-year waiting list.
Irritation	Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.
It's All Good	It's all good, where 'it' ∈ {N | N = nonlethal}.
Jamaica	Of a Jamaica gentleman, then lately dead -- 'He will not, whither he is now gone (said Johnson), find much difference, I believe, either in the climate or the company.'
Jesus	Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side.
Jews	If my theory of relativity is proven successful, Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare that I am a citizen of the world. Should my theory prove untrue, France will say that I am a German, and Germany will declare that I am a Jew.
Jews	The Jews are a frightened people. Nineteen centuries of Christian love have broken down thier nerves.
Jews	What one Christian does is his own responsibility; what one Jew does is thrown back at all Jews.
Jobs	All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.
Johnson	Dr. Samuel Johnson said a lot without saying anything.
Jokes	I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Jokes	Living in a vacuum sucks.
Jokes	A joke is a very serious thing.
Journalism	Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.
Journalism	The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read.
Journalism	Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.
Journalism	Journalism justifies its own existance by the great Darwinian principle of the the survival of the vulgarist.
Journalism	There is much to be said in favor of modern jounalism. By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.
Journalism	Journalism is the ability to meet the challenge of filling space.
Journalists	Newspapermen learn to call a murderer 'an alleged murderer' and the King of England 'the alleged King of England' to avoid libel suits.
Journalists	Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Journalists	I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
Joy	Joy is not in things; it is in us. - (German composer)
Judgement	Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.
Judges	A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
Judgment	I have made good judgments in the Past. I have made good judgments in the Future.
Judgment	Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Judgment	Everyone complains of his memory, but no one complains of his judgment.
Juries	Jury: a group of twelve men who, having lied to the judge about their hearing, health and business engagements, have failed to fool him.
just deserts	Let the punishment fit the crime.
Just helping out	I sat down on their clothes - to keep them from being stolen. - (on seeing native women swimming nude at a beach in Hawaii)
Justice	Did you ever expect a corporation to have a conscience, when it has no soul to be damned, and no body to be kicked?
Justice	Justice, n. A commodity whch in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.
Justice	Justice is the sanction fo established injustice.
Justice	In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
Justice	"There is no such thing as justice--in or out of court.” - (American criminal lawyer, born April 18th)
Justice	Justice cannot be for one side alone, but must be for both.
Justice	Had I so interfered in behalf of the rich, the powerful, the intelligent, the so-called great, or in behalf of any of their friends ... every man in this court would have deemed it an act worthy of reward rather than punishment. - (last speech to the court, 1859)
Justice	Often justice comes only for people who are rich.
Justice	It is justice, not charity, that is lacking in the world.
Justice	Separate justice and love, and what do you get? A corpse. - (theologian)
Justice	The lofty concept of justice, to most people, really means I get what I want and I want it now.
Justice	The lofty concept of justice, to most people, really means thatI get what I want and I want it now.
Justice	The lofty concept of justice, to most people, really means that I get what I want and I want it now.
Kansans	People in this empty land have been calling the world back to the paths of self-denying righteousness for over a century now, always imagining themselves closer to God by virtue of their distance from civilization. - (Author of What’s the Matter With Kansas?)
Kidders	Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.
Kids	Groucho: "It says here that you and your wife have eleven children. Why so many?" Contestant: "Well, we just love kids." Groucho: "I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth sometimes." - (to a contestant on his quiz show)
Killing	Kill one man and you are a murderer. Kill millions and you are a conqueror. Kill all and you are a God.
Killing	I do not wish to kill or to be killed, but I can foresee circumstances in which these things would be by me unavoidable.
Kindness	One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.
Kindness	Of all the things I have learned in my lifetime, the one with the greatest value is that unexpected kindness is the most powerful, least costly and most underrated agent of human change.
Kindness	No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
Kings	The whole world is in revolt. Soon there will be only five Kings left--the King of England, the King of Spades, The King of Clubs, the King of Hearts, and the King of Diamonds.
KISS Principle	Whoever put the second S in the KISS principle added 33% needless complexity.
Kissing	The kiss originated when the first male reptile licked the first female reptile, implying in a subtle, complimentary way that she was as succulent as the small reptile he had for dinner the night before.
Kleptomania	Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.
Kleptomania	A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself because he can't help himself.
Knowledge	We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine.
Knowledge	The full area of ignorance is not mapped: we are at present only exploring its frings.
Knowledge	If it rained knowledge, I'd hold out my hand; but I would not give myself the trouble to go in quest of it.
Knowledge	We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything.
Knowledge	I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know.
Knowledge	There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.
Knowledge	I was born not knowing and have had only a little time to change that here and there.
Knowledge	Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time.
Knowledge	To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody.
Knowledge	Where is the knowledge that is lost in information? Where is the wisdom that is lost in knowledge?
knowledge	It ain't so much the things we don't know that get us into trouble, it's the things we do know that just ain't so.
knowledge	The larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shoreline of wonder.
Land use	We abuse land because we regard it as a commodity belonging to us. When we see land as a community to which we belong, we may begin to use it with love and respect.
Language	Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Language	The Romans would never have found time to conquer the world if they had been obliged first to learn Latin.
Language	As was his language so was his life.
Language	We are tied down to a language which makes up in obscurity what it lacks in style.
Language	I wonder what language truck drivers are using, now that everyone is using theirs?
Late Comers	I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.
Laughter	Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
Laughter	Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter.
Laughter	He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.
Law	The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.
Law	A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
Law	Laws are like cobwebs, which catch small flies but let wasps and hornets break through.
Law	The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.
Law	When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.
Law	Law is a bottomless pit; it is a cormorant, a harpy that devours everything.
Law	This is a court of law young man, not a court of justice.
Law	A lawsuit is a necesssary waste of time.
Law of Scary Laws	The Law of Scary Laws: For any behavior, policy or belief X, one's personal disapproval of X can be expressed as a scary law of the form: 'Those who fail to stand up to X will sooner or later find themselves at X's feet.'
Lawlessness	The underworld risks much and works hard to steal from others. Is it worth the effort?
Laws	After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
Laws	Every law is an infraction of liberty.
Laws	Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Laws	After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the gasket has been omitted.
Laws	If you can prove you have broken the existing law for two years, you'll be protected under the new law. - (on provisions of proposed illegal-alien legislation)
Laws	The more corrupt a society, the more numerous its laws.
Lawsuits	Lawsuit, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
Lawsuits	I was never ruined but twice; once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I won one.
Lawyers	Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.
Lawyers	He did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.
Lawyers	If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.
Lawyers	A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.
Lawyers	An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attornety can delay one even longer.
Lawyers	Lawyer, n. One skilled in the circumvention of the law.
Lawyers	Lawyer: one who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation.
Lawyers	What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra? He gets taller.
Lawyers	Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Lawyers	The only thing worse than "Trust me, I'm a lawyer" is "Trust me, I'm your lawyer."
Lawyers	It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour.
Lawyers	The insult is the greatest form of praise one lawyer can have for another.
Lawyers	Nothing is as dangerous as an unemployed lawyer.
Laziness	Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Lazyness	There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking.
Leaders	The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Leadership	At least she's the president of something, which is more than I can say.
Leadership	I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.
Leadership	The genius of a good leader is to leave behind him a situation which common sense, without the grace of genius, can deal with successfully.
Leadership	Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.
Leadership	I can honestly say that I was never affected by the question of the success of an undertaking. If I felt it was the right thing to do, I was for it regardless of the possible outcome.
Leadership	A leader who doesn't hesitate before he sends his nation into battle is not fit to be a leader.
Learning	As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life - so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
Learning	Personally, I am always ready to learn although I do not always like to be taught.
Learning	There are three kinds of men: the one that learns by reading, the few that learn by observation, and the rest of 'em that have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Lectures	I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them.
Legalities	God cannot be found in New York City. - (after searching for the beneficiary of a will)
Legality	The illegal we can do immediately, the unconstitutional takes a bit longer.
Lessons	The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.
letting oneself go	Hey, it's okay to let yourself go, as long as you let yourself come. - ((denied))
Lexographer	Lexicographer:.a harmless drudge, that busies himself in tracing the original, and detailing the significations of words.
Liars	Foote is quite impartial, for he tells lies about everybody.
LIberals	A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
Liberals	A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment.
Liberty	Liberty means responsibility; that is why most men dread it.
Liberty	Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.
Liberty	Liberty is the right to do whatever the law permits.
Liberty	The real destroyer of the liberties of the people is he who spreads among them bounties, donations and benefits.
Liberty	Liberty coming from a foreign nation is a dictatorship dressed as a woman.
Liberty	The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep's throat, for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act as the destroyer of liberty.
Liberty	A Constitution of Government once changed from freedom can never be restored. Liberty, once lost, is lost forever. - (2nd US President)
Libraries	No place affords a more striking conviction of the vanity of human hopes than a public library; for who can see the wall crowdedon every side by mighty volumes, the works of laborious meditations and accurate inquiry, now scarcely known but by the catalogue
Lieing	It is always the best policy to speak the truth--unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.
Lieing	Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.
Lies	There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Lies	Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens.
Lies	Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the frictions of social contacts.
Lies	Actions lie louder than words.
Lies	Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.
Lies	A lie told often enough becomes the truth.
Lies	There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
Lies	A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
Lies	He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do it a second time.
Life	You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
Life	I like life. It's something to do.
Life	There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.
Life	Life is what happens while you are making other plans
Life	It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over.
Life	A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
Life	Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, A medley of extemporanea; And love is a thing that can never go wrong; And I am Marie of Roumania.
Life	Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it.
Life	All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
Life	There is so much trouble in coming into the world, and so much more, as well as meanness, in going out of it, that it hardly seems worth while to be here at all.
Life	Cognito, ergo sunk.
Life	A well-written life is as rare as a well-spent one.
Life	Whoever has lived long enought to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.
Life	It was so cold the other day that a lawyer was spotted with his hands in his own pocket!!
Life	Support your local police force-Beat yourself up!!
Life	A fool and his money are some party!
Life	One way of getting to know our fellow-countrymen's miseries is to go and look at their pleasures.
Life	Thus bad begins but worse remains behind.
Life	Ask yourself if you are happy, and you cease to be.
Life	Birth and copulation and death, That's all the facts when you come to brass tacks.
Life	Remember that whatever you do in life, 90 percent of it is half mental.
Life	The only kind office performed for us by our friends of which we never complain, is our funeral; and the only thing we are sure to want happens to be the only thing we never purchase- our coffin.
Life	From Ignorance our comfort flows; The only wretched are the wise.
Life	During the time men live without a common Power to keep them all in awe...where every man is enemy to every man. In such conditions there is no place for Industry...no Arts; no Letters; no Society:...and the life of man solitary, poore, nasty, brutish and short.
Life	Not to be born is much the best thing for man, and the next best thing is to die as soon as possible.
Life	If we were all to bring our misfortunes into a common store, so that each person should receive an equal share, the majority would be glad to take up their own and depart.
Life	My pessimism goes to the point of suspecting the sincerity of the pessimists.
Life	It is the bright day that brings forth the adder.
Life	Youth is a blunder; manhood a struggle; old age a regret.
Life	Isn't life a terrible thing, thank God?
Life	The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.
Life	Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
Life	Life is too important to be taken seriously.
Life	There must be more to life than having everything.
Life	Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story
Life	The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Life	Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.
Life	Life is just one damned thing after another.
Life	The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
Life	Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Life	Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards
Life	I've been trying for some time to develop a lifestyle that doesn't require my presence.
Life	Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.
Life	My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
Life	In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
Life	The purpose of life is to fight maturity.
Life	Life is a long lesson in humility.
Life	Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
Life	A lifetime is more than sufficiently long for people to get what there is of it wrong.
Life	Life is a zoo in a jungle.
Life	Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.
Life	Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
Life	We're all in this alone.
Life	Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
Life	We are an impossibility in an impossible universe.
Life	Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
Life	Life is just a bowl of pits.
Life	Ninety percent of everything is crap.
Life	Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Life	Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.
life	Life is too short for traffic.
Life	Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy growth.
Life	Life is a tale told by an idiot -- full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
Life	Life is a disease: and the only difference between one man and another is the stage of the disease at which he lives.
Life	Life is an effort that deserves a better cause
Life	Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
Life	Life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed by the desire of changing his bed. One would prefer to suffer near the fire, and another is certian he would get well if he were by the window.
Life	Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.
Life	Life is one long process of getting tired.
Life	Life is not a spectacle or a feast; it is a predicament.
Life	Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of a dilemma.
Life	Why shouldn't things be largely absurd, futile, and transitory? They are so, and we are so, and they and we go very well together.
Life	Life is a gamble at terrible odds; if it was a bet you wouldn't take it.
Life	Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
Life	Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim.
Life	In the great game of human life one begins by being a dupe and ends by being a rogue.
Life	Life is a God-damned, stinking, treacherous game and nine hundred and ninety-nine men out of a thousend are bastards.
Life	In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
Life	Reality is an oxymoron.
Life	Life is too short to drink bad wine.
Life	Reality is intruding on my life. - (Former Dancer)
Life	When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
LIfe	I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Life	No one is a virgin, because life has screwed us all.
Life	What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset. - (Native American warrior and orator)
Life	If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it.
Life	We are bits of stellar matter that got cold by accident, bits of a star gone wrong.
Life	Always keep in mind that human life is valuable only to the owner, and perhaps a few majority stockholders.
Life	I started out to be a pessimist but gave it up. I didn't think it would work out.
Life	It's hard to remember that your initial goal was to drain the swamp when you're up to your butt in alligators.
life	You don't know what you don't want until you have it permanently.
Life	A lifetime is more than sufficiently long for people to get what there is of it wrong. - (Danish poet and scientist)
Life	The unexamined life is not worth living.
life	Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid.
Life	The only constant in life is change.
Life	The reason Easterners think so highly of themselves is because they haven't got any mountains to remind them of just how small they are.
life	If things were the way i saw them, everyone would have a lot more fun.
Life	Life was certainly a queer business--so brief, yet such a lot of it; so substantial, yet in a few years, which behaved like minutes, all scattered & anyhow.
life	Impetus ad periculum/I run to danger
Life	Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little. - (In conversation to Tom Quinn)
Life	The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
Life	Any idiot can face a crisis -- it's the day to day living that wears you out.
Life	Do not despair of life. Think of the fox, prowling in a winter night to satisfy his hunger. His race survives; I do not believe any of them ever committed suicide.
Life	Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference. The Marines don't have that problem."
Life	The whole life of man is but a point of time; let us enjoy it.
Life	There's no such thing as a long and happy life. A long life means saying goodbye to old friends one after the other.
life	The wise man learns from his mistakes...The wiser man learns from the mistakes of others.
Life	You ain't old until you're dead!
Life	To tell you the truth, I have absolutely no idea what'll happen next. But I'm sure it won't be pleasant. It never is. - (from the novel THE MARRIAGE OF STICKS)
Life	For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
Life	There are chords in the hearts of the most reckless which cannot be touched without emotion. - (THE MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH)
Life	No humane being, past the thoughtless age of boyhood, will wantonly murder any creature which holds its life by the same tenure that he does.
Life	Believe that life is worth living and your belief will create the fact. - (psychologist and philosopher)
Life	We are obliged to spread the news, painful and bitter though it may be for some to hear, that all living things on earth are kindred.
Life	May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. - (Professional Golfer)
Life	There'll be plenty of time to rest in the grave. - (Hungarian mathematician)
Life	To expect life to be rewarding without taking risks is like expecting a lottery to pay you without having made the gamble. - (Author of "Comments USA")
Life	Life causes death!
Life	Life - the entertainment is free!
Life	Life is like a re-gifted box of chocolates... The box looks great, still sealed in plastic but every piece is hard, stale and only semi-sweet. - (A true curmudgeon...)
Life's purpose	All human beings should try to learn before they die, What they are running from, and to, and why.
Light	You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in.
Liife	Life is something that everyone should try at least once.
Likelyhood	Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others.
Listening	It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.
Listening	A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.
Listening	A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.
Listening	A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
Listening	Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble.
Listening	The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
Listening	Hearing is one of the body's five senses. But listening is an art.
Literacy	The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
Literacy	It is better to be able neither to read nor write than to be able to do nothing else.
Literary	A traffic jam of the lost waiting for the ferry across the Styx. - (on Literary Parties)
Literature	Of a novel by Henry James: Once you put it down, you can't pick it up.
Literature	It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
Litigation	For certian people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.
Littering	Of course I litter the public highway. Every chance I get. After all, it's not the beer cans that are ugly; it's the highway that is ugly.
little things	If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size? - (Columnist)
Living	I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
Loathings	My loathings are simple: stupidity, opprestion, crime, cruelty, soft music.
Logic	Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?
Logic	... when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.
Logic	If sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man, and one man can dig a posthole in sixty seconds, apparently sixty men can dig a posthole in one second.
Logic	The heart has arguments with which the logic of the mind is not acquainted. - (French mathematician and philosopher)
Logic	If he'd just pay me what he's spending to make me stop me robbing him, I'd stop robbing him.
Logic	There are three types of people in this world: those who are good at math and those that aren't.
Logic	There are three types of people in this world: those who are good at math and those that aren’t.
Logic	If the end does not justify the means -- what can?
logic	If life was logical - men would ride sidesaddle
London	Grubstreet: Originally the name of a street in Moorfields in London, much inhabited by writers of small histories, dictionaries, and temporary poems ;whence any mean production is called grubstreet.
London	London, that great cesspool into which all the loungers of the Empire are irresistibly drained.
London	A place you go to get bronchitis. - (on London)
Loneliness	Alone-adj. In bad company.
Longevity	I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the last one left.
Longevity	If I'd known I was going to last this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.
Longevity	If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.
Longevity	Longevity is punishment for outliving your peers.
Los Angeles	Nineteen suburbs in search of a metropolis. - (on L.A.)
Los Angeles	Turn the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
Los Angeles	Thought is barred in this city of Dreadful Joy, and conversation is unkown. - (on Los Angeles)
Los Angeles	A big hard-boiled city with no more personality that a paper cup. - (on Los Angeles)
Los Angeles	Everything in Los Angeles is too large, too loud and usually banal in concept . . . The plastic asshole of the world.
Los Angeles	The town is like an advertisement for itself; none of its charms are left to the imagination.
Los Angles	Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?
Losing	We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play.
Losing	Second place is the first loser.
Loss	Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportions a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size.
Lost	We're not lost. We're locationally challenged.
Lost	Be sure to let me know if you get lost.
Lottery	I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
Lottery	Searching for lost relatives? Win the Lottery! - (on a bumper sticker)
Love	Kind hearts are soonest wronged.
Love	'Tis better to have loved and lost / Than never to have lost at all.
Love	The longest absence is less perilous to love than the terrible trials of incessant proximity.
Love	It is not hard to love those from whom nothing can be feared.
Love	Fall not in love, therefore; it will stick to your face.
Love	It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.
Love	In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others.
Love	Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.
Love	Love is the illusion that one women differs from another.
Love	Not all men are bastards!!!! Some are dead.
Love	Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
Love	Love is the most subtle form of self interest.
Love	First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time.
Love	Love is the state in which man sees thing most decidedly as they are not.
Love	Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
Love	Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it.
Love	It's possible to love a human being if you don't know them too well.
Love	To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.
Love	Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve the continuation of the species.
Love	Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
Love	Love is friendship set on fire.
Love	That love thy neighbor thing - I really mean it.
Love	Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.
Love	Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. - (writer)
Love	Love doesn't make the world go round, it makes the ride worth while!
Love	What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil.
Love	The Woman that does not love your Frowns Will never embrace your smiles. - (Notebook Poems: Felpham and after)
Love	It is said that love makes the world go 'round. In most cases, it is a wasted trip.
Love	It is with true love as it is with ghosts; everyone talks about it, but few have seen it.
Love	When you fall in love, it is much easier to spend more dollars than sense.
Love	To fall in love you have to be in the state of mind for it to take, like a disease.
Love-hate	I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. - (civil rights activist)
Luck	We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
Luck	I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.
Luck	People always call it luck when you've acted more sensibly than they have.
Lumber	The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.
Luxuries	Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
Luxuries	Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities.
Lying	We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us.
Lying	It can't be *pathological* lying if it preserves your health.
Machines	One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
Madness	If a madman were to come into this room with a stick in his hand, no doubt we should pity the state of his mind; but our primary consideration would be to take care of ourselves. We should knock him down first, and pity him afterwards
Madness	There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad.
Madness	Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence.
Madness	Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who not only thinks he is Napoleon but hires an army to prove it.
Madness	Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
Madness	The question is not settled yet, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence
Madness	We are mad, not only individually, but nationally. We check manslaughter and isolated murders; but what of war and the much vaunted crime of slaughtering whole peoples?
Madness	You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
Main	Maine is as dead, intellectually, as Abyssinia, Nothing is ever heard from it.
Majority	It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.
Majority	Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.
Majority	A majority vote doesn't prove anything. Look up lemmings.
Male dominance	As long as the husband is following the mandate of the Lord, the wife should submit to his leadership even though she may disagree with it. - (Evangelist)
malice, incompetence	"It is not necessary to attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence."
Man	Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so.
Man	It is hard to elieve that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.
Man	Men often mistake themselves, but they never forget themselves.
Man	Our greatest pretenses are build up not to hide the evil and the guly in us, but our emptiness. The hardest thing to hide is something that is not there.
Man	To know oneself is to forsee oneself; to forsee oneself amounts to playing a part.
Man	One's eyes are what one is; one's mouth, what one becomes.
Man	Who is unhappy at having only one mouth? And who is not unhappy at having only one eye?
Man	Our notion of symmetry is derived from the human face. Hence, we demand symmetry horizontally and ain breath only; not vertically nor in depth.
Man	There is no more miserable human being than one in whom nothing is habitual but indecision.
Man	The basic test of freedom is prehaps less in what we are free to do than in what we are free not to do.
Man	One can say: "I will, but my body does not obey me"; but not: "My will does not obey me."
Man	The three most important things a man has are, briefly, his private parts, his money, and his religious opinions.
Man	Life is too short to be small.
Man	Is life worth living? This is a question for an embryo, not for a man.
Man	A brain weight of nine hundred grams is adequate as an optimum for human behavior. Anything more is employed in the commission of misdeeds.
Man	I believe the best definition of man is the ungrateful biped.
Man	I am the owner of my shoulders, the tenant of my hips.
Man	Man is an exception, whatever else he is. If it is not true that a divine being fell, then we can only say that one of the animals went entirely off its head.
Man	No human being, however great, or powerful, was ever so free as a fish.
Man	Everything great in the world is done by neurotics; they alone founded our religions and created our masterpiueces.
Man	The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly, is to fill the world with fools.
Man	We are all as God made us and frequently much worse.
Man	The play is the tragedy "Man',And the hero is the conqueror 'Worm'.
Man	Unless the utmost care is exercised, space-vehicles may contaminate the planets.
Man	Were one half of mankind brave and the other half cowards, the brave would be always beating the cowards. Were all brave they would lead an uneasy life; all would be continually fighting. But being all cowards we go on very well.
Man	All men naturally hate each other.
Man	If children were brought into the world by an act of pure reason alone, whould the human race continue to exist?
Man	Mankind are a herd of knaves and fools. It is necessary to join the crowd, or get out of their way, in order not to be trampled to death by them.
Man	I think that if the devil doesn't exist, but man has created him, he has created him in his own image and likeness.
Man	Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.
Man	Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.
Man	What luck for rulers that men do not think.
Man	Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Man	The earth has a skin and that skin has diseases; one of its diseases is called man.
Man	The only thing that stops God from sending a second flood is that the first one was useless
Man	Man has will, but woman has her way.
Man	Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is. - (novelist, playwright and philosopher)
Management	Use it up, wear it out; Make it do, or do without. - (New England maxim)
Managing	The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.
Mankind	As I know more of mankind, I expect less of them, and am ready now to call a man 'a good man', upon easier terms than I was formerly.
Mankind	Who ever is not a misanthrope at forty can never have loved mankind.
Mankind	Real misanthropes are not found in solitude, but in the world; since it is experience of life, and not philosophy, which produces real hatred of mankind.
Mankind	I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.
Mankind	If mankind minus one were of one opinion, then mankind is no more justified in silencing the one than the one - if he had the power - would be justified insilencing mankind.
Mankind	I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
Mankind	Most men are morons. Women are much better; they are fools.
Mankind	If we see no other nation but our own, we do not give mankind a fair chance...
Manners	It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
Manners	To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
Manners	Manners are especially the need of the plain. The pretty can get away with anything.
Maps	I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
March	The month of March is God's way of showing those of us who don't drink what a hangover is like.
Marilyn Monroe	A vacuum with nipples. - (on Marilyn Monroe)
Marilyn Monroe	She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short. - (on Marilyn Monroe)
Marketing	There are four kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, statistics, and marketing.
Marraige	I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Marraige	By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Marraige	Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
Marriage	One man's folly is another man's wife.
Marriage	My toughest fight was with my first wife.
Marriage	Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
Marriage	The only lasting peace between a man and his wife is, doubtless, seperation.
Marriage	How many women would laugh at the funeral of their husbands if it were not the custom to weep?
Marriage	A good marriage would be between a deaf husband and a blind wife.
Marriage	It is commonly a weak man who marries for love.
Marriage	I believe marriages would in general be as happy, and often more so, if they were all made by the Lord Chancellor, upon a due consideration of characters and circumstances, without the parties having any choice in the matter.
Marriage	Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
Marriage	There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.
Marriage	We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years.
Marriage	The triumph of hope over experience.
Marriage	The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
Marriage	Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Marriage	All marriages are mixed marriages.
Marriage	Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.
Marriage	I know what to do, but I'm not sure how to make it interesting.
Marriage	When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
Marriage	Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
Marriage	I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Marriage	Losing a husband can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
Marriage	Mairrage is a triumph of habit over hate.
Marriage	He marries best who puts it off until it is too late.
Marriage	The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
Marriage	I couldn't see tying myself down to a middle-aged woman with four children, even though the woman was my wife and the children were my own.
Marriage	All tragedies are finished by death; all comedies are ended by marriage.
Marriage	The trouble with wedlock is that there's not enough wed and too much lock.
Marriage	Marriage is popular because ir combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.
Marriage	Marriage: a souvenir of love.
Marriage	The most happy marriage I can picture . . . would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
Marriage	Loved the wedding -- now invite me to the marriage.
Marriage	I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home that serve the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
Marriage	Wives don't want to hear what husbands think. Wives want to hear what they themselves think, but in a deeper voice.
Marriage	Marriage, Mortgage and Children....Lifes Full Catastrophe!
Marriage	My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
Marriage	No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
Marriage	Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?
Marriage	Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Marriage	Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
Marriage	Married couples who quarrel bitterly every day may really need each other as deeply as those who appear to be desperately in love.
Marriage	Are you kidding me? I'm not stupid!.....anymore.
Marriage	Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Marriage	Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
Marriage	Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you.
Marriage	Women who mar for money are just hookers with higher prices and more patience. - (Author- Comments USA)
Marriage	Women who marry for money are merely hookers with higher prices and more patience - (Author of )
Marriage	Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.
Marriage	To many, the marriage vows are only a series of trick questions to be answer later, maybe. - (Author of Comments USA)
Marriage	If a second marriage is a triumph of hope over experience, anyone trying a third should not be allowed to escape through death.
Marriage	If a second marriage is a triumph of hope over experience, anyone involved in a third should not be allowed to escape through death.
Martyrdom	Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability.
Martyrdom	Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.
Martyrdom	It is often pleasant to stone a martyr, no matter how much we admire him.
Martyrdom	A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
Martyrdom	Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.
Marxism	I am a Marxist--of the Groucho tendency.
Maskirovka	Secret 0.831. Any Russian definition of maskirovka is an instance of it.
Masturbation	Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love.
Materialism	Every increased possession loads us with a new weariness.
materialism	It is preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else, that prevents us from living freely and nobly.
Math	2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.
Math	As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
Math	Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.
Mathematics	The numerator goes on the top!
Mathmatics	In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
Maturity	Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
maturity	When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Maturity	We're not a girl's school without men. We're a women's college without boys.
Maturity	I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Maturity	By the time a man realizes that his father was usually right, he has a son who thinks he's usually wrong.
Meaning	How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
Meaningfulness	The word 'meaningful' when used today is nearly always meaningless.
Measels	Did you ever have the measels, and if so, how many?
Meat	Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!
Media	If you don't know what to do, call the media and at least give the appearance of doing something.
Medical care	We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
Medicine	Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint. However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack.
Medicine	Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out of the window, except that the birds might eat them.
Medicine	Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion weak, men mistake medicine for magic.
Mediocraty	Only the mediocre are always at their best.
Mediocrity	Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
Mediocrity	Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
Mediocrity	Women want mediorce men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possibe.
Meetings	A motion to adjourn is always in order.
Meetings	Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything.
Meetings	A meeting here turns into a need for another meeting there, which turns into what they call a service report which recaps what the meeting about the meeting was all about so we're all in agreement and "on the same page" at the next meeting. - (cartoonist)
Melancholy	Melancholy men, of all others, are the most witty.
Membership	I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.
Memory	The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoyes several times the same good things for the first time.
Memory	It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
Memory	Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?
Memory	Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Memory	Creditors have better memories than debtors.
Memory	I have a good memory; it's just a short one.
Men	Men who never get carried away should be.
Men	He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.
Men	A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything.
Men	The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can.
Men	Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead.
Men	Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occured to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths.
Men	Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange.
Men	The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
Men	See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Men	I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
Men	I'm a self made man. Who else would help.
Men	Men are reasoning rather than reasonable animals.
Men and Women	Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals.
Men and Women	The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots.
Men vs women	It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage.
Men vs. women	There's two theories to arguin' with a woman; neither one works.
men vs. women	If a man speaks in the forest where no woman can hear, is he still wrong?
Mental Health	It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
Mental Illness	The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.
Metric System	Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
Mexico	Mexico: where life is cheap, death is rich, and the buzzards are never unhappy.
Middle Class	In the middle classes, where the segregation of the artificially limited family in its little brick box is horribly complete, bad manners, ugly dresses, awkwardness, cowardice, peevishness and all the pretty vices of unsociablity flourish like mushrooms in a cellar.
Middle East policy	I can't imagine we would care if everyone on the Arabian peninsula killed everyone else if it weren't for energy. - (CIA operative)
Mideast conflict	We Jews have a secret weapon in our struggle with the Arabs: we have no place to go.
Midlife	Middle Age is that perplexing time of life when we hear two voices calling us, one saying, "Why not?" and the other, "Why bother?"
Militarism	Your business is to put me out of business. - (in a commencement address)
Military	The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability.
Military	Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Military	Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Military	Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
Mimes	If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
Minds, War	Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.
mining	The wealth Nevada has already given to the world is indeed wonderful, but the only grand marvel is the energy expended in its development. - (on mining)
Miracles	There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.
Misc	It is easier to stay out than get out.
Misc.	So little time and so little to do.
Misc.	Everything is in a state of flux, including the status quo.
Misc.	Go, and never darken my towels again.
Misc.	The human mind treats a new idea the same way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it.
Misc.	You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Misc.	Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.
Misc.	Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.
Misc.	Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
Misc.	It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
Misc.	If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
Misc.	He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch.
Misc.	Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Misc.	Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.
Misc.	A man gazing at the stars is poverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.
Misc.	Stoop and you'll be stepped on; stand tall and you'll be shot at.
Misc.	Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
Misc.	At times one remains faithful to a cause only because its opponents do not cease to be insipid.
Misc.	Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.
Misc.	I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Misc.	Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
MIsc.	Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
Misc.	Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
Misc.	As I was walking up the stair /n I met a man who wasn't there /n He wasn't there again today. /n I wish, I wish he'd stay away.
Misc.	Either I've been missing something or nothing has been going on.
Misc.	Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
Misc.	With Epcot Center the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life.
Misc.	My Karma ran over your dogma.
Misc.	I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some.
Misc.	The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn't there the second time.
Misc.	I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Misc.	Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
Misc.	Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Misc.	I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.
Misc.	It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
Misc.	Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Misc.	The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.
Misc.	Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
Misc.	I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter.
Misc.	I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.
Misc.	And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
Misc.	Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
Misc.	I felt like poisoning a monk.
Misc.	I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
Misc.	Who are you and how did you get in here? - I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.
Misc.	If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me
Misc.	I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
Misc.	Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'.
Misc.	You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
MIsc.	If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.
Misc.	I see your point... and raise you a line.
Misc.	Only the shallow know themselves.
Misc.	If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Misc.	The most merciful thing in the world . . . is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.
Misc.	Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.
Misc.	The Falklands thing was a fight between two bald men over a comb. - (Argentinean writer and poet)
Misc.	Memory is the only Paradise out of which we cannot be driven! - (French playwright)
Misery	Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
Misery	There is nothing, Sir, too little for a creature as man. It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having as little misery and as much happiness as possible
Misery	There are two means of refuge from the misery of life – music and cats.
Misery	No point making yourself miserable. There are plenty of people willing to do it for you.
Misfit	When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Misfortune	Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, may be prolonged to that point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.
Misfortune	Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
Misinterpretation	The ad in the paper said "Big Sale. Last Week." Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in. - (comedian)
Misquotation	I improve on misquotation.
Misquotes	The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make.
Missionaries	Missionaries are going to reform the world whether it wants it or not.
Missionaries	Our noble society for providing the infant Negroes in the West Indies with flannel waistcoats and moral pocket handkerchiefs. - (on missionaries)
Mistaken beliefs	Those who might be momentarily inhibited by the saying- “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” might be encouraged to make three or four more. - (Author "Comments USA")
Mistakes	We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
Moderation	A little more moderation would be good. Of course, my life hasn't exactly been one of moderation.
Modern Art	Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.
modest living	Let us all be happy, and live within our means, even if we have to borrow the money to do it with.
Money	The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.
Money	If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Money	The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights.
Money	Lack of money is the root of all evil.
Money	An now abideth faith, home, money; but the greatest of these is money.
Money	There are few ways in which a man can be more innocently employed than in getting money.
Money	The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.
Money	Never ask of money spent /n Where the spender thinks it went /n Nobidy was ever meant /n To remember or invent /n What he did with every cent.
Money	Every crowd has a silver lining.
Money	All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
Money	Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months.
Money	It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Money	There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.
Money	I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
Money	Spare no expense to save money on this one.
Money	Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.
Money	A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money.
Money	I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
Money	My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.
Money	I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Money	The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated.
Money	Make money and the whole nation will conspire to make you a gentleman.
Money	When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion. - (on missionaries)
Money	It is a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money.
Money	Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the world is love. The poor know that it is money.
Money	The two most beautiful words in the English language are "check enclosed".
Money	People will swim through shit if you put a few bob in it.
Money	Virtue had never been as respectable as money.
Money	To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it.
Money	Most of my money I spent on women and booze. The rest I just wasted.
Money	Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game.
Money	I spent huge amounts of money on booze, fast cars and beautiful women. The rest I just squandered. - (Ex-footballer and bon viveur)
Money	Almost any man knows how to earn money, but not one in a million knows how to spend it.
Money	They pay you in cash, and that's just like real money.
Money	Money isn't the most important thing in life, but it's reasonably close to oxygen on the "gotta have it" scale.
Money	To have done anything just for money is to have been truly idle.
Money	A big bank account often makes up for other shortcomings.
Money	When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money.
Money	When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money.
Money	When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money.
money	When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money.
Money	Money talks. Mine always says "goodbye."
Money	Money is no object if someone else pays.
Money	Anything worth doing is worth doing for money
MONEY & FRIENDS	Although money can’t buy friends, it sure makes them a lot easier to rent - (Author COMMENTS USA)
Money management	Two can live as cheaply as one - if they both have good jobs.
Moods	Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again.
Morale	Flogging will continue until morale improves.
Morality	His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
Morality	Go into the street and give one man a lecture on morality and another a shilling, and see which will repect you most.
Morality	Bourgeois morality is largely a system of making cheap virtues a cloak for expensive vices.
Morality	Morality is the theory that every human act must be either right or wrong, and that 99 percent of them are wrong.
Morality	Morality consists in suspecting other people of not being legally married.
Morality	Morality is a disease which progresses in three stages: virtue--boredom--syphilis.
Morality	Morality is simply the attitude we adopt toward people we personally dislike.
Morality	The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is the delight of moralists -- that is why they invented hell.
Morality	Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Morality	There are only two things that can truly drive a man beyond morality - overwhelming hatred, and true love.
Morality	Being right does not make it right.
Morality	Upon our nation's moral fiber depends our nation's moral regularity.
Morals	Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right
Morning	Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Morning	Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.
Morning	Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.
Morning	Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Morning	Getting out of bed in the morning is an act of false confidence.
Mornings	It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up.
Mornings	The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
Mortality	Read the best books first, or you may not have a chance to read them at all.
Mortality	A wonderful doctor gave this guy 6 months to live. When he couldn't pay his bills, he gave him another 6 months.
Moses	Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us 40 years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil!
Motherhood	Motherhood is not for the faint-hearted. Frogs, skinned knees, and the insults of teenage girls are not meant for the wimpy.
Mothers	When love is gone, there's always justice. And when justice is gone, there's always force. And when force is gone, there's always Mom. Hi, Mom!
Mothers	Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Mothers-in-law	A mother-in-law dies only when another devil is needed in hell.
Motivational	It takes less time to kill all the people who say 'It takes less time to do a thing right than to explain why you did it wrong' than to explain why you only wounded some of them.
Movements	All movements go too far.
Movies	Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets
Movies	Never judge a book by its movie.
Movies	The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.
Multi-processing	How can you think and hit at the same time?
Murder	Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
Murder	In films murders are always very clean. I show how difficult it is and what a messy thing it is to kill a man.
Music	Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable.
Music	Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world.
Music	I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Music	There is no doubt that the first requirement for a composer is to be dead.
Music	A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it.
Music	In case of Brahms, exit here.
Music	I hate music, especially when it's played.
Music	The whole problem can be stated quite simply by asking, 'Is there a meaning to music?' My answer would be, 'Yes.' And 'Can you state in so many words what the meaning is?" My answer to that would be, 'No.'"
Music	Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.
Music	The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.
Music	Only sick music makes money today.
Music	Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays.
Music	Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away.
Music	Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
Music	The chief objection to playing wind instruments is that is prolongs the life of the player.
Music	Let a short Act of Parliment be passed, placing all street musicians outside the protection of the law, so that any citizen may assail them with stones, sticks, knives, pistols, or bombs without incurring any penalties.
Music	I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
Music	I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.
Music	Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent.
Music	Assassins! - (to his orchestra)
Music	Music is the only language that survived the Tower of Babel.
Music	Life without music would be an intolerable insult.
Music	Any damn fool can play the drums. - (Banjo player)
Music	Music and rhythm find their way into the secret places of the soul.
Music	No, but I believe I once trod in some. - (when asked if he had ever played works by Stockhausen)
music for the masses	The public wants the musicians to start together and end together. They don't give a damn what happens in between. - (British symphony conductor)
Mysteries	The case has, in some respects, been not entirely devoid of interest.
Mysteries	The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.
Myth	A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes.
National debt	There are a hundred billion stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers.
National Security	National security threat (n.) National security.
Nationalism	Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind.
Nations	A nation is a society united by a delusion about its ancestry and by a common hatred of tis neighbours.
Nations	Greece, so much praised for her wisdom, never produced but seven wise men; judge of the number of fools.
Nations	Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.
Naturalism	If a man walks in the woods for love of them half of each day, he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer. But if he spends his days as a speculator, shearing off those woods and making the earth bald before her time, he is deemed an industrious and enterprising citizen.
Nature	It is cheifly through the instince to kill that man achieves intimacy with the life of nature.
Nature	A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.
Nature	I am at two with nature.
Nature	It is pleasant to have been to a place the way a river went.
Nature	The universe would be incomplete without man; but it would also be incomplete without the smallest transmicroscopic creature that dwells beyond our conceitful eyes and knowledge.
Nature	Nature doesn't care if you're having fun. - (writer)
Nature	Even if smog were a risk to human life, we must remember that life in nature, without technology, is wholesale death.
Nature	I practice a back-to-nature lifestyle. The farther behind my back nature is, the better.
Necking	Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Need	The more you know, the less you need.
Negation	The negation theorem: Negative expectations yield negative results; positive expectations yield negative results.
Negotiation	Whenever you accept our views we shall be in full agreement with you.
Neighbors	For what do we live but to make sport of our neighbors, and laugh at them in our turn?
Neurosis	A neurosis is a secret that you don’t know you are keeping.
New Age	Hello seeker! Now don't feel alone here in the New Age, because there's a seeker born every minute.
New England	The New England shopkeepers and theologians never really developed a civilization; all they ever developed was a government. They were, at their best, tawdry and tacky fellows, oafish in manner and devoid of imagination.
New England	The New England conscience does not stop you from doing what you shouldn't -- it just stops you from enjoying it.
New York	Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
New York	The trouble with New York is that it has no nationality at all. It is simply a sort of free port -- a place, where the raw materials of civilization are received, sorted out , and sent further on.
New York	New York: A third-rate Babylon.
New York	New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
New York	People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.
New York	New York: Where everyone mutinies but no one deserts.
New York	Prison towers and modern posters for soap and whiskey. - (on New York City)
New York	New York is the only city in the world where you can get deliberately run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian
New York	This muck heaves and palpitates. It is multidirectional and has a mayor. - (on New York City)
New York	The city of right angles and tough, damaged people. - (on New York City)
New York	New Yorkers like to boast that if you can survive in New York, you can survive anywhere. But if you can survive anywhere, why live in New York?
Newpapers	I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month, and I feel myself infinitely the happier for it.
Newpapers	A newspaper consists of just the same number of words, whether there be any news in it or not.
News	For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news.
News	If you don't want it printed, don't let it happen.
Newspapers	Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
Newspapers	The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper.
Newspapers	Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's 'St. Matthew's Passion' on a ukelele.
Newspapers	It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Newspapers	The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
Newspapers	Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.
Nice Guys	Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.
Nicole Richie	Nicole Richie has announced that she is pregnant. I don't want to say she's thin, but she started to show after the first half hour.
Nihilism	Nihilism is best done by professionals.
Nit picking	Anyone nit-picking enough to write a letter of correction to an editor doubtless deserves the error that provoked it.
Nixon	As President Nixon says, presidents can do almost anything, and President Nixon has done many things that nobody would have thought of doing.
no	What part of "NO" do you not understand?
NO	What part of "NO" do you not understand?
No respect	I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
No respect	(Running after a garbage truck pulling away from the curb): "Am I too late?" (Truck driver): "No, jump right in!"
Nobility	The truth is that there is nothing noble in being superior to somebody else. The only real nobility is in being superior to your former self.
Non-violence	Non-violence and truth are inseparable and presuppose one another.
Nonconformists	If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.
Nonconformity	Woe to him inside a nonconformist clique who does not conform with nonconformity.
Nonsense	It is a far, far better thing to have a firm anchor in nonsense than to put out on the troubled sea of thought.
Nonsense	A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.
Nonsense	It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
Nonviolence	I am prepared to die, but there is no cause for which I am prepared to kill.
Nonviolence	I have nothing new to teach the world. Truth and nonviolence are as old as the hills.
Normalness	The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
Normalness	Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Normalness	The trouble with normal is it always gets worse.
Nose Job	A pal of mine said, It ain't no joke the rush you get from snortin; coke. I said, "You think Coke gives you a rush you ought to snort an Orange Crush." - (Always cookin' somethin' up)
Nostalgia	Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Nostalgia	Things aren't like they used to be; but then again, they never were.
Nostalgia	People get nostalgic about a lot of things I don't think they were that crazy about the first time around.
Notes	I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on.
Nothing	To do nothing is in everyone's power.
nothing is perfect	The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side. - (American novelist)
Nothingness	Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Notoriety	Hello, I'm A. Whitney Brown. Some day, I hope to be THE Whitney Brown. - (Comedian)
Novels	This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Novelty	There is always something new out of Africa.
Nudity	I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience.
Numbers	It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
Numbers	Why are numbers beautiful? It's like asking why is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony beautiful. If you don't see why, someone can't tell you. I know numbers are beautiful. If they aren't beautiful, nothing is. - (mathematician)
Obedience	Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it.
Obedience	Never mind what I told you – you do as I tell you.
Obedience	Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions. - (evangelist)
Obedience	Woe to him that claims obedience when it is not due; woe to him that refuses it when it is.
Obesity	I saw a large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?
Obfuscation	A man always has two reasons for what he does -- a good one, and the real one.
Objects	Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories – those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Obnoxious	Every obnoxious act is a cry for help.
Obscurity	I would rather be attacked than unnoticed. For the worst thing you can do to an author is to be silent as to his works.
obscurity	Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Observation	You can observe a lot by just watching.
Obviousness	It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
Obviousness	There it was, hidden in alphabetical order.
Occupy Wall Street	The Occupy Wall Street movement faltered when activists realized that traders were quite busy already.
Odds	I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.
Officialdom	Tom Delay announced he will not run for re-election. However he will continue to serve the people of his state, by making license plates.
Oil	There is something about oil that makes high officials lie. - (American author)
Oil	The U.S. is always on the verge of, or in the process of, waging various kinds of war to secure oil supplies.
Oil	Think of Iraq as a military base with a very large oil reserve underneath. You can't ask for better than that. - (New York oil analyst)
Oklahoma	The best thing to ever come out of Oklahoma is I-35.
Old age	When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began at the age of eighty to learn Greek. I am amazed no longer. Old age is ready to undertake tasks that youth shirked because they would take too long.
old age	I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
Old age	Turning 70 is one of those telling times. When people tell you what to do, tell them to go to hell!
Old Age	I am at that age where I am relieved when an ambulance passes by without stopping.
Old Age AKA 'The Golden Years'	It seems like the 'GOLD' in the golden years became extremely tarnished and unrecognizable long before I arrived. - (Let's all give the 'GY' a good old Bronx Cheer!)
Old saying	The best of all sauces is hunger.
on line	Not all that is sent on-line is read by recipient or in fact recieved
ONE WAY TO SAVE	Early to bed and early to rise, lessens the need to economize. - (Author )
One-upmanship	Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication.
Open mind	Listening to both sides of a story will convince you that there is more to a story than both sides.
Opera	No opera plot can be sensible, for people do not sing when they are feeling sensible.
Opera	I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don't understand
Opera	Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
Opera	No operatic star has yet died soon enough for me.
Opera	Opera, n. A play representing life in another world whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures, and no postures but attitudes.
Opera	How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
Opera	The opera . . . is to music what a bowdy house is to a cathedral.
Opera	People are wrong when they say that the opera is not what is used to be. It is what it used to be. That's what's wrong with it.
Opera	Sleep is an excellent way of listening to opera.
Opinion	In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.
Opinion	Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.
Opinion	The man who never alters his opinion is like standing water, & breeds reptiles of the mind. - ('The Marriage of Heaven & Hell')
Opinion	When I want your opinion I'll give it to you.
Opinion	The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd.
Opinion	Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.
Opinion	An opinion is what you have when you don't have any facts. When you have the facts, you don't need an opinion.
Opinions	It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!
Opinions	If you leave the smallest corner of your head vacant for a moment, other people's opinions will rush in from all quarters.
OPINIONS	Remember, when others ask for your opinion, they didn't necessarily ask for your honest opinion. - (Author- COMMENTS USA)
Opinons	I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
Opportunity	Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
Opportunity	We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities. - (from "Pogo")
Opportunity	You should have let yourselves get killed a long time ago when you had the chance.
Opportunity	Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.
Opportunity	Don't say 'problem,' say 'opportunity' – it's way scarier.
Oppression	Surely a King who loves pleasure is less dangerous than one who loves glory?
Opression	Terrorism would only justify their oppression. - (re British colonialism)
Optimism	I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?
Optimism	The basis for optimism is sheer terror.
Optimism	Optimism is the madness of maintaining that everything is right when it is wrong.
Optimism	Optimism, n. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including the ugly.
Optimism	The place where optimism flourishes most is the lunatic asylum.
Optimism	An optimist is a man who has never had much experience.
Optimism	For myself I am an optimist. It does not seem to be much use being anything else.
Optimism	An optimist is one who makes the best of it when he gets the worst of it.
Optimists	The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.
Optimization	I have made this letter longer than usual, because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Oration	Here comes the orator! With his flood of words, and his drop of reason.
Orators	What orators lack in depth they make up in length.
Orators	What orators lack in depth, they make up for in length. - (French philosopher and jurist)
Organization	The only thing that's been a worse flop than the organization of non-violence has been the organization of violence.
Organization	You guys line up alphabetically by height.
Organization	You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.
Originality	Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Outdoors	I am the kind of man who would never notice an oriole building a nest unless it came and built it in my hat in the hat room of the club.
Outdoors	I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is.
Over the Top	Better over the top than under the bottom.
Overcrowding	Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded.
Overkill	WARNING – Wear eye, face, and body protection. - (on the back of a sheet of sandpaper)
Overpopulation	There are a billion people in China. It's not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a billion people. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you.
Overpopulation	Each day the global population grows by 219,000 people. (in 2002)
Oversight	If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Oxymoron	Oxymoron: Christian businessman
Pacing yourself	For fast acting relief, try slowing down.
Packaging	Note to the packaging industry: Yes, it's safer if the product can't be opened by small children; but it's useless if it can't be opened by strong adults.
Pain	Don't squat with your spurs on.
Pain	Pain is it's own loving way of telling you, that if you keep that up, you won't be able to enjoy its wonderful company much longer, since you'll be dead.
Pain	Pain is mandatory, suffering is optional.
Paradise	Paradise is exactly like where you are right now...only much, much better
Paradoxes	Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution.
Paranoia	A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.
Paranoia	Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smalleer countries are neutral.
Parenthood	There are times when parenthood seems nothing but feeding the mouth that bites you.
Parenthood	There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst
Parenthood	The time not to become a father is eighteen years before a war.
Parenthood	Smack your child every day. If you don't know why -- he does.
Parenthood	Most people have no business having children. They are unqualified, either genetically or culturally or both, to reproduce such sorry specimens as themselves. Of all our privileges, the license to breed is the one most grossly abused.
Parenting	A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it.
Parents	My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
Parents	That he delights in the misery of others no man will confess, and yet what motive can make a father cruel?
Parents	The regal and parental tyrant differ only in the extent of their dominions.
Parents	Parents are by no means exempt from the intoxication of dominion.
Parents	Poor people's children, dear Lady never respect them: I did not respect my own mother, though I loved her: and one day, when in anger she called me a puppy, I asked her if she knew what they call a puppy's mother.
Parents	I grew up to have my father's looks -- my father's speech patterns -- my father's posture -- my father's walk -- my father's opinions and my mother's contempt for my father.
Parents	When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Parents	My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.
Parents	My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."
Parents	My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
Parents	My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
Parents	Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
Parents	I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. - (pro golfer)
Parklands	National parking lots. - (– re development in the national parks)
Parties	Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there.
Partiotism	Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons.
Partying	Partying is such sweet sorrow.
Passion	He who desires but acts not, breeds pestilence.
Passion	Fanaticism consists in redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.
Passion	His passion make man live, his wisdom merely makes him last.
Past	I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there.
Past	The past is never dead. It's not even past.
Patience	Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
Patience	I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. - (in Observer April 4, 1989)
Patience	A mule will labor ten years willingly and patiently for you, for the privilege of kicking you once.
Patience	The things that come to those that wait are the things left by those who got there first.
Patriotism	Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.
Patriotism	A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
Patriotism	Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
Patriotism	In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary, patriotism is defined as the lst resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer, I beg to submit that it is the first.
Patriotism	When you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it.
Patriotism	"My country right or wrong" is like saying "My mother drunk or sober."
Patriotism	Patriotism is a pernicious, psychopathic form of idiocy.
Patriotism	Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
Patriotism	Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles.
Patriotism	A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against its government. - (naturalist and author)
Patriotism	Patriotism is often used as a shelter for the thoughtless, arrogant, and greedy.
Patriotism	In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary, patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer, I beg to submit that it is the first. - (American author)
Patriotism	Patriots always talk of dying for their country and never of killing for their country.
Patrons	To Lord Chesterfield… "Is not a Patron, my Lord, one who looks with unconcern on a man struggling for life in the water, and, when he has reached ground, encumbers him with help?"
Patrons	Patron: One who countenances, supports or protects. Commonly a wretch who supports withinsolence, and is paid with flattery.
Paying attention	It is always interesting to see people in dead earnest, from whatever cause, and earthquakes make everybody earnest. - (naturalist)
Peace	The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.
Peace	I think it would be a good idea. - (on peace.)
Peace	Peace, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
Peace	I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Peace	Peace is not made at the council tables, or by treaties, but in the hearts of men and women.
Peace	I did not know that we had ever quarreled. - (when urged to make his peace with God)
Peace	Peace may not be the absence of war -- but it might be a good way to start.
Peace	When eighty percent of the wealth of the world belongs to one percent of the world, how can we expect peace? - (Iranian peace activist)
Peace	Did all these weapons keep us safe from attack on September 11? No. Or will they from the next attack? No. There's no justifying spending on the war in Iraq and Afghanistan when people live on less than $2 a day. - (1997 Nobel Peace Prize)
Peace	If people on the road salute me, I'll tell them, "Pray for the peace of the world. For peace is slow to build up, while war has the speed of lightning as a weapon of destruction. And if they ask me, "Pray for us," I will, no matter how unworthy. For time is the rhythm of eternity -- and only that which leads up to it counts. — God’s Wayfarer, The Chronicle of a Modern Pilgrim
Peace	Uphold the United Nations. It's the best we have as a human family. - (Irish peace activist)
Peace, War	External peace lasts only until the next war.
Peers	Why was I born with such contemporaries?
Pensions	Pension: An allowance made to any one without an equivalent. In England it is generally understood to mean pay given to a state hireling for treason to his country.
People	All my misfortunes come from having thought too well of my fellows.
People	Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
People	The average person thinks he isn't.
People	Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
People	There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.
People	People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
People	It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
People	When there are two conflicting versions of the story, the wise course is to believe the one in which people appear at their worst.
People	The devil is an optimist if he thinks he can make people meaner.
People	People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
People	The world is populated in the main by people who should not exist.
People	Once the people begin to reason, all is lost
People	If it's tourist season, why can't we kill them?
People	There are 2 kinds of people in this world: those who think they can and those who never do a damn thing. - (Early TV personality)
People	Half the people you meet are below average.
People	I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.
Perception	Truly there is less here than meets the eye.
Perfection	Perfection is a minor virtue.
perfection	Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. - (French writer and aviator)
Perjury	Don't lie to me, madam! Because if you lie to me, I'm gonna throw you out of here!
Permission	STOP! Do not use this power saw without permission from the owner, foreman, me, or my son. - ((sign posted at a building site))
Persistence	I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.
Personal Improvement	How different life would be if we were as concerned about what goes on behind our eyes as we are as to what goes on in front of them. - (Author "Comments USA")
Pesimisism	I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
Pessimism	Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
Pessimism	The pessimist is seldom an agitating individual. His creed breeds indifference to others, and he does not trouble himself to thrust his views upon the unconvinced. - (American essayist)
Pessimism	A pessimist is simply an optimist in full possession of the facts.
Pessimists	Pessimist: one who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.
Pessimists	A pessimist thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
Pessimists	A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
Pests	One thing worse than self-hatred is chiggers.
petroleum	Relatively little of Iraq's oil has been pumped, most of it is still in the ground.
Philadelphia	Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
Philadelphia	Philadelphia: all the filth and corruption of a big city; all the pettiness and insularity of a small town.
Philadelphia	Philadelphia, a metropolis sometimes known as the City of Brotherly Love, but more accurately as the City of Bleak November Afternoons.
Philadelphia	I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
Philanthropy	Philanthropy is the refuge of rich people who wish to annoy their fellow creatures.
Philanthropy	Take egotism out, and you would castrate the benefactors. - (on Philanthropy)
Philosopher	There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers.
Philosophers	There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it.
Philosophy	There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker.
Philosophy	The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it. - (The Philosophy of Logical Atomism)
philosophy	The only 'ism' that has ever been justifed is pessimism
Philosophy	One may climb the highest mountain - one step at a time.
Philosophy	The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.
Philosophy	We only acknowledge small faults in order to make it appear that we are free from great ones.
Philosophy	Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
Philosophy	As flattering friends pervert, so reproachful enemies mostly correct. - (from Confessions)
Philosophy	I don't take myself too seriously. I save that for things like death and divorce.
Philosophy	We always look up for leadership; we seldom look horizontally, we seldom look down.
Philosophy	I don't take myself too seriously. I save that for things like death and divorce.
Philosophy	Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
Philosophy	It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
Philosophy	If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played much better than it is.
Philosophy	They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is much more complicated than that. - (Professional Golfer)
Philosophy	If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. - (Professional Golfer)
Philosophy	Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
Philosophy	If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. - (Professional Golfer)
Philosophy	Golf ans sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them. - (Professional Golfer)
Philosophy	Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them. - (Professional Golfer)
Philosophy	Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
Philosophy	It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Philosophy	If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - (Actor)
Philosophy	The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
Philosophy	Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. - (Catholic Bishop)
Philosophy	Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. - (professional golfer)
Philosophy	That was Zen; this is Tao.
Philosophy	No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be. - (Scientist and writer)
Philosophy	Knowing what Thou knowest not Is in a sense Omniscience - (poet and scientist)
Philosophy	What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out, which is the exact opposite. - (philosopher, mathematician, author, Nobel laureate)
philosophy, lifestyle, moderation	Live hardy, eat lightly. - (Artist)
Philosophy/Belief	Every name has something immortal and eternal about it which defies time - (from The Gates of the Forest)
Philosophy/Beliefs	It is always dangerous to talk. A man says yes, a man says no, and finally he ends up saying almost anything to fill up the silence and stop the beating of his heart. - (from The Gates of the Forest)
Physicists	A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
Physics	This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.
Physics	Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate a fig 39.37 inches/sec
Pioty	Campbell is a good man, a pious man. I am afraid he has not been inside a church for many years; but he never passes a church without pulling off his hat. This shows that he has good principles.
Pity	Better to be hated for one's successes than pitied for one's mistakes.
Plagerism	When a thing has been said and well, have no scruple. Take it and copy it.
plagiarism	If you steal ideas from one person, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research.
Planning	There's nothing I am worse at than long-term planning.
Planning	While you're thinking outside the box, better have the box cleaned out by the end of the day -- you're fired.
Pleasure	People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.
Pleasure	I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure.
PMS	Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
Poetry	Johnson was asked whether Derrick or Smart was the best poet?' Johnson at once felt himself rouzed; and answered, 'Sir, there is no settling the point of precedency between a louse and a flea.'
Poetry	Most people ignore most poetry because most poetry ignores most people.
Poetry	There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.
Poetry	In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Poetry	I know that poetry is indispensable, but to what I could not say.
Poetry	All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling.
Poetry	Poetry is a religion without hope.
Poetry	Poetry and consumption are the most flattering of diseases.
Poetry	Ordering a man to write a poem is like commanding a pregnant woman to give birth to a red-headed child. - (poet and biographer)
Poetry	There are people who barely feel poetry, and they are generally dedicated to teaching it.
Poetry	We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. - (the movie; Robin Williams)
Poets	You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.
Poets	In the case of many poets, the most important thing for them to do . . . is to write as little as possible.
Poets	A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child.
Poets	Poets, like whores, are only hated by each other.
Police	We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
Police	Only in a police state is the job of a policeman easy.
Policymakers	A policymaker is a National Intelligence Estimate's way of making another National Intelligence Estimate.
Polished writing	Not that the story need be long, but it will take a long while to make it short.
Politcs	Republicans believe every day is 4th of July, but Democrats believe every day is April 15.
Political base	A rising tide raises all yachts. - (US federal government economic philosophy)
Political payoff	This is an impressive crowd: the Haves and Have-mores. Some people call you the elites. I call you my base.
Politicians	The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
Politicians	Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them.
Politicians	The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.
Politicians	The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
Politicians	An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
Politicians	Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either.
Politicians	Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
Politicians	A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
Politicians	One has to be a lowbrow, a bit of a murderer, to be a politician, ready and willing to see people sacrificed, slaughtered, for the sake of an idea, whether a good one or a bad one.
Politicians	A politician is a person with whose politics you don't agree; if you agree with him he is a statesman.
Politicians	I once said cynically of a politician, "He'll double-cross that bridge when he comes to it."
Politicians	Politicians are like monkeys. The higher they climb up the tree, the more revolting are the parts they expose.
Politicians	In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur."
Politicians	I went to the store the other day to buy a bolt for our front door, for as I told the storekeeper, the Governor was coming here. Aye, said he, and the Legislature too. Then I will take two bolts, said I.
Politicians	Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
Politicians	Politicians are a lot like diapers: they should be changed frequently, and for the same reason.
Politics	The word politics is derived from the word poly, meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
Politics	Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
Politics	I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.
Politics	Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.
Politics	In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.
Politics	Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
Politics	I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
Politics	When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.
Politics	Anybody who wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
Politics	And they that rule in england /n In stately conclave met, n Alas, alas for England /n They have no graves as yet.
Politics	The strongest poison ever known Came from Caesar's laurel crowne.
Politics	I think for my part one half of the nation is mad- and the other not very sound.
Politics	Every reform is only a mask under cover of which a more terrible reform, which dares not yet name itself, approaches.
Politics	One should never put on one's best trousers to go out to batle for freedom and truth.
Politics	You can fool some of the people all of the time, and those are the ones you have to concentrate on.
Politics	There are two things that are important in politics. The first is money, and I can't remember what the second one is.
Politics	He that changes his party by his humour is not more virtuous than he that changes it by his interest; he loves himself rather than truth.
Politics	In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for, as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican
Politics	After a long life, I have come to the conclusion that when all the establishment is united, it is always wrong
Politics	I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican.
Politics	Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects.
Politics	Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them.
Politics	Politics is applesauce.
Politics	I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Politics	It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember.
Politics	The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
Politics	Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important.
Politics	Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.
Politics	Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.
Politics	Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.
Politics	Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House?
Politics	Murphy Brown is doing better than I am. At least she knows she still has a job next year.
Politics	Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
Politics	We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
Politics	Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate.
Politics	The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
Politics	You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions.
Politics	It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.
Politics	Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen.
Politics	Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything.
Politics	I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends - that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.
Politics	Politics, n. strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
Politics	Politics is the diversion of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.
Politics	The standard of intellect in politics is so low that men of moderate mental capacity have to stoop in order to reach it.
Politics	All politics are based on the indifference of the majority.
Politics	Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatalbe.
Politics	Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory.
Politics	The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.
Politics	One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.
Politics	We need anything politically important rationed out like PEZ: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.
Politics	Falling in the sanctimonious smugness of complete control is a sure sign of senility. - (Poet)
Politics	I have too much compassion to be a conservative and too much sense to be a liberal.
politics	After all is said and done, more is said than done.
Politics	Libertarian: Someone who believes people should take care of themselves, especially when they can't.
Politics	He is a man of splendid abilities, but utterly corrupt. Like rotten mackeral by moonlight, he shines and stinks. - (late 18th-early 19th Century American Politician and Philosopher)
politics	To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.
Politics	A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
Politics	I polled my associates to see if they are as liberal as people think, but this year they were almost equally split: half favored Kerry, and half hated Bush.
Politics	No Vietcong ever called me a nigger. - (in 1966)
Politics	Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. - (comedienne, actress)
Politics	Under every stone lurks a politician.
Politics	In 2004 we didn't have a real election; it was just station identification.
politics	"It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first."
Politics	It's amazing how people enter politics to help and end up helping themselves.
Politics	The most telltale distinction between Republicans and Democrats is their preference between ways of resolving international issues -- reliance on force, or diplomacy.
Politics	There is no city in the United States in which I get a warmer welcome and fewer votes than Columbus, Ohio.
Politics	Now see, a lot of critics are saying Arnold can't get elected because he's just an ambitious guy with a famous name, who doesn't know anything about running the government. Didn't hurt George Bush.
Politics	When you start off by telling those who disagree with you that they are not merely in error but in sin, how much of a dialog do you expect?
Politics	The difference between politics and chemistry? Nobody fools around in a chem lab.
Politics	The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow "Operation Re-elect Bush" doesn't seem to be popular.
Politics	In an effort to make the Bush environmental record look good, former Interior secretary Gail Norton announced that under the Bush administration there are now more wetlands than at any time since 1954. Well, yeah, if you count New Orleans.
Politics	The military don't start wars. The politicians start wars. - (Army General)
Politics	A politician's success is measured by his ability to get elected. If he's good at that, he doesn't have to be good at anything else.
Politics	If you can't say something nice about someone....you must be talking about Hillary Clinton. (Jeff Foxworthy) - (Blue Collar Comedy Tour)
Politics	Politics: "Poli" a Latin word meaning "many," and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures."
Politics	Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Politics	No man will ever bring out of the Presidency the reputation which carries him into it.
Politics	Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you.
Politics	I would have made a good Pope.
Politics	The Primary pupose of a mediocer mind is to stifle that of greatness.
politics	The more corrupt the republic, the more numerous the laws.
Politics	I respect those who resist me, but I cannot tolerate them.
Politics	Did you hear about the big collision that happened today? Yeah, a bunch of Republicans running away from Bush ran into a bunch of Democrats running away from Kerry.
Politics	Jay Leno (interviewing a "presidential candidate"): If you are elected, what do you plan to do about the Shiites? Candidate: Immodium!
Politics	Nancy Pelosi is the Speaker of the House, second in the line of successors to George W. Bush, just a heartbeat away from a man who barely has a heartbeat.
Politics	When the final chapter is written on Lubbock, Texas it will likely be Chapter Thirteen. - (Somethin' is always cookin' in Lubbock)
Politics	Senator John Kerry announced today that he would not run for President in 2007; it just isn't the right time. Why isn't it the right time? It's an election year.
Politics	So? - (when told of anti-war opinion polls)
Politics	In politics the middle way is none at all.
Politics	Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so. - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Bertrand Russell Education Men are born ignorant, not stupid; they are make stupid by education. - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) - Bertrand Russell Bible So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Bertrand Russell Reason It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Bertrand Russell Fathers The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Bertrand Russell Fanatics The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Bertrand Russell Men Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occured to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths. - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Bertrand Russell Knowledge There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge. - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Bertrand Russell Partiotism Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons. - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Bertrand Russell Movements All movements go too far. - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Bertrand Russell Beliefs I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Bertrand Russell Happiness Few people can be happy unless they hate some other person, nation or creed. - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Bertrand Russell Life Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Bertrand Russell Morality The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is the delight of moralists -- that is why they invented hell. - Bertrand Russell Bertrand Russell Honesty Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man. - Bertrand Russell - (Philospher and Philanthropist)
Politics	Dan Quayle and George W. Bush: the worst jackasses that ever disgraced the American political scene.
Politics	"If you can rob Peter to pay Pablo, Maria, Deshawn and Shawnika you will always have the support of Pablo, Maria, Deshawn and Shawnika."
Politics	You don't need to boo, you just need to vote. - ((after making and anti-McCain comment))
Politics	Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.
Politics	I don't disagree with John McCain on everything; I respect his occasional displays of civility.
Politics	After Iraq, then Afghanistan.
politics	What neither political party has ever learned is the most basic of all lessons: When you make someone else's character the issue, your own character becomes the issue too. - ((aka David Gerrold))
Politics	I'm not going to tell you this plan is perfect … it was produced in Washington …
politics	They're as poorly written as cell-phone instructions. - (newsman, re ballot amendments)
Politics	Reporter, to candidate: Do you think you can get Republicans and Democrats to work together? Candidate: I'm running for Governor, not God.
Politics	The proposition that the people are the best keepers of their own liberties is not true. They are the worst conceivable, they are no keepers at all; they can neither judge, act, think, or will, as a political body. - (2nd U.S. President)
Politics	The vice-presidency isn't worth a pitcher of warm piss - (Vice-President of the United States)
Politics	Pie in the Sky Doesn't Satisfy
Politics	The problem with liberals is that they have never eaten with their own teeth.
Politics	Democrats are people who will give the shirt off your back
Politics	Democrats are people who will give another the shirt off your back.
Politics and religion	The last time we mixed politics with religion, people got burned at the stake.
Politics, Cats, Animals, Pets	Yellow Cat, Black Cat, As Long as it Catches Mice, It's a Good Cat. - (Leader of China)
Pollution	I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
Pollution	There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
Pollution	Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.
Popularity	I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts.
Pornography	I don't think pornography is very harmful, but it is terribly, terribly boring.
Positivity	To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Possessions	The want of a thing is perplexing enough, but the possession of it is intolerable.
Possessions	You can get everything in life you want, as long as you help enough other people get what they want.
Possessions	Every increased possession loads us with new weariness.
Possibilities	If an elderly but distinguished scientist says that something is possible he is almost certainly right, but if he says that it is impossible he is very probably wrong.
Poverty	If the mother of crime be poverty, then the father is deficiency of intellect.
Poverty	There is no being so poor and so contemptible, who does not think there is somebody still poorer, and still more contemptible.
Poverty	It is only the poor who are forbidden to beg.
Poverty	The poor don't know that their function in life is to exercise our generostiy.
Poverty	It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.
Poverty	A majority of working poor are American citizens, but some are immigrants, both legal and illegal, whose labor is essential to the country’s growth and comfort.
Poverty	Nobody who works hard should be poor in America.
Poverty	Could you from all the world all wealth procure, more would remain, whose lack would leave you poor.
Poverty	Poverty consists not in the decrease of one's possessions, but in the increase of one's greed.
Poverty	Poverty is the worst form of violence.
Poverty	Anyone who has ever struggled with poverty knows how extremely expensive it is to be poor. - (Novelist)
Poverty	I have friends who keep telling me how much it costs them to keep me in poverty.
Power	All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power
Power	All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.
Power	It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power.
Power	Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
Power	Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
Power	Power is a wonderful thing that people without it like to say corrupts people with it.
Power	We have, I fear, confused power with greatness.
Power	When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.
Power	Silence is the ultimate weapon of power.
Power	Power is always dangerous. Power attracts the worst and corrupts the best.
Power	I googled the quote 'Power means not having to respond.' Nothing happened.
Praise	He who praises everybody, praises nobody.
Praise	The meanest, most contemptible kind of praise is that which first speaks well of a man, and then qualifies it with a "but."
Praise	The refusal of praise is actually the wish to be praised twice.
Prayer	O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
Prayer	I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it.
Prayer	Pray, v. To ask the laws of the universe to be nulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Prayer	Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living.
Prayer	God answers all prayers. Sometimes the answer is no.
Prayer	Prayers are to men as dolls are to children. They are not without use and comfort, but it is not easy to take them seriously.
Precosity	If children grew up according to early indications, we should have nothing but geniuses.
Predators	An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Predjudice	Nobody outside of a baby carriage or a judge's chamber believes in an unprejudiced point of view.
Prejudice	I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Prejudice	I don't like principles. I prefer prejudices.
Prejudice	A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Prejudice	Never try to reason the prejudice out of a man. It was not reasoned into him, and cannot be reasoned out. - (English essayist)
Preparedness	One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is "to be prepared."
Preparedness	The questions on your final exam will have short answers if you know what you're doing. They're even shorter if you don't.
Preservation	Keep it like it was. - ("The Monkey Wrench Gang")
Presidency	As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron. - (Journalist)
President	Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'...they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git'....
President	We need a president who's fluent in at least one language.
Presidents	These presidential ninnies should stick to throwing out baseballs and leave the important matters to serious people
Pretending	You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
Principles	Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Principles	When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he hasn't the slightest intention of putting it into practice.
Principles	If one sticks too rigidly to one's principles, one would hardly see anybody.
Principles	It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
Principles	You can't learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency.
Priorities	First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
Priorities	I've never left a concert to go fight a fire, but I have left a fire to go to a concert. - (also an honorary Boston fireman)
Priorities	What an absurd thing it is to pass over all the valuable parts of a man, and fix our attention on his infirmities.
Priorities	If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.
Priorities	Some people are so obsessed with the here-after that they give little thought to the here-and-now.
Priorities	The priority of our environment needs to be brought into equity with that of our economy and our defense. - (Secretary of Interior)
Priorities	Give me my golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air.
Priorities	It will be a great day when the schools get all the money they need, and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber.
Privilage	Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.
problem solving	If you can talk brilliantly about a problem, it can create the consoling illusion that it has been mastered.
Problem solving	The significant problems we face today cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
Problems	For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong
Problems	An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.
Problems	I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
Problems	No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it.
Problems	If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
Problems	There are very few personal problems which cannot be solved by the suitable application of high explosives.
Problems	If you have any problems at all, don't hesitate to shut up.
Procrastination	Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Procrastination	There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.
Procrastination	Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
procrastination	The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
Procrastination	What can be done at any time will be done at no time.
procrastination	It's a job that's never started that takes the longest to finish.
Prodigy	A prodigy is a child who plays the paino when he ought to be in bed.
Profanity	Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
Professions	All professions are conspiracies against the laity.
Programming	Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Progress	Natives of the Fiji Islands kill their parents when they are old. In this way they assist progress, while we retard it by founding academies.
Progress	Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
Progress	I have always considered that the substitution of the internal combusion engine for the horse marked a very gloomy milestone in the progress of mankind.
Progress	Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.
Progress	What we call 'Progress' is the exchange of one nuisance for another nuisance.
Progress	Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.
Progress	Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
Progress	Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow.
Progress	It's called a barrier until someone breaks it. Then it's called history.
Progress	Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good. - ( Is Reality Optional?)
Progress	The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.
Progress	Every country that has caught up has done it by copying.
Progress	We are in great haste to construct a magnetic telegraph from Maine to Texas; but Maine and Texas, it may be, have nothing important to communicate.
Progress	Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.
Prohibition	When I sell liquor, it's called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on Lake Shore Drive, it's called hospitality.
Promises	The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Property	for he who leaves as much as another can make use of, does as good as taking nothing at all. - (Second Treatise of Government)
Proselyting	The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savages -- as if the savages weren't dangerous enough already.
Prosperity	Everything in the world may be endured except continued prosperity.
Protocol	Don't ask me any questions, smarty-pants. I'll ask the questions, you give the answers.
Proverbs	The big thieves hang the little ones.
Proverbs	A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs.
Proverbs	The reverse side also has a reverse side.
Proverbs	A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
Psychiatrists	Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
Psychiatrists	After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'
Psychiatrists	A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
Psychiatrists	I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.
Psychiatry	Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings.
Psychiatry	Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.
psychics	If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
Psychologists	A magician pulls rabbits out of hats. An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.
Public	There is not a more mean, stuipd, dastardly, pitiful, selfish, spiteful, ungrateful animal than the public. It is the greatest of cowards, for it is afraid of itself.
Public Relations	Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.
Pun	When it comes to picking your detective, there's no police like Holmes.
Punctuality	Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.
Punctuality	The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
Punishment	But thus do I counsel you, my friends: distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful!
Punishment	When I came back to Dublin I was court-martialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
Puritanism	Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Puritans	The Puritans nobly fled from a land of despotism to a land of freedim, where they could not only enjoy their own religion, but could prevent everybody else from enjoyin his. - ((Charles Farrar Browne))
Purity	I'm as pure as the driven slush.
put down	Do you come from a long line of idiots?
Putdown	Sir, don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.
puzzler	f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
Quality	As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
Quality	Anything not worth doing is worth not doing well. Think about it.
Quality	Doing a thing well is often a waste of time.
Quality of life	I have tried to live my life so that my family would love me and my friends respect me. The others can do whatever the hell they please.
Quarrelling	Quarrels would not last long if the fault were only on one side.
Queasy	Astronauts on board the International Space Station are trying to fix the machine that turns urine into drinking water. Well, actually, the urine converter was fixed days ago, but the astronauts keep saying, "You try it." "No, you try it." - (talk show host)
Quest	Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after.
Questioning	What if this weren't a hypothetical question?
Questioning	The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Questions	It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.
Quick wit	He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Quotation	Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Quotations	It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations.
Quotations	I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
Quotations	A book of quotations . . . can never be complete.
Quotations	Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted.
Quotations	Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly.
Quotations	I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.
Quotations	Have you ever observed that we pay much more attention to a wise passage when it is quoted than when we read it in the original author? - ( "The Intellectual Life")
Quotations	He wrapped himself in quotations- as a beggar would enfold himself in the purple of Emperors.
Quotations	If an anthology of quotations is a museum of utterances, the most illuminating will tend to be of the Mütter variety.
Quotes	The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
Race	Just being a Negro doesn't qualify you to understand the race situation any more than being sick makes you an expert on medicine.
Race relations	Just being a Negro doesn't qualify you to understand the race situation any more than being sick makes you an expert on medicine.
Racing	It's basically the same, just darker. - (on auto racing at night)
Racism	I am really enjoying the new Martin Luther King Jr stamp -- just think about all those white bigots, licking the backside of a black man.
Racism	Come on now! You kick out the gooks, the next thing you know, you have to kick out the chinks, the spicks, the spooks, the kikes and all that's going to be left is a couple of brain-dead rednecks. - (– Good Morning Vietnam)
Radio	The radio business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs. Then there's also a negative side.
Randomness	The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
Rap Music , Global Warming	Rap music is irrefutable proof of global warming.
Rdiculousness	The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.
Readiness	We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.
Reading	The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
Reading	If you believe everything you read, better not read.
Reading	I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
Reading	Reading, after a certain age, diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits. Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking.
Reading	Many college textbooks, which were a weariness and stumbling block when I studied, I have since read a little with pleasure and profit.
Reading	I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Reading	I never move my lips when I'm reading. But sometimes what I'm reading moves my lips.
Real life	The trouble with real life is that there's no danger music.
Real men	Real men don't set for stun.
Realism	Realism...has no more to do with reality than anything else.
Realism	A realist is one who knows that the pessimist is right.
Realism	Realist, n. A person who stands somewhere between an optimist and a pessimist.
Reality	Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away
Reality	Reality is something you rise above.
Reality	Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
Reality	I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, and I'm happy, Doctor, I finally won out over it.
Reality	Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
Reality	Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
Reality	There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed.
Reality	For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled.
Reality	I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
Reality	Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it.
Reality	Many live in the ivory tower called reality; they never venture on the open sea of thought. - (journalist)
Reality	Dese are de conditions dat prevail.
Reality	Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
Reality	If it isn't conductive to god or the gods! Don't do it! - ( Smell the flowers)
Reality	Reality is the craziest thing I've ever imagined. - ((unknown self))
Reason	Our prejudicies are our mistresses; reason is at best our wife, very often needed, but seldom minded.
Reason	Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form.
Reason	It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.
Reason	Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
Reason	Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
Reason	Reason has seldom failed us because it has seldom been tried.
Reasons	Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?
Records	I always thought the record would stand until it was broken.
Redundancy	This is like deja vu all over again.
Refinement	A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials. - (Roman philosopher)
Reflection	Whatever sentence will bear to be read twice, we may be sure was thought twice.
Regret	Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.
Regrets	My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Rejection	You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.
Relationships	Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
Relationships	The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one.
Relationships	A man is basically as faithful as his options. - (Comedian, Actor)
Relationships	Living together is like leasing a car with the option of buying it.
Relationships	If you are trying to build a relationship with someone who tells you that he or she has issues, don't subscribe. You're not building newstands.
Relationships	You don't look anything like your reflection. - (From the short story collection)
Relationships	How subtle in manner moves the hand of implied immediacy towards a persuasion provided by one and executed as such designed to obtain by sheer personal authority and wont the custodial privilege of anothers dominion for their own exploited use.
Relativity	Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
Relgiion	Preach the Gospel at all times. Use words if necessary.
Religion	God does not sympathize with the popular movements.
Religion	I never saw, heard, or read that the clery were beloved in any nation where Christianity was the religion of the country. Nothing can render them popular but some degree of persecution.
Religion	Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.
Religion	The pencil of the Holy Ghost hath laboured more indescribing the afflictions of Job than the felicties of Solomon.
Religion	They be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.
Religion	It is said that God is always on the side of the big battalions.
Religion	If Jesus Christ were to come to-day, people would not even crucify Him. They would ask Him to dinner, and hear what he ha to say, and make fun of it.
Religion	Oh God, Thy pity must have been prodound when this miserable world arose from chaos!
Religion	We have just enought religion to hate, but not enought to love one another.
Religion	The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.
Religion	The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.
Religion	I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father's religion, if they can find out what it is.
Religion	I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth.
Religion	People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. - (from "Dave Barry Turns 50")
Religion	I know I am God because when I pray to him I find I am speaking to myself.
Religion	Is it really god who created man or is it man who created god
Religion	We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing all-powerful God, who creates faulty humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes.
Religion	There is not enough religion in the world to destroy the world's religions.
Religion	As the caterpiller chooses the fairest leaves to lay her eggs on, so the priest lays his curse on the fairest joys. - ('Proverbs of Hell')
Religion	I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible -- for loopholes.
Religion	My dear child, you must believe in God in spite of what the clergy tell you.
Religion	The religions we call false were once true.
Religion	With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. - (American physicist)
Religion	Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction. - (French mathematician, physicist)
Religion	Historically, fundamentalism referred to those 20th century American Protestants who reacted negatively to science and acted militantly against and reading of the Bible other than a wooden literal reading. Today, fundamentalism is a description applied to militant extremists who demand that others embrace their way or hit the highway. - (Director, Baptist Center for Ethics, Nashville)
Religion	Why do born-again people so often make you wish they'd never been born the first time?
Religion	Incurably religious, that is the best way to describe the mental condition of so many people.
Religion	Christianity was destroyed by religion.
Religion	The way Satan and his minions conspired for mankind to lose faith was that they created religion.
Religion	Religion is a magic device for turning unanswerable questions into unquestionable answers.
Religion	The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
Religion	Holy war inflames religion into arrogance. - (Author of American Theocracy)
Religion	God please save me from your followers.
religion	“All religions are the same. It’s just that some are practiced in church, some at the polls, and some in crop circles.”
Religion	How many in the audience are Christians observing Easter? {applause} How many are Jews observing Passover? {applause} How many are Heathens observing Spring Break? {wild sustained applause}
Religion	I think the Moslem faith teaches hate. - (Televangelist)
Religion	With the ever-growing impact of science on our lives, religion and spirituality have a greater role to play by reminding us of our humanity. There is no contradiction between the two.
religion	I'd rather be in church with them than in hell with them. - (On hypocrites in church)
religion and politics	The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country. - (Evangelist)
Religion churches	To go to a church expecting to find the Divine is like going to a prostitute to find true affection and love. At best, you'll get an aproximation of what you were seeking, you'll end up having to pay for it in time and money and will be ridiculed if you're not completely satisfied with the result.
Religion, Authority	I have the same authority as the Pope. I just don't have the same number of people who believe me.
Religion, Politics	I think, as a nation, we've got to be more closed minded.
Religiosity	We're going to bring back God and the Bible and drive the gods of secular humanism right out of the public schools of America.
Religon	Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.
Religon	The opposite of the religious fanatic is not the fanatical atheist but the gentle cynic who cares not whether there is a god or not.
Remedy	If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.
Remembering	I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names -- and I can't remember what the third thing is.
Repentance	Repentance is not so much remorse for what we have done as the fear of the consequences.
Repentance	If I repent of anything it is likely to be my good behavior.
Repetition	Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth.
Reputation	Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was.
Reputation	One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation.
Reputation	Reputation is an idle and most false imposition; oft got without merit, and lost without deserving.
Research	A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in the library.
Research	Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing.
Research	Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind.
Research	I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.
Research	Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind.
Research	In France, a chemist named Pilatre de Rozier tested the flammability of hydrogen by gulping a mouthful and blowing across an open flame, proving at a stroke that hydrogen is indeed explosively combustible and that eyebrows are not necessarily a permanent feature of one's face.
Research	When I have clarified and exhausted a subject, then I turn away from it, in order to go into darkness again. - (Mathematician)
Research	I have had my results for a long time: but I do not yet know how I am to arrive at them. - (Mathematician)
Research	You know that I write slowly. This is chiefly because I am never satisfied until I have said as much as possible in a few words, and writing briefly takes far more time than writing at length. - (mathematician)
Resistance	If we resist our passions, it is more due to their weakness than our strength.
Resistence	Resist much. Obey little.
Resources	640K ought to be enough for anybody. - (1981)
respect	Lack of respect has to be earned.
Respectability	The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is. - ("Man and Superman" (1903), act I)
Responsibility	Don't point fingers. Point thumbs.
Retirement	Retirement is experienced in three stages: (1) Go Go (2) Go Slow (3) No Go.
Retirement	I'm retired. I was tired yesterday, and I'm tired again today.
Revelation	I read and walked for miles at night along the beach, writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life. It never crossed my mind that that person could be me.
Revenge	Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge. - (in Dilbert)
Revenge	There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. - ((Henry Wheeler Shaw))
Revolution	Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
Reward	You do this right and I'll get you an old dog to kick. - ((a line from the film))
Rich	Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
Rich and poor	What troubles the poor is the money they can't get, and what troubles the rich is the money they can't keep.
Rich vs. poor	The rich would have to eat money if the poor did not provide food.
Riddles	If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Ridiculous	One day, I hope in the next ten years, I trust that we will have more Christian day schools than there are public schools. I hope I will live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won't have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them. What a happy day that will be!
right and wrong	What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong. - (comedian)
right and wrong	I'm sorry. If you were right, I'd agree with you.
Rights	The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
Roles	Sometimes you're the dog, other times the hydrant.
Rules	Hell, there are no rules here-- we're trying to accomplish something.
Rules	No dogs allowed (except seeing-eye dogs). - (sign on a post office)
Rules	Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.
Rules	I believe in rules. If there weren't any, how could you break them? - (Major league baseball manager)
Rumors	A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.
Running	It's unnatural for people to run around city streets unless they are theives or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog out after him.
rush hour	Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Russian reversal	In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.
Sacred cows	Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
Sacrifice	I am as content to die for God's eternal truth on the scaffold as in any other way.
Safe House	What good is a safe house if the sidewalk's dangerous?
Safety	Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of.
Saftey	There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
Saints	The only difference between saints and sinners is that every saint has a past while every sinner has a future.
Saints	Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proved innocent.
Saints	Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
Salary	People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of us only make $500,000.
Sales point	Great for general dirt. - (about a vacuum cleaner)
San Francisco	'Ell of a place. 'Ell of a place! I never come here again. - (On San Francisco)
Sand Creek massacre	All my relations, remember, only the rocks on earth stay forever. - (Cheyenne-Arapahoe chief)
Sanity	I don't really trust a sane person.
Sanity	Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy.
Sanity	The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
Sanity	You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt.
Sanity	Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer?
Santa	I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
sappy	How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
Satire	You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
Satire	A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.
Satire	Satire that a censor can understand deserves to be suppressed.
Satire	People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.
Satisfaction	To love what you do and feel that it matters - how could anything be more fun?
Saving	Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.
Saying	I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle.
Scandal	Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.
Scandal	A little public scandal is good once in a while. It takes the tension out of the news.
School	In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
School	In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?
School	School a hundred years ago was about teaching children to repeat something they didn't understand. Today, it is about teaching them to repeat something they don't understand and convincing them that they do.
Schools	The school is the last expenditure upon which America should be willing to economize.
Science	The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...'
Science	My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted
Science	Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof.
Science	There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
Science	He: Let's end it all, bequeathin' our brains to science. She: What?!? Science got enough trouble with their OWN brains.
Science	Since the mathematicians invaded the theory of relativity, I do not understand it myself anymore.
Science	Almost everything that distinguishes the modern world from earlier centuries is attributable to science, which achieved its most spectacular triumphs in the seventeenth century.
Science	The whole of science is nothing more than the refinement of everyday thinking.
Science	Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it.
Science	1. We never are definitely right, we can only be sure we are wrong. (p. 152) 2. We are trying to prove ourselves wrong as quickly as possible, because only in that way can we find progress. (p. 152) 3. You cannot prove a vague theory wrong. (p. 152) 4. The problem is not just to say something might be wrong; but to replace it by something – and that is not so easy. (p. 155) 5. Science is only useful if it tells you about some experiment that has not been done; it is no good if it only tells you what just went on. (p. 158) 6. It is not unscientific to make a guess, although many people who are not in science think it is. (p. 159) It is scientific only to say what is more likely and what less likely, and not to be proving all the time the possible and impossible. - (Physicist and father of the Thermonuclear bomb)
Science & religion	I find it as difficult to understand a scientist who does not acknowledge the presence of a superior rationality behind the existence of the universe, as it is to comprehend a theologian who would deny the advances of science.
Science & religion	Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind. - (physicist)
scientific advance	The pharmaceutical industry hasn't given us an entirely new antibiotic since the 1970s. - (author of A Short History of Nearly Everything)
Scientists	It is a good morning exercise for a research scientist to discard a pet hypothesis every day before breakfast. It keeps him young.
Scientists	I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy.
Scientists	Nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist.
Scorn	There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.
Scottish	Anythin' nae Scottish is cr-r-r-r-ap. - (Saturday Night Live)
Searching	If you don't find it in the index, look very carefully through the entire catalogue.
Seattle	How can you tell when summer has come in Seattle? The rain gets warmer.
Secret Service	The Papal Swiss Guard is like the US Secret Service, only more conservatively dressed.
Secrets	Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Security	Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.
Security Clearances	Jesus doesn't have security clearances. Jesus *is* security clearances.
Seeing	Some things have to be believed to be seen.
Seeing	Seeing is be leaving.
Self	Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves.
SELF -DENIAL	Self-denial doesn’t necessarily make you live longer but it necessarily makes it seem so. - (Author )
self awareness	Always be yourself... unless you suck.
Self centered	Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. - (Screenwriter)
Self esteem	The most silent people are generally those who think most highly of themselves. - (English writer and critic)
Self Respect	In order to preserve your self-respect, it is sometimes necessary to lie and cheat.
Self-Criticism	I am easily influenced. Compared to me a weather vane is Gibralter
Self-deprecation	Laughing at yourself will lengthen your life. Laughing at me will shorten it.
Self-deprecation	When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
Self-love	Statesmen and beauties are very rarely sensible of the gradations of their decay.
Self-love	The ring always believes that the finger lives for it.
Self-love	He who is in love with himself has at least this advantage- he won't encounter many rivals in his love.
Self-love	All censure of a man's self is oblique praise. It is in order to show how much he can spare. It has all the invidiousness of self-praise, and all the reproach of falsehood.
Self-love	Never to talk about oneself is a very refined form of hypocrisy.
Self-love	When love of self is strong, it is seldom unrequited. - (Author COMMENTS USA)
Semantics	Presuming one can be beloved, why then cannot one be behated? Beheaded seems a bit over the top somehow..." - (unknown iconoclast)
Sending a message	If you want to send a message, use Western Union.
senior citizens	Don't worry. Birthdays are good for you: statistics show that it's the people with the most birthdays who live the longest. - (Roman Cathoic priest, Salesian of Don Bosco)
Seriousness	Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.
Seriousness	No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
Sermons	Few sinners are saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.
Services	Drop your trousers here for best results.
Sex	My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.
Sex	Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.
Sex	I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.
Sex	Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Sex	Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
Sex	Sex at noon taxes. - ((a palindrome))
Sex	To err is human- but devine!
Sex	Earlier today Hillary promised that her husband wouldn't be involved in any sex scandals if she were elected president. Also today, Bill Clinton backed Barack Obama.
Sex	From 'device-Stories': d: 'If I'd known you were a virgin, I'd have taken more time!' she: 'If I'd known you had more time, I'd have taken off my pantyhose.' - (neo-sexist)
Sex	From 'device-Stories': d: 'If I'd known you were a virgin, I'd have taken more time!' She: 'If I'd known you had more time, I'd have taken off my pantyhose.' - (neo-sexist)
Sexual orientation	When has a monopoly on durable life-warming love been held by legally wed heterosexuals? - (Theologian)
Shakespear	With the single exception of Homer, there is no eminent writer, not even Sir Walter Scott, whom I can despise so entirely as I despise Shakespeare, when I measure my mind agaist his.
Shakespeare	Exit, pursued by a bear.
Shakespeare	I know not, sir, whether Bacon wrote the works of Shakespeare, but if he did not it seems to me that he missed the opportunity of his life.
Shakespeare	The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good.
Shakespeare	Are the commentators on "Hamlet" really mad, or only pretending to be.
Shakespeare	Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations.
Shakespeare	"Hamlet" is a coarse and barbarous play . . . One might think the work is a product of a drunken savages imagination.
Shakespeare	He is of no age, nor of any religion, or party or profession. The body and substance of his works came out of the unfathomable depths of his own oceanic mind. - (on Shakespeare)
Shaping up	I've dieted and worked out, and now I have the body of a god; unfortunately, it's Buddha.
Sharks	There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool.
Shoes	I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five years.
Shortcomings	Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters.
Shortcomings	Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters.
Silence	Of those who say nothing, few are silent.
Silence	Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Silence	Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Silence	Silence will save me from being wrong (and foolish), but it will also deprive me of the possibility of being right. - (composer)
Silly	I tried sniffing Coke once, but ice cubes went up my nose.
Silly	Listen birds / These signs cost money / So roost awhile / But don't get funny
Sin	The wages of sin are unreported.
Sincerity	The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
Sincerity	It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Sincerity	I am not sincere, even when I say I am not.
Sincerity	A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
Sincerity	Sincerity is an openness of heart that is found in very few people. What we usually see is only an artful disguise people put on to win the confidence of others.
Singing	If a thing isn't worth saying, you sing it.
Skeptics	For the skeptic there remains only one consolation: if there should be such a thing as superhuman law it is administered with subhuman inefficiency.
Skiing	Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
Skill	Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.
Sky-Diving	If at first you don't succeed, so much for sky-diving.
Slavery	Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
Slavery	As I would not be a slave, so would I not be a master. This expresses my idea of democracy. Whatever differs from this, to the extent of the difference, is no democracy.
Slavery	I have borne thirteen children and seen them most all sold off into slavery, and when I cried out with a mother's grief, none but Jesus heard. - (Isabella Baumfree)
Slavery	Against a slave everything is permitted.
Sleep	People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
Sleep	To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.
Sleep	I always sleep like a baby -- you know, wake up every 2 hours and cry.
Sleep	Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
Sleeping	When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
Slumps	Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hittin'.
Small claims court	No, I don't want you to explain; I just want you to answer the question.
Smiling	If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. - (journalist and commentator)
Smoking	Cigarette smoking is a major cause of statistics.
Smoking	Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Smoking	Chinese researchers claim that cigarette smoking can cure hemorrhoids. Well, how deeply do you have to inhale to make that work?
Snobs	An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger.
Snow	A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.
Snow	The Eskimo language has 80 different words for "snow" -- probably all cuss words.
Soaring	Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Social Climbing	Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.
Socialism	Socialism, born and raised in France, is unpersuasive even to the promiscuously persuadable French.
Socialites	Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything.
Society	It is a law of nature that we defend ourselves from one affection only be means of another.
Society	Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble.
Society	It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is absolutely fatal.
Society	Society is divided into two classes, the fleecers and the fleeced.
Society	What men call the social virtues, good fellowship, is commonly but the virtues of pigs in a litter which lie close togheter to keep themselves warm.
Society	We seem to be getting closer and closer to a situation where nobody is responsible for what they did but we are all responsible for what somebody else did.
Society	The greatest moving force in any society is inertia.
Society	Inside prisons, hospitals, and schools, a society's vision and morality are on vivid display against the backdrop of its ideals.
Society	I believe none of what I hear, and half of what I see
Society	Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.
sociologist	A sociologist is a scientist who blames crime on everything and everyone, except the person who commits it.
Solitude	A world from which solitude is extirpated is a very poor ideal. Nor is there much satisfaction in contemplating the world with nothing left to the spontaneous activity of nature.
Soul	We insist our soul is not for sale – as if the owner would tell us.
Space	Outer space is no place for a person of breeding.
Space	There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
Space	It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon. Which raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to.
Space	Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards
Space	Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
Space	For NASA, space is still a high priority.
Spam	Researchers are working on a way to turn raw sewage back into edible food. Well, you thought that Spam was bad the first time around.
Speach	The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to betaken seriously
Speach	I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it.
Speaking	I'm going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose.
Specifications	A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood.
Speech	Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both.
Speech	Give the average man the right to say whatever he wants to say and he will usually say whatever you want him to say.
Speech	Things on the whole are much faster in America; people don't "stand for election," they "run for office."
speech	My great-grandfather used to say to his wife, my great-grandmother, who in turn told her daughter, my grandmother, who repeated it to her daughter, my mother, who used to remind her daughter, my own sister, that to talk well and eloquently was a very great art, but that an equally great one was to know the right moment to stop.
Speeches	It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Speed	It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
Speed control	If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Spelling	I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
Spelling	Nothing you can't spell will ever work.
Spiritualism	The essence of spiritual practice is your attitude toward others.
Spooksplain	Spooksplain v. To explain a classified topic to someone, and having told them, to be required to kill them.
Sport	Football isn't a contact sport, it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.
Sports	Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
Sports	Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die.
Sports	Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
Sports	It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.
Sports	Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings.
Sports	I believe that professional wrestling is clean and everything else in the world is fixed.
Sports	Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject. - (College coach, to a player who got four F's and one D)
Sports	I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Sports	An atheist is a man who watches a Notre Dame-Southern Methodist football game and doesn't care who wins.
Sports	I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them! - (on golf)
Sports	Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing. - (Pro football coach)
Standards	The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.
Statistics	USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
Statistics	42.7% of statistics are made up on the spot.
status	What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.
Stealing	Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby.
stifling influence	The Roman Empire didn't collapse. It choked to death on an overdose of taxes, lawyers, and Christians.
Stinking wealth	If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Stock market	The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.
Stop Me If You	Actually, I haven't heard this one before, but I think I'll go ahead and stop you anyway.
Storytelling	Just because a story might be true is no reason not to tell it.
straight	I'm straight, but not narrow.
Strangers	It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.
Strangers	I have often depended on the blindness of strangers.
Strategy	Secret 29918191. Divide and conquer. Unite and divide.
Straying	We most often go astray on a well trodden and much frequented road.
Streakers	I couldn't tell if the streaker was a man or a woman because it had a bag on its head.
Strength	We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others.
STRENGTH	If adversity is supposed to strengthen us, why is it that those who have suffered the most adversity seem so weak? - (Author "Comments USA")
Stress	I'm handing out a long assignment today. It's due at 3 o'clock. - (a college professor)
Striving	I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it.
Striving	It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required.
Stupid	'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds.
Stupid	Dr. Seuss has a new book out about the Bush presidency, titled Sham I Am.
Stupid	Dr. Seuss has a new book out about the Bush presidency, titled "Sham I Am."
stupid	There is no such thing as separation of church and state in the Constitution. It is a lie of the Left and we are not going to take it anymore.
Stupidity	Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.
Stupidity	Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Stupidity	I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
Stupidity	Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Stupidity	Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Stupidity	It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Stupidity	The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
Stupidity	What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
Stupidity	To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
Stupidity	Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Stupidity	The two most abundant things in the universe are Hydrogren and stupidity.
Stupidity	Dopeler Effect - the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Stupidity	The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. - (German-born American physicist)
Stupidity	Stupid people are generally conservative.
Stupidity	There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.
Stupidity	The world has many finite resources, stupidity is not one of them - ((father, firefighter, mug philosipher))
Stupidity	I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.
Stupidity	My grandmother always told me: beauty fades, but dumb is forever.
Stupidity	Ma'am, you don't get reimbursed for stupidity. Your case is dismissed, goodbye.
Stupidity	Stupidity is not a crime, so you're free to go.
STYLES	In a circus, we see various animals trained to jump through hoops of fire, while in daily life we see those, who have been trained to follow fads and styles, do the same on cue by their trainers as they call the old to be outmoded and the new to be stylish. The difference is that the animals get rewarded for performing while people willingly pay to perform. - (Author- COMMENTS USA)
Subsistence	Once, in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew; and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.
Suburbia	Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
Success	Why be a man when you can be a success?
Success	If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
Success	It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
Success	Those who attempt nothing themselves think every thing easily performed, and consider the unsuccessful always as criminal.
Success	Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
Success	To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
Success	By the time we've made it, we've had it.
Success	The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you.
Success	Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
Success	Nothing fails like success.
Success	Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
Success	My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.
Success	The road to success is filled with women pushing their husbands along. - (Attributed)
Success	Natural talent will abandon you, hard work will take you nowhere, and attitude will get you slapped upside the head.
Success	By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.
Success	If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
Success	Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.
Success	Success in life has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. It's what you do for others.
Success	Sometimes I worry about being a success in a medicore world. - (comedienne, actress)
Success	The trouble with the rat race is that even in you win, you're still a rat. - (comedienne, actress)
Success	There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?
Success	Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
Success	If you don't succeed, at least you are a successful failure.
Success	Success belongs to those who appear to be shallow and superficial as an accident of birth or by shrewd design.
successful women	To be successful, a woman has to be much better at her job than a man.
Suffering	It is impossible for a man to be cheated by anyone but himself.
Suffering	The thought of suicide is a great consuolation: with the help of it one has got throught many a bad night.
Suffering	Melancholy, indeed, should be diverted by every means but drinking.
Suffering	The world gets better every day- then worse again in the evening.
Suffering	A man must swallow a toad every morning if he wishes to be sure of finding nothing still more disgusting before the day is over.
Suffering	The tragegy of life is not so much what men suffer, but rather what they miss.
Suffering	Those who do not complain are never pitied.
Suffering	Where there is leisure for fiction there is little grief.
Suffering	The wretched have no compassion.
Suffering	Those who do not feel pain seldom think that it is felt.
Suffering	Woe is wonderously clinging: the clouds ride by.
Suicide	The thought of sucide is a great consolation; by means of it one gets through many a bad night.
Suicide	Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful: You might as well live.
Superficiality	I can't take a well-tanned person seriously.
Superficialness	I am a deeply superficial person.
Superiority	When people find a man of the most distinguished abilities as a writer their inferior while he is with them, it must be highly gratifying to them.
Superiority	You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light.
Superstition	A superstition is a premature explanation that overstays its time.
Superstitions	It is bad luck to be superstitious.
Supidity	Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Surveillance	The more everyone knows about what everyone is doing, the more what everyone is doing is about knowing this.
Surveillance	I disagree with what you think, but as long as you don't disable your remote neural oscillation monitoring port, I shall defend to the death your right to think it.
Survival	We intend to remain alive. Our neighbors want to see us dead. This is not a question that leaves much room for compromise.
Survival	The Texas version of "Survivor": You have to drive from San Antonio to Dallas with a bumper sticker that says, "I'm a gay atheist vegetarian and I'm here to take your guns."
Survival	The Texas version of "Survivor": You have to drive from San Antonio to Dallas with a bumper sticker that says, "I'm a gay atheist vegetarian and I'm here to take your guns."
Surviving	Everything is survivable, except survival.
Survivor	The Texas version of "Survivor": You have to drive from San Antonio to Dallas with a bumper sticker that says, "I'm a gay atheist vegetarian and I'm here to take your guns."
Sushi	In Mexico we have a word for sushi: Bait.
suspicion	Suspicion is rather a virtue than a fault, as long as it doth like a dog that watcheth, and doth not bite.
suspicion	Nothing looks more suspicious in the eyes of townsfolk, whether red-skinned or white, than a bearded man on foot with a pack on his back.
Symbolism	Is that a dagger or a crucifix I see Held so tightly in your hand?
Sympathy	Everybody wants sympathy, but nobody wants people feeling sorry for them.
Synonyms	A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.
Tact	Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
Tact	Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye.
Tact	Tact is the ability to tell a man he's open-minded when he has a hole in his head.
Tact	Tact is the art of letting people think they know what they're talking about.
Taking turns	Two people can't talk at the same time. When my mouth is moving, it means that you need to be quiet.
Talent	Consulting the rules of composition before taking a photograph is like consulting the laws of gravity before going for a walk. - (American photographer)
Talk	After all is said and done, a lot more will be said than done.
Talk	Of those who say nothing, few are silent.
Talking	Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.
Talking	Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.
Taxation	If a thousand men were not to pay their tax-bills this year, that would not be a violent and bloody measure as it would be to pay them, and enable the State to commit violence and shed innocent blood.
Taxes	Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.
Taxes	The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
Taxes	I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the IRS.
Taxes	The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.
Taxes	On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
Taxes	Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.
Taxes	Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either.
Taxes	A fine is a tax for doing wrong; a tax is a fine for doing well.
Taxes	The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is the taxidermist leaves the skin.
Taxes	I wouldn't mind paying taxes -- if I knew they were going to a friendly country. - (comedian)
Taxes	Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
Taxs	The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.
Teachers	The responsibility teachers bear for the future of America should be part of their training, and we should pay them commensurate with their worth to society.
Teaching	He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.
Teaching	For every person who wants to teach there are approximately thirty people who don't want to learn--much.
Teaching	Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.
teaching	You are to consider me, child, as Socrates, not asking your opinion, but only informing you of mine.
Teaching	Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
teamwork	One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork.
Tears	Let tears flow of their own accord; their flowing is not inconsistent with inward peace and harmony.
Technology	Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.
Technology	Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.
Technology	Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Technology	Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.
Technology	Technology makes it possible for people to gain control over everything, except over technology.
Teddy Kennedy	Every country should have at least one King Farouk. - (on Ted Kennedy)
Telekinesis	All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Telephones	The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys.
Telephones	All phone calls are obscene.
Television	TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
Television	Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home.
Television	MTV is the lava lamp of the 1980's.
Television	Dealing with network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks.
Television	Television has raised writing to a new low.
Television	The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.
Television	It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
Television	Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well-done.
Television	The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.
Television	All television is children's television.
Television	Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked "Brightness," but it doesn't work.
Television	I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.
Television	I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Television	Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Television	Imagine what it would be like if TV actually were good. It would be the end of everything we know.
Television	Television news is like a lightning flash. It makes a loud noise, lights up everything around it, leaves everything else in darkness and then is suddenly gone.
Television	My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.
Television	Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
Television	The great thing about television is that if something important happens anywhere in the world, day or night, you can always change the channel.
Television	Television is regarded as a medium because so little of it is rare or well done.
Television	Sometimes, probably by accident, the networks will actually show a short program segment right in the middle of all their commercials! - (professor & composer)
Television	Clive Barnes Television is the first truly democratic culture - the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want.
Television	When the politicians complain that TV turns the proceedings into a circus, it should be made clear that the circus was already there, and that TV has merely demonstrated that not all the performers are well trained.
Temperament	A bad temper, like Mr. Whistler's paintings, should never be displayed in public.
Temptation	Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Temptation	It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations. - ( "Biographical Studies", 1863)
Temptation	Yield to Temptation. It may not pass your way again.
Terrorism	The U.S. doesn't appreciate that although nearly 3,000 people died during the 9/11 attacks, on that same day 35,000 children died of hunger around the world. I call that economic terrorism. - (1980 Nobel Peace Prize)
Terrorism	The Army That Can Defeat Terrorism doesn't wear uniforms, or call in air strikes. It does battle quietly, clearing minefields and vaccinating children. It undermines military dictatorships and military lobbyists. It subverts sweatshops and special interests. When people feel powerless, it helps them organize for change. When people are powerful, it reminds them of their responsibility.
Terrorism	The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, "Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?"
Terrorism	A definition of terrorism presupposes the terrorism of definition.
test	test test test - (test)
Texas	There's nothing wrong with Texas except Texans.
Texas	If I owned Hell and Texas, I'd rent out Texas and live in Hell. - (a trail-riding cowboy)
THE BEST ADVICE	Advice, that is intended to help others, is best placed along the path that they travel instead of on their doorsteps. - (Author Comments USA)
THE QUESTIONABLE MARK	When some people make their mark in the world, it looks more like graffiti. - (Author- )
The economy	Not rich enough for a tax break.
The future	The future ain't what it used to be.
the future	My visions of the future are always pretty much standard issue. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer and there are flying cars.
The Mind	Banality is a terribly likely consequence of a good mind. That is why in particular it is a female affliction. - (American writer)
the system	If capital and labor ever do get together, it's goodnight for the rest of us. - (humorist)
The Universe	The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.
The World	The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Theatre	She no more thought of the play out of which her part was taken, than a shoemaker thinks of the skin, out of which the piece of leather, of which he is making a pair of shoes, is cut.
Theatre	"Dinner Theatre" a way of positively guaranteeing that both food and theatre will be amateur and mediocre, which means unthreatening and therefore desirable.
Theatre	I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions -- the curtain was up.
Theology	Theology is an attempt to explain a subject by men who do not understand it. The intent is not to tell the truth but to satisfy the questioner. - (American editor, publisher and author)
Theology	Some major churches overemphasize the importance of preaching as a means to increase membership and fail to reach out with compassion to their neighbors in need.
Theology	Three million years from stone to iron weapons, but three thousand years from iron to atomic weapons. Not bad progress that, for a smart ape from Africa. Violence is not the inevitability of human nature but only the normalcy of human civilization. The Christian Bible presents the radicality of a just and nonviolent God repeatedly and relentlessly confronting the normalcy of an unjust and violent civilization. Peace by Victory (Civilization), Peace by Justice (Post-Civilization), or Peace by Death (Anti-Civilization) - It is in the challenge of human evolution that we are called to Post-Civilization, to imagine it, to create it, and to enjoy it on a transfigured earth. - (OD & EMPIRE - Jesus Against Rome, Then and Now)
Theories	In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is
Theories	Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.
Theories	Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true.
Therapy	I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.
Think about it	Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Think hard	My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.
Thinking	A man thinks that by mouthing hard words he understands hard things.
Thinking	Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons
Thinking	Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)
Thinking	If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.
Thinking	Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
Thinking	The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.
Thinking	I want to be alone with my thought. - (From "The Simpsons" cartoon.)
Thinking	Independent thinking does not mean questioning other people's convictions. It means questioning your own.
Thoreaufare	As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.
Thought	The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
Thought	Few people think more than two or three times a year. I've made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.
Thoughts	It is not a bad idea to get in the habit of writing down one's thoughts. It saves one having to bother anyone else with them.
Time	Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening all at once. Lately it doesn't seem to be working.
Time	A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
Time	A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
TIme	Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do
Time	Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.
Time	Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
Time	There is never enough time, unless you're serving it.
TIme	The days of the digital watch are numbered.
Time	Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.
time	If a person gives you his time, he can give you no more precious gift.
Time and space	We are preoccupied with time. If we could learn to love space as deeply as we are now obsessed with time, we might discover a new meaning to the phrase to live like men.
time management	There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
Time Management	Never do today what you can do tomorrow. Something may occur to make you regret your premature action. - (Killed Alexander Hamilton in a duel in 1804.)
Time management	The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
Timidity	When the wayfarer whistles in the dark, he may be disavowing his timidity, but he does not see any the more clearly for doing so.
Timidity	The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get into Harvard.
Toadies	I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.
Today's World	We are living in a world today when lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
Togetherness	The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
Tolerance	It is not easy for authoritarian leaders with deep religious beliefs to be tolerant of the divergent views of others.
Tolerance	I don't like that man. I must get to know him better.
Tools	Men have become the tools of their tools.
Tools	I have bought many tools in the past but only now do I realize that I am a collector rather than a user.
Tools	You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use duct tape.
Tradition	Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the money to do it right.
Traffic	If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.
Travel	Thanks to the Interstate highway system, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.
Travel	The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
Travel	Travel is only glamorous in retrospect.
Travel	In America there are two classes of travel - first class and with children.
Travel	The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.
Travesty	I think it's wrong that the game Monopoly is made by only one company.
Treaties	Treaties are like roses and young girls -- they last while they last.
Trends	I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.
Troubleshooting	Troubleshooting n. The practice of injecting trouble intravenously, typically performed by trouble addicts.
True wealth	A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can let alone.
Trump	Donald Trump said, "Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game." Yeah, right, Donald. But we will bet the farm that if you took the money away from the game, Trump would no longer be playing.
Trust	A person who trusts no one can't be trusted.
Trust	Trust me, I know what I'm officially not doing.
Truth	When in doubt, tell the truth.
Truth	It is a fine thing to face machine guns for immortality and a medal, but isn't it a fine thing too, to face calumny, injustice and loneliness for the truth which makes men free?
Truth	Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
Truth	Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.
Truth	I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.
Truth	If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Truth	I never know how much of what I say is true.
Truth	Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Truth	The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Truth	Any great truth can -- and eventually will -- be expressed as a cliche -- a cliche is a sure and certain way to dilute an idea. For instance, my grandmother used to say, 'The black cat is always the last one off the fence.' I have no idea what she meant, but at one time, it was undoubtedly true.
Truth	I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.
Truth	The public will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth.
Truth	The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
Truth	All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.
Truth	Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
Truth	Truth, like light, blinds. Falsehood, on the contrary, is a beautiful twilight that enhances every object.
Truth	If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that, at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.
Truth	As scarce as truth is, the supply has always exceeded the demand.
Truth	Truth is to the Bible what fiction is to literature.
Truth	With a man, a lie is a last resort; with women, it's First Aid.
Truth	The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear.
Truth	As scarce as truth is, the supply is always greater than the demand. - (American author and humorist)
Truth	If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.
Truth	As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand. - (American humorist)
Truth	Truth goes out the door when rumor comes innuendo.
Truth	All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Truth	Where there is a lull in truth an institution springs up.
Truth	The wayfarer, Perceiving the pathway to truth, Was struck with astonishment. It was thickly grown with weeds. "Ha," he said, "I see that none has passed here In a long time." Later he saw that each weed Was a singular knife. "Well," he mumbled at last, "Doubtless there are other roads."
Truth	Facts and truth really don't have much to do with each other.
Truth	We never fully grasp the import of any true statement until we have a clear notion of what the opposite untrue statement would be.
Truth	You're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view. - (Star Wars author)
Truth	Children say that people are hung sometimes for speaking the truth.
Truth	Even madmen manage to convey unwelcome truths in lonely gibberish.
Truth	I don't know if it happened this way, but I know it's true. - (postscript to a folk legend)
Truth	The friend of all is truth, no matter how unwelcome IT IS on arrival. - (Author COMMENTS USA)
Truth	A platitude is simply a truth repeated until people get tired of hearing it. - (British P.M.)
TRUTH	The friend of all is truth, no matter how unwelcome on arrival. - (Author- COMMENTS USA)
Truth	Truth is rarely an ally of good intentions.
Trying	There are times when the only way to accomplish something is to stop trying.
TV	Television is something the Russians invented to destroy American education.
Tyrrany	A collective tyrant, spread over the length and breadth of the land, is no more acceptable than a single tyrant ensconced on his throne.
U.S. foreign policy	The 9/11 attacks would never have occurred except for the U.S. Government's Middle East policies, which are pretty much dictated by the Jewish-Zionist powers-that-be in the United States. The Zionists boast privately of their power, but they don't want the gentiles talking about it. - (journalist)
U.S. presidency	No man who ever held the office of president would congratulate a friend on obtaining it. - (2nd U.S. president)
Ugliness	Heckler: "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!" Churchill: "Yes, I am; and you are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober."
Ugly	I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.
Ugly	Never pick a fight with an ugly person; they've got nothing to lose.
Understanding	Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
Understanding	It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them.
Understanding	I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it.
Understanding	I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. - (State Department spokesman)
Unease	I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones.
Unhappiness	Men who are unhappy, like men who sleep badly, are always proud of the fact. - (Conquest of Happiness)
United States	There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class.
United States	It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
United States	In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of anything.
United States	The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide-open spaces surrounded by teeth.
Universe	The crux... is that the vast majority of the mass of the universe seems to be missing.
Universe	In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.
Universe	I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Universe	In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time.
Universe	Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.
Universe	I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge.
Universe	There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
Universe	In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
Universe	There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for.
Universe	In reality the universe has no geometry. - (The NSTP ( Non - Spatial Thinking Process ) Theory)
Unnecessary	A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
unrest	From Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic an iron curtain has descended across the Continent. - (first known use of the term “iron curtain”)
Urban planning	"Urban planning" is the science of figuring out how we're going to accommodate all these damned automobiles.
USA	People around the world are no longer convinced that we are a just empire. - (referring to the USA)
USA	People around the world are no longer convinced that we are a just empire. {referring to the USA} - (Irish-American biblical scholar)
USA	One nation, under surveillance.
Useless	In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
Uselessness	Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless.
Users	There are only two industries that refer to their customers as users. - (Yale professor)
Vacation	A vacation is having nothing to do, and all day to do it in.
Value	Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
Vanity	We are so vain that we even care for the opinion of those we don't care for.
Vegetarianism	I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Vegetarianism	The debauchery in meat meals is an infamous injustice. - (Saint Gregory the Theologian)
Vegetarianism	Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter."
Vegetarianism	Vegetarian -- that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter."
Vegitarians	I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
Vengeance	Allow individuals to seek their own revenge on criminals; they, at least, do it out of hatred. The government does the same thing because they fear the competition.
Vengeance	Nothing is more costly, nothing is more sterile, than vengeance.
Vibrato	In Bach's time, the string players used very little vibrato. How could Bach have 20 children, if he had no vibrato?
Vice	It is a socialist idea that making profits is a vice; I consider the real vice is making losses.
Vice President	All you need to be the Vice President is a blue suit and a pulse. Dick Cheney has shown that you don't even need the pulse.
Vices	The greatest minds are capable of the greatest vices as well as of the greatest virtues. - (philosopher and mathematician)
Violence	Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Violence	Civilization is based on violence. - (Theologian)
Virtual Reality	Good virtual reality makes you forget you're virtually real.
Virtue	It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
Virtue	Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Virtue	First secure an independent income, then practice virtue.
Virtue	A virtuous life is its own punishment.
Virtue	Our virtues are usually just disguised vices.
Virtue	Virtue is not always amiable. - (second President)
Vision	I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. - (Chairman of IBM, 1943)
Vision	The U.S. is the hotbed for the greatest technology the world has ever seen ... We give the Soviets too much credit; they are basically a backward nation with limited technical capabilities ... Why should we fear a people that can't even build a decent tractor? - (U.S. Secretary of Defense, 1956)
Vision	The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.
Vision	What you see, but can't see over, is as good as infinite.
Voltaire	I must give you a piece of intelligence that you perhaps already know -- namely, that the ungodly arch-villain Voltaire has died miserably like a dog -- just like a brute. That is his reward!
volubility	If I'd known how much you talked, I'd never have come out of my coma. -- in Witness for the Prosecution
Voting	Vote early and vote often.
Voting	I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.
W	Legislation is being introduced in Congress to make English the official language of the U.S. President Bush said, "Yeah, that's the goodest news I've heard in a long time."
W	First Lady Laura Bush gave an address promoting the joys of reading. Then the President gave the rebuttal.
W	George W. Bush had his annual physical exam recently. The doctor said the president was in excellent health -- from the neck down.
W	President Bush says his administration will have a solution to global warming within six months. Well, yeah -- it's called winter.
W	Somewhere in Texas a village is missing its idiot.
W	Barack Obama announced that next month he wants to spend a week on vacation in Hawaii. After hearing about it, President Bush said, "I can't believe he's taking another trip to a foreign country."
W	We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like "We have to get rid of dictators," but he's pretty much one himself.
W	(Jay Leno was interviewing “President Bush”): J: May I ask you about official US policy toward some of the countries of Africa? B: Sure, go ahead. J: Kenya. B: Can I what?
W	They have no disregard for human life. - (re terrorists)
Wages	It is not the employer who pays wages -- he only handles the money. It is the product that pays wages.
Wagner	Is Wagner actually a man? Is he not rather a disease? Everything he touchs falls ill. He has made music sick.
Waiting	Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.
Walking	Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Wanger	Wagner's music is better than it sounds
Wanger	I like Wagner's music better than any other music. Itis so loud that one can talk the whole time without people hearing what one says. That is a great advantage.
War	You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war.
War	I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
War	I gave my life for freedom- that I know; For those who bade me fight had told me so.
War	After all, war is, proplerly speaking, the natural condition of humanity.
War	Let him who desires war, prepare for peace.
War	The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.
War	War is a series of disasters which result in a winner.
War	You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.
War	... Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come.
War	I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother.
War	The best defense against the atom bomb is not to be there when it goes off.
War	War is too serious a matter to entrust to military men.
War	My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.
War	I'm not worried about the bullet with my name on it... just the thousands out there marked 'Occupant.'
War	It is well that war is so terrible, or we should get too fond of it.
War	Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining?
War	War is not nice.
War	The quickest way to end a war is to lose it.
War	You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.
War	The idea of all-out nuclear war is unsettling.
War	Wars teach us not to love our enemies, but to hate our allies.
War	Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.
War	Well, I would -- if they realized that we -- again if -- if we led them back to that stalemate only because our retaliatory power, our seconds, or strike at them after our first strike, would be so destructive that they couldn't afford it, that would hold them off.
War	My country can never again afford the luxury of another Montgomery success.
War	At home they give you the chair. Here they give you a medal! - (Spoken from a soldier to an officer during the Zulu War)
War	The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his.
War	Join the army! Meet new people! Kill them!
War	If we lose this war I shall start another in my wife’s name.
War	You may not be interested in war, but war is interested in you. - (born Lev Bronstein)
War	Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. - (U.S. general and 34th president)
War	Nuclear war would really set back cable.
War	... going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. You just leave a lot of useless noisy baggage behind. - (former deputy undersecretary of defense in the first Bush administration)
War	Ladies and gentlemen, there is no more profitable course of action, then to go to war with the United States and lose! - (In, "The Mouse That Roared")
War	We Americans are proud of our military achievements, and war almost invariably brings instant popularity to the President, who changes in the public perception from a beleaguered civilian administrator to a dynamic commander in chief when our brave young men and women go into combat.
War	It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets. - (philosopher)
War	Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country. - (Nazi Reichsmarschall)
War	How good bad music and bad reasons sound when we march against an enemy.
War	Nothing is ever done in this world until men are prepared to kill one another if it is not done.
War	What is human warfare but just this: an effort to make the laws of God and nature take sides with one party.
War	The world in arms is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.
War	If I had known that the Germans would not succeed in constructing the atom bomb, I would never have lifted a finger.
War	Dulce bellum inexpertis [War is delightful to those who have no experience of it]
War	The best strategy is always to be very strong.
War	God is always with the strongest battalion.
War	War makes the victor stupid and the vanquished vengeful.
War	My centre gives way, my right is pushed back, situation excellent, I am attacking.
War	A piece of spaghetti or a military unit can only be led from the front end.
War	War is only fun when you are winning.
War	It’s a small war, God, but it’s the only one we’ve got.
War	War is like love; it always finds a way.
War	War is a trade of kings.
War	War is, at first, the hope that we will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off.
War	It is well that war is so terrible--we shouldn't grow too fond of it.
War	The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
War	War hath no fury like a noncombatant.
War	As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar; it will cease to be popular.
War	No poor bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making other bastards dying for their country.
War	I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.
War	The quickest way to end a war is to lose it.
War	War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
War	If the enemy is in range, so are you!
War	Horses have no patriotism; soldiers fight without bread, but horses insist on oats.
War	An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.
War	Amateurs talk about tactics. Professionals talk about logistics.
War	War does not detemine who is right,it determines who is left.
War	If you are going through hell, keep going.
War	Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
War	It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
War	First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
War	I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.
War	The military don't start wars. Politicians start wars.
War	We can forgive you for killing our sons. But we will never forgive you for making us kill yours. - (to Anwar Sadat just before the peace talks)
War	Only the dead have seen the end of war.
War	The way to win an atomic war is to make certain it never starts.
War	As long as there are men, there will be wars.
War	As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil, it's about gasoline.
War	We always say that victory begets peace, but it never does. - (Roman Catholic theologian)
War	"Holy war" is an oxymoron.
War	You should not agree to have anything to do with weapons of war.
War	There's no difference between one's killing and making decisions that will send others to kill. It's exactly the same thing, or even worse.
War	The statesman who yields to war fever must realize that once the signal is given, he is no longer the master of policy but the slave of unforeseeable and uncontrollable events.
War	I have given instructions that I be informed every time one of our soldiers is killed, even if it is in the middle of the night. When President Nasser leaves instructions that he is to be awakened in the middle of the night if an Egyptian soldier is killed, there will be peace.
War	One day President Roosevelt told me that he was asking publicly for suggestions about what the war should be called. I said at once "The Unnecessary War."
War	The enemy is anybody who is going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on. - (Catch-22)
War	I don't know why you use a fancy French word like détente when there's a good English phrase for it -- cold war.
War	War is a quarrel between two thieves too cowardly to fight their own battle.
War	A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.
War	It is true we have won all our wars, but we have paid for them. We don't want victories anymore.
War	I don't know whether war is an interlude during peace, or peace an interlude during war.
War	We have always said that in our war with the Arabs we had a secret weapon -- no alternative. - (Prime Minister, Israel)
War	Tell me how this ends. - (during invasion of Iraq by U.S. military)
War	Wars are always wars against children. In every war, unforgivable numbers of children die.
War	The enforcement mechanism for the rules of war is usually more war.
War	George W. Bush's method of governing: Ready, fire, aim.
War	We don't accept nuclear weapons; we don't accept the fact that we train men and women to kill each other. We want to disarm human hearts and human beings, one by one, country by country and that's a big task. - (founder of Peace People in Northern Ireland)
war	As long as war is an alternative, it will always be the answer.
War and peace	There never was a good war or a bad peace.
war and peace	If it is true that wars are won by believers, it is also true that peace treaties are sometimes signed by businessmen. - (aviator and author)
War and politics	The tragedy of modern war is that the young men die fighting each other -- instead of their real enemies back home in the capitals.
War, Civilization	You can't say civilization don't advance. For every war, they kill you a new way.
War, Morality	There is only one right in the world and that right is one's own strength.
Warfare	Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Warning	Don't make me come down there again.
Washington	Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
Water	Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
Water	Whiskey's for drinking. Water's for fighting over.
Water	There is no shortage of water in the desert but exactly the right amount -- unless you try to establish a city where no city should be.
Wealth	If all the rich people in the world divided up their money amongst themselves there wouldn't be enough to go around.
Wealth	A little house well filled, a little field well tilled, and a little wife well willed, are great riches.
Wealth	Let me smile with the wise, and feed with the rich.
Wealth	Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.
Wealth	Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them.
Wealth	It is the wretchedness of being rich that you have to live with rich people.
Wealth	The way by which you may get money almost without exception leads downward.
Wealth	I am amazed that anyone who has made a fortune should send for his friends.
Wealth	Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million, but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.
Wealth	Superfluous wealth can buy superfluities only. Money is not required to buy one necessity of the soul.
Wealth	The most striking thing about the rich is the gracious democracy of their manners -- and the crude vulgarity of their way of life.
Wealth	Wealth is the product of man's capacity to think.
wealth	Riches do not delight us so much with their possession, as torment us with their loss.
Wealth and poverty	The hopes of the Republic cannot forever tolerate either undeserved poverty or self-serving wealth.
Wealth and poverty	You can have a million dollars in the bank and be controlled by money. You can have nothing but the shirt on your back and be controlled by money.
Weather	Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Weather	Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Weeds	Weeds are like Jehovah Witnesses, there's no quit in them
Weeds	Weeds are like Jehovah Witnesses, there's no quit in them.
Weirdness	People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.
Whack	The copier is currently out of whack. More whack is on order.
WHAT WE REGARD AS A PROBLEM	It seems as though when we have no major problems, we do as newscasters do; we take small problems and make them large - (Author- COMMENTS USA)
WHERE WISDOM ISN'T	Expecting wisdom from youth is like expecting apples from saplings. - (Author )
Wilderness	If wilderness is outlawed, only outlaws can save wilderness.
Wilderness	No wonder the authorities are so anxious to smother wilderness under asphalt and reservoirs. They know what they're doing; their lives depend on it, and all their rotten institutions.
Wildlife	In my first interview with a Sierra bear we were frightened and embarrassed, both of us, but the bear's behavior was better than mine. - (Naturalist)
Wildlife	I have never yet happened upon a trace of evidence that seemed to show that any one animal was eager for another as much as it was made for itself. - (naturalist)
Will	If I had not some strength of will I would make a first class drunkard.
Wine	Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others.
Wine	Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
Winning	Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
Winning	If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?
Winning	It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
Winning	We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Winning	I've won at every level, except college and pro.
Winning	I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl. - ((See also Matt Millen))
Winning	To win, I’d run over Joe’s Mom, too. - ((see also Joe Jacobi))
Wisdom	Always drink upstream from the herd.
Wisdom	To proportion the eagerness of contest to its importance seems too hard a task for human wisdom. The pride of wit has kept ages busy in the discussion of useless questions, and the pride of power has destroyed armies, to gain or to keep unprofitable possessions.
Wisdom	The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
Wisdom	Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
Wisdom	Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
Wisdom	A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top.
Wisdom	Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
Wisdom	It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
wisdom	We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
wisdom	All this worldly wisdom was once the unamiable heresy of some wise man.
wisdom	It is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things. - (Naturalist)
Wisdom	Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions.
Wishes	I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
wishes	If a man could have half his wishes, he would double his troubles.
Wit	I've heard snappier comebacks from a bowl of Rice Krispies.
Wit	He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike.
Wit	On Lord Chesterfield….'This man I thought had been a Lord among wits; but, I find, he is only a wit among Lords!'
Wit	She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit.
Wit	Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself.
Wit	A witty saying proves nothing.
Wit	Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself.
Wit	Of course, it's very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad-libs.
wit and humor	The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Wives	Such a wife as I want... must be young, handsome. I lay most stress upon a good shape, sensible a little learning will do, well-bread, chaste, and tender. As to religion, a moderate stock will satisfy me. She must believe in God and hate a saint
Women	Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk.
Women	Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Women	I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.
Women	Home is the girl's prison and the woman's workhouse.
Women	The world is full of care, much like unto a bubble; Women and care and care and women, and women and care and trouble.
Women	They are not far from the truth who allege there is no such thing as a good woman. There are only women who have been influenced by good men.
Women	I may not omit those two main plagues and dotages of mankind, wine and women, which have infatuated and besotted millions of people. They go commonly together.
Women	The existence of bad women is, and has always been, due to the existence of good women.
Women	Men know that women are an over-match for them, and therefore they choose the weakest or most ignorant. If they did not think so, they never could be afraid of women knowing as much as themselves.
Women	I pitied a friend before him, who had a whining wife that found every thing painful to her, and nothing pleasing -- "He does not know that she whimpers (says Johnson); when a door has creaked for a fortnight together, you may observe -- the master will scarcely give sixpence to get it oiled."
Women	There is, indeed, nothing that so much seduces reason from vigilance, as the thought of passing life with an amiable woman.
Women	Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little.
Women	I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.
Women	I hate women because they always know where things are.
Women	Sir, a woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all.
Women	I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
Women	Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Women	If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.
Women	I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.
women	From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents; from 18 to 35 she needs good looks; from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.
Women	The weakest part of my body is a woman's eyes.
Women	Women should be obscene and not heard.
Women	Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Women	A woman begins to need a man when she realizes self-torture will no longer suffice.
women	women are a fascinatingly wilful sex. Every women is a rebel, and usually in wild revolt against herself.
Women	One woman is as bad as another but some are better than others.
Women	Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable.
Women	Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' 'On what?' 'On fire?'
women	Hell and all its firepower cannot match up to the wrath of a pissed off women
Women's liberation	Women's liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It's the men who are discriminated against. They can't bear children. And no one's likely to do anything about that.
Wonder	He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.
Word	The best way to keep one's word is not to give it.
Words	Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
Words	Words ought to be a little wild for they are the assaults of thought on the unthinking.
Words	When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Words	Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Words	Antonym, n.: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
Words	What's another word for Thesaurus?
Words	The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
Work	Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Work	Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar!
Work	Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.
Work	Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work - I merely inflict myself upon the public.
Work	The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
Work	Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
Work	I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Work	When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'
Work	One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Work	I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
Work	People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Work	All work and no play makes jack, and lots of it.
Work	My grandfather once told me that there are two kinds of people: those who work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was less competition there.
Work	Work fascinates me --I could sit and watch it all day.
Work	No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless. There is too much work to do. - (Peace Activist)
Work	There's no such thing as unskilled labor. Every job has a learning curve.
Work	My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.
Work	Wood stumps warmed me twice -- once while I was splitting them, and again when they were on the fire.
Work	It's a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can't eat for eight hours; he can't drink for eight hours; he can't make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.
Work	Job- a term used to describe most people in the civilized world today: just over broke.
Work	The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play.
Work	Work is not always required... there is such a thing as sacred idleness, the cultivation of which is now fearfully neglected. - (minister, author, and creater of the fanstay gendre)
Work	Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
Work and play	When you play, play hard; when you work, don't play at all.
Work ethics	If some men are entitled by right to the products of the work of others, it means that those others are deprived of rights and condemned to slave labor.
Working	Ask her to wait a moment -- I am almost done. - (while working, when informed his wife was dying)
World	The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
World	Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
World	And that's the world in a nutshell, an appropriate receptacle.
World	The world is my lobster.
World	The man who threatens the world is always ridiculous; for the world can easily go on without him, and in a short time will cease to miss him.
World	It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
World	For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum.
World	The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful.
World	The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
World	The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible.
World	Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
World	What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?
World	All the world's a cage.
World affairs	If I were God, I'd kick the world to pieces.
World history	Assassination has never changed the history of the world.
World leaders	Did you hear the news about Iranian leader Mahmoud I'm-a Nutjob, isn't that his name?
World peace	If the human race wishes to have a prolonged and indefinite period of material prosperity, they have only got to behave in a peaceful and helpful way toward one another.
Writers	Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Writers	Why do writers write? Because it isn't there.
Writing	Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.
Writing	No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.
Writing	If a young writer can refrain from writing, he shouldn't hesitate to do so.
Writing	Unless you think you can do better than Tolstoy, we don't need you.
Writing	All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things.
Writing	Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.
Writing	The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.
Writing	A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.
Writing	I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Wrong Side of the Tracks	The wrong side of the tracks is on top of them.
Xenophobia	We worship the innexorable demigod know as Dangott. Strangers are automatically heretics and so are fed to the sacred apes.
Yale	If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
You Go Your Way	You go your way, and I'll go thine.
Youth	Always be nice to those younger than you, because they are the ones who will be writing about you.
Youth	I am not young enough to know everything.
Youth	I am always (said he) on the young people's side, when there is a dispute between them and the old ones: for at least you have a chance for virtue till age has withered its very root.
Youth	We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?
Youth	Of course, like all young men, I tried to be as unhappy as I could - a kind of Hamlet and Raskolnikov rolled into one.
Youth	The innocent and the beautiful have no enemy but time. - (writer, Nobel laureate)
Youth	We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future.
Youth	I am not young enough to know everything. - (creator of Peter Pan)
Youth	Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.
Yugo	They're starting to manufacture the Yugo automobile again, but now it comes with luxury features such as a heated rear window. It keeps your hands warm while you're pushing the car.

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